Noriko's Story
by Saint Lucifer-The Damned
Summary: The hidden life of the third NG memeber.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Gravi. _

Authors Notes: Hello again one and all! It's been a while to hear from me, I know, but I'm back with a vengence! not really. I just want to explain a little about this fic.

Ukai Noriko, while being a main character through Nittle Grasper, is truly a background character. Maybe it's because there's so much focus on the 'gay' aspect of Gravitation that very little is focused on the females, but whatever the cause may be, after I took on her as a role in an RP, I thought little of her as well.

This fic is based on her 'life' on my RP site. The true facts may be a little fuzzy, but please focus on the story as a whole. I hope it will give a new perspective on the characters we see so often, but care so little about. Enjoy!

**_Noriko's Story  
_**

_A troublemaker._

_That was always my title. You could never hear my name without 'trouble' attached to it. From the day I was born, until now, that word has hung over me like a dark cloud and all I want is a sunny day. Just one._

_Sure, back in High School it was great. I was wild, reckless and everyone loved it. They were some of the best days of my life, and a lot of the time, I wish I could just go back to them. The troubles that cause me teenage problems, that were the end of the world, aren't so bad now._

_**It Begins**_

Oh man, oh man, oh man! I was late! Or, going to be if these giggling idiots in front of me wouldn't walk just a smidge faster…

"Sorry!" I called back, turning half way as I rudely pushed through them, laughing on the inside.

Okay, being late isn't new to me, but this was music class! Get it? Probably not, but I should put it this way:

I live for my Synth.

Not only have I been playing since I was young, but I'm good. I would make it my life if I could. But I don't have a snowball's chance in hell to make it my life's work.

Turning back around, I've started jogging lightly, only to run into someone's back.

Shit, now I know I'm late! The chimes are ringing throughout the halls, last minute lockers are slamming and feet are scurrying. If those bitches had just gone faster this never would've happened!

Oh wait, the person I ran into…

"I'm so sorry," I apologize in earnest. "I was rushing, there were these chicks walking slowly and I pushed 'em and then I was jog…ing…"

He turned to look at me, stooping to pick up a pink stuffed bunny at his feet. His eyes were the sharpest blue, highlight of deep violet running through them. They closed as he smiled pleasantly, tiny crinkles forming in the corners of his eyes.

"Don't worry," he told me, going into the same classroom I was heading for. His voice was like cream on silk. "No harm done."

Wordlessly, I followed him, brushing past teacher in a daze as I snagged the desk next to him, finally finding my voice.

"I don't recognize you… did you just move here?" I asked, leaning towards him.

"Yeah," he said absently, staring around the room.

I was about to ask another question when a quiet blonde with the most stunning teal eyes slipped into the room languidly, taking a seat behind me.

"Hi, Tohma-kun!" I greeted him, as everyday. While I waited for the usual response back (we'd been playing this little game since High School had started) I noticed the new guy staring at Tohma with hungry eyes.

"Call me Nori-chan, and your name?" I asked slyly, now having introduced the two.

Tohma's eyes quickly glanced at me, nodding before turning his full attention back to the new guy.

"Good afternoon, Noriko-san," he said quietly, taking in the sight of the stranger. "Lovely day, isn't it?"

I was shell-shocked.

Tohma said more than usual… it was a bit frightening.

"Ryuichi… or moron, which ever you prefer," Blue Eyes introduced, watching Tohma intently.

I saw Tohma's eyes light up at the name. He was hooked. I'd been trying to be more friendly towards Tohma, because… well, look at him! Soft-spoken, smart, a kick-ass musician…

And I had a crush on him.

So, while they stared at each other, I continued to chatter away, telling Ryuichi all about Tohma, right in front of the blonde.

"Seguchi Tohma, awesome Synth player. One of the best," I informed Ryuichi, who nodded silently.

"And what is it you do, Ryuichi-kun?" Tohma's soft voice asked.

"Sing."

Tohma and I exchanged glances quickly. Just because you could call yourself a singer, didn't mean you were a singer.

"Care to show us?" I asked, getting up from my seat, heading over to a piano.

Ryuichi shook his head, eyes downcast. "Singing's for whores and druggies… at least that's what my father said."

I shook my head at him, smiling as I looked at Tohma. "Tohma-kun, would you play the song you showed us last time?"

The blonde nodded and took the other piano, and started playing. Music was the one time I truly got to see everyone. Tohma would always become more animated, friendly.

"Just let it flow," I told Ryuichi, listening to the music before I started to accompany Tohma. Rude, yes, but I never ignore an urge to play. "Tohma's music always make's me sing, and I can't sing for shit!"

"She's right. We've all asked her not to sing anymore, she sounds like a harpy," Tohma's voice rang out softly over the music.

I stuck my tongue out at the blonde, who just gave a little 'what did I do?' look right back. Together, we continued playing, Tohma's original piece lost in the new meld we created together. Then, barely audible, we heard it.

Ryuichi's voice.

The gentle voice wove its way in and out between the notes of the music. Threading a new melody within the one we had already. The gentle tinkling of the keys and the tremor of Ryuichi's voice continued on towards a dizzying height, the clash of all three of us finishing strongly together awakened us, bringing us gently back down to our surroundings.

Tohma and I looked at Ryuichi, his face taut as he clutched the pink bunny tightly to his chest. The classroom around us erupted into spontaneous applause, of which I joined in, ignoring the sting of tears in my eyes. A good voice can always make me tear up.

"Ryuichi, that was wonderful," Tohma told him earnestly, face looking slightly in awe.

Without a word, Ryuichi rushed out of the classroom, away from us. Suddenly, it felt like I had fallen apart once he was gone. Tohma went after him and was only a few strides behind. We found him at the hallway intersection and he turned, face stricken, tears brimming.

"I'm sorry!"

It was such a forlorn cry of apology. It couldn't help but tug at my heart. We advanced towards him, Tohma closer than I. He cringed back, as if we were about to strike him.

"I said I was sorry! What more do you want, to hit me?"

"Ryuichi, for what?" I asked him. What could there be to apologize for?

"Ryuichi, if I could but your voice in a bottle and sell it, I'd be a millionaire," Tohma informed him in all seriousness.

"Listen to the Business Guru," I implored, rocking back and forth on my feet. "He knows what he's talking about. He nearly gagged me one time!"

Still wary, Ryuichi chewed thoughtfully on one pink ear of the stuffed animal in his possession. "Really?"

"Yep!" I said cheerfully. "And I was only warming up!"

A small smile flickered across everyone's face. Good. Now everything could maybe be like it was before. It had been such a strange feeling, playing with them.

I watched as Tohma said something that made Ryuichi blush. He was going to be the talk of the school by tomorrow. The voice and face of a God, a nice personality, though awkward, he just… made you want to be near him.

Tohma and I said a few more encouraging things to Ryuichi, Tohma's words seeming to be more effective… or more listened to than mine. But, it got the job done. He was more willing to come along with us. We had to get back to class.

"Come on back to the music room with us," Tohma coaxed softly, touching Ryuichi's arm.

He looked at Tohma for a moment, suddenly engrossed by the blonde as my mind worked rapidly. A little time left, and if I didn't go through with this now… this may never happen again… all of us together like this. It was a sad thought, but I didn't think it would be enough to actually invite these guys to go somewhere… with me.

"Yeah… we're probably going to be in trouble," I laughed absently, watching them.

Screw it. They wouldn't go for it anyway…

"Hey… what are you guys doing later?"

Shit… my mouth must have missed the memo…

Tohma looked a little startled at my question, but thoughtful. "I haven't got any plans, Noriko-chan… why do you ask?"

Oh, they were going to laugh at me for this one… either that or think I was a complete oddball.

"Well…," I paused, not sure if I should go on. "There's this place… a few blocks down from here where they let people perform…"

I was still rocking back and forth where I stood, my eyes had drifted up to watch the ceiling as I continued to speak.

"So… maybe we could… go try it out, y'know?"

Tohma look instantly intrigued, teal eyes lighting up. He spoke soft and slow.

"Well… that sounds like a lot of fun, Noriko-chan." He turned towards Ryuichi. "Our first official concert. What do you say?"

Now all eyes were on Ryuichi. He was the final vote in this.

"Nothing tonight… or any night… I have no life," he told us (more like Tohma) as he shifted closer to the blonde.

"Well, how would you like to see your voice affect the masses?" I asked him happily, trying to get him to say yes. "C'mon, let's all play together again, we all fit."

Ah, crap. Now they know how I feel about it. Bad mouth!

Thoma had seemed to make the final decision. "Then it looks like you have plans tonight." He smiled. "You and… what's your bunny's name?"

Ryuichi looked like he was finally taken out of his reverie from Tohma. "Oh! Kumagoro," he introduced us with a blush.

"Kuma-chan!" I squealed, tapping the stuffed animal's plastic nose. "So," I went on, grinning, happy that they had agreed. "They already have a piano, but I've got a keyboard, unless you have something you want to bring?"

"Hello, Kumagoro," Tohma greeted the bunny, petting it's head and ears. He straightened up, smiling at me. "Oh, I can bring my own. I use the ones here because I have to, but I prefer my own."

That smile was enchanting, I almost blushed. "Alright, meet me out front after last class. My car's the crappy red one."

I laughed again(something I always do when nervous), but stopped when I heard the bell chime.

"Oh shit…"

"We'll see you after class, I know which car is yours," Tohma told me, patting Ryuichi to tell me that he would show him. "You run to class before you're late, you have Ugami-sama next, and he's a real bastard about tardiness."

He knew which car was mine? That seemed odd to me, but I brushed it aside, thinking that you couldn't miss it compared to all the sleek, modest gleaming cars in the parking lot.

Ryuichi backed away as Tohma touched his cheek and murmured a quick good-bye as he rushed to the bathroom. He was strange… I couldn't help but enjoy his company.

"Don't be late!" I called behind me, pushing my way through the now crowded, bustling hallways of identical uniforms.

_SL here! _

Chapter 1 took exactly a week to write. From copying post after post into word, altering 'her's', 'she's' and 'they's' to 'I's', 'my's', me's', 'mine's' and 'we's' it was a long process.

A lot of chapters should be up today.These chapters can take from a week to three days for me to complete. It's a hard task, but I'm enjoying though I run into road-blocks every five seconds it seems.

My ideals for this story will have to be sacrificed for sake of completing it. Not everyone is willing to help me RP this out. A lot of Past work has to be done. But, oh well. Noriko is still an invisible character a lot of the time. I don't ask for reviews often, if at all and mean it. But I would truly like some reviews on this one. For some reason, it means something to me. Thank you all!

SL


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Gravi. _

Authors Notes: Like I said, all chapters are probably going up today.

**Noriko's Story**

Angels, Gods…

What are they, really? Figments of our souls yearning for something more out of life? And if you meet either one, an Angel or a God… what do you do? You, yourself are still but a mortal, enchanted by the powerful auras of the Titans you have wanted to see for so long.

I was mortal thrown in by Fate (charming Siren that she is) to be amongst the Gods. The larger happiness I was shown only led me to larger let-downs. My solace I would later find right back where we started out.

**Face of an Angel, Voice of a God, Heart of a Mortal**

I busted out of the school's main entrance, late for my own planned meeting with the guys.

"Sorry," I puffed, making my way towards them.

Maybe it was time to cut back on the cigarettes… or stop being late to class. The teacher had kept me back for being late.

"It's alright, Noriko-chan," Tohma said as he pulled his jacket a little closer. "Ryuichi and I were just enjoying the weather."

"Nori," I panted, taking a deep breath. It felt like I'd never breathe correctly again. "Please, call me Nori. Nori-chan at least."

I rummaged around my bag, the muffled jiggle of keys taunting me as I couldn't find them. I smiled, pulling them out, looking at Tohma.

"Need help getting anything to the car?"

Ryuichi suddenly looked up, as if inspiration had hit, grinning wildly.

"Seaweed!"

Tohma and I jumped at the sudden cry, looking at him oddly, interrupting the blonde telling me he had his equipment taken care of. I gave Ryuichi an odd smile, my lips twitching, wanting to laugh.

"S-seaweed?" I asked, fighting back the bubbling laughter.

He looked at us with something between disbelief and that of a spoiled child. "Nori…seaweed…Oh come on! My Japanese isn't that bad!"

I couldn't take it anymore. The bubble building in me burst, spilling out laughter. I threw an arm about Ryuichi, laughing.

"Alright Bunny Boy, we'll keep it. But only for you," I told him in between giggles, leading them to the car.

Tohma had burst out laughing as well, following us. "Nori. Sushi wrap. If you call her seaweed, that means you're martial arts. Ryu."

I saw Ryuichi lean in to murmur something to Tohma, but I had turned my attention to the car, interrupting them. "Okay kiddies! Off we go!"

What can I say? I'm easily excitable.

I was about to get in, hand just on the car door handle when Ryuichi pounced on me out of no where in a bear hug. I could feel myself flushing hotly as he did so, but I smiled, hugging him back, feeling familiar with him already.

"Excited?" I questioned with a nervous laugh.

I just wanted my cheeks to stop burning, but Ryuichi just gave me a small peck on one, telling me 'slightly' before slipping into the backseat with Tohma. Or to be correct, on Tohma.

He smiled innocently as he bounced gently in the blonde's lap, grinning as I slipped in behind the wheel, watching him in the rearview mirror.

"Comfy seats you have here, Seaweed. Bouncy too!"  
I couldn't see Tohma, he was blocked by Ryuichi, but I heard him murmuring to the other boy in that soft voice of his. I ducked my head as I started the engine, unable to control my blush.

I laughed lightly. "Bouncy is perfect for little bunnies."

I backed out with a wild grin. Driving was a freedom few could understand. "Let's go!"

We sped out of the parking lot, finally away from school. I turned up the radio while we talked on the short ride there. After a few stoplights and almost collisions (note the 'almost'), I pulled into a small place. It looked a little rundown, could use a coat of paint or five, but this was the closest I'd ever come to home.

"Here we are folks: My all time addiction," I shared with them.

Ryuichi made this cute noise of surprise when we had stopped, as if he'd just been caught doing something bad. I watched him sit up, blinking rapidly.

"We're already here? Damn… I was enjoying my seat," he said with a smiling pout as he got out of the car, pressing Kuma to his chest.

I giggled, getting out as well, going around to the trunk, opening it up. I started struggling to get my keyboard out under the mass of crap the usually cluttered my car.

"Bunny Boy, do you write?" I asked over my shoulder, Tohma getting out to join us, pulling his jacket tighter as he came over to me.

"Your addiction?" he asked me, and I looked at him. He truly was curious. "What do you like about it so much?"

"The rush, the appreciation if the crowd likes it," I said, smiling softly. I finally got the keyboard out and shut the trunk. "The fact that you're in control of so many when you're on stage… it's awesome."

Ryuichi finally found an answer. "Depends on what you want me to write."

He was slow and cautious in his speech, eyes looking more at Tohma, as if wanting reassurance.

I couldn't help the look on my face, staring at him as thought he should know better. "Lyrics."

He kept his eyes downcast and I felt guilty. Ryuichi looked hurt. "Yeah… I write those."

"Let me get that for you, Noriko," Tohma offered me, reaching for the keyboard in my hands.

"Oh, you sure?" I asked him absently, hands already releasing the instrument.

It was heavy… he wasn't too big for a guy. Tohma didn't look like he could lift something this awkward.

"Yes," he assured me with a small nod. "You take care of Ryuichi."

I walked over to Ryuichi, giving Tohma a nod. "Don't look like that… I just thought you knew what I meant is all, okay?"

"Ryuichi," Tohma called back at us over his shoulder, "Do you like ice cream?"

"Ice cream!" I cheered with a pleasant smile, taking up Ryuichi's hand. "My favorite is chocolate, what about you?"

Ryuichi nodded at Tohma, eyes lighting up. "Very much so!"

"Then I am going to buy you both lots of ice cream," Tohma told us happily, watching Ryuichi with a smile. "What's your flavor, Ryuichi? I mean, your favorite flavor?"

"Chocolate… for both," he told Tohma, smirking slightly. "I worship chocolate… hell, I'd sell my body for it."

I laughed and opened the door for them. This place was starkly lit, people crowded in, the bar overflowing with alcohol and people. Some waved and called out to me as I walked over to the bar, talking to the bartender for a moment. Then, with a laugh, I went back to Tohma and Ryuichi.

"He says they've been dying for a show! Think we can do it?" I asked, feeling giddy already.

I caught the last thing Tohma had said. "Fortunate for you, I won't make you sell your body… just sing for me."

He laughed, smiling around the keyboard.

Tohma nodded eagerly at me, "Of course we can. Since we're not even a band and we have no material… should we all just play off each other, or should we do a cover?"

I thought about this for a moment, once again not thinking ahead. Well, we had done so well in class, I guess I never thought we'd need music prepared.

"I'd personally like to see what we could pull off," I said after a bit, taking my keyboard back. "Like we did in class."

My eyes were lingering on Ryuichi. He was so adorable hiding behind his bunny! I went towards the stage without another word, going to set up. Looking back once for them to follow.

They didn't follow after I had set up, looking about the stage, able to ignore the eyes following my every move, not to mention the lewd calls every now and then. I went back over, satisfied with how my stuff was set up, trying to see what was wrong.

"Guys?" I asked, seeing Ryuichi pale. "Ryuichi, are you okay?"

I got quieter as I drew closer, listening to what Tohma was saying. Ryuichi seemed to be completely nervous, listening to every word Tohma was saying, hanging on to each one as if it were his last.

"Have you ever heard of The Doors? Jim Morrison?" Tohma asked, noticing (as I had) Ryuichi seemed a little Americanized. "When they started playing, he always sang with his back to the crowd because he was scared. And the crowd still loved him, and they screamed for him even though his back was to them. Finally, with enough time and encouragement from his bandmates and the crowd, he turned around. And then the crowd went wild. So, you take your time. You've got talent, and everyone is going to love you. It's just a question of how much of you are you willing to give them now?"

"Oh… Tohma," I murmured, smiling as I snuck back off, unnoticed, to the stage.

I saw them talking intently, getting a little ticked off as the time wore on. After a little, a saw a young kid walk over to Tohma carrying a board and Tohma pointing at the stage.

"Hey! Set it up over here," I cried over the noise, waving him down. He climbed onto the stage, setting it up on the other side of the stage from mine.

Ooh… jealous. Nice board!

Tohma walked up towards me, "I apologize, Noriko, but I think I've convinced Ryuichi that everyone in here needs to hear his amazing voice!"

Ryuichi soon followed, pulling Tohma away for a moment, giving me an apologetic look.

After a few minutes, I had to call out to them.

"Guys!" Ooh… I didn't mean to snap… "Let's go, we only have a little bit of time. There are other people waiting to play."

"We're coming now!" I heard Tohma call back from where ever they were.

I had snuck around to where I heard his voice, impatient person that I am, and… didn't regret it more than I was saddened by it.

I saw Tohma and Ryuichi in a… compromising position. Just… too close to be friends.

"Sorry," I muttered, smiling embarrassedly as I turned away heading back to the stage.

They were into guys… go figure. Hottest guys in school… and they like each other. Odd. I had heard Tohma was engaged.

"Are we all set up?" Tohma asked as they returned.

I flashed a smile. "All ready."

"Great!" Tohma exclaimed, truly excited. Taking me by surprise, he grabbed me around the waist and kissed my cheek. "Thank you for doing this for us!"

I blushed hotly, unable to control it. "Um… you're welcome?"

Tohma just headed to his keyboard, Ryuichi already burning holes into the air where Tohma would be standing, back to the audience. The blonde shed his gloves, resting them on the side of the board, flicking it on. Ryuichi and Tohma talked softly to each other… another pep speech I suppose.

I was set. "Alright guys, are you all set?"

I saw the crowd shift anxiously. They knew me well, but the newcomers on stage with me worried them.

"We're ready, Noriko," he told me.

I could almost swear he was bouncing lightly on his feet…

I felt myself grin, and the crowd knew what was coming. "Nori-chan here once again!"

The roar of the crowd almost took my breath away. This is what I live for.

"As a special treat, my two friends will be joining me!"

Slightly quieter applause followed that, but I continued grinning.

"Please give it up for Tohma, Ryuichi and Noriko!"

Over the hoots of the crowd and thunderous applause, I struck the first dramatic notes of what was our very first song.

Tohma waited for my signal, and was off the moment it began. His head bowed, but his eyes stayed turned to Ryuichi as his fingers moved at a rapid pace.

The sound beat began whirling, fading in and out as the bass came in with the hard, steady rhythm of a heartbeat. Something hard and sharp, though soft underneath the other sounds accompanying it.

I couldn't hold back the grin as Tohma started in, twisting a dial here, a few spreading keys there. It was perfect.

I kept her eyes on Ryuichi, waiting for him to start, hoping he didn't get cold feet. I admired the look of concentration on his face not missing a beat as I kept her eyes off the keys.

Suddenly sound burst forth, the music seeming to pull it out of him at just the right moment. Ryuichi's head lifted sharply, staring into Tohma's eyes.

"I take your word like it was gospel, I'm so eager to please. Yeah I like it when you talk to me. It feels so good inside your shadow, it's the place I need to be.

Yeah I know I need to climb you, like a tree. There is this place inside, where all the good things die. Sometimes I feel like a whore, sometimes I feel like a whore."

I was shocked.

Those words… what could they mean? What was he singing about? Was Ryuichi singing about himself and Tohma? I looked at the blonde, who was still smiling as his eyes devoured Ryuichi. As was the crowd to his voice. Ryuichi then started crying. I watched a glistening tear trickle down his cheek. His voice became more emotional, though stillstrong.

"I hate the way I am around you, I'm so nervous and weird. Sometimes I feel like I'm breathing underwater. You treat me like I am on fire, like I'm something to eat.

You make me hate what I see, when I see me. Yeah I dream of the day, when I learn how to make you pay. Someday I'll teach you to beg, someday, someday. Yes I live for the day, when I can hear you say..."

My own breathing hitched and I thought I would start crying. Ryuichi was intoxicating. His very presence on stage was so moving, the crowd had gone silent in awe.

"You make me feel like a whore, yes I dream of the time, when I can make you mine. Maybe then I'll feel half alive, more alive, so alive. There is this place inside, where all the good things die, you make me feel like a whore."

His voice trailed off slowly on the last bit and after a moment he finally raised his hands, wiping the tears from his cheeks, opening his eyes to look at Tohma, blinking away the wetness.

Tohma and I finished, and I watched our singer for a long moment, something tugging at me, needing to be let out.

"I love you…," I heard myself whisper to no one, voice lost over the eruption of cheers and shouts.

Finally I remembered the crowd.

"Thank you all! Please give it up one more time!"

The crowd roared again and Tohma hugged Ryuichi, who held on to him as if he would disappear any moment. Then, Tohma broke away and came over to me, kissing me on the lips. He pulled away, winking at me before turning around.

Ryuichi was gone.

"He vanished again," Tohma breathed, quickly trying to find him with his eyes.

Seeing hide nor hair of Ryuichi, Tohma quickly left my side in search of him. I now understood the purpose of the kiss. It served to hide their… relationship? Could it be called that yet.

I took care of my equipment, making my way off the stage as well. Congratulations and cheers followed me as I murmured my thanks, trying not to get caught up in the drunken crowd.

Not seeing them out side, I got into my car, driving around the block, finally spotting Ryuichi who was staring up at the sky.

I pulled to him, rolling down my window. "Ryuichi, what are you doing? Where's Tohma?"

"He ran away… and I'm counting the stars. Did you know that Tohma has millions of stars?" he asked, not even looking at me.

I smothered a sigh, putting the running car in park and getting out to hug Ryuichi.

"I bet he does," I told him softly, holding him.

It hit me then, that I wasn't going to be very far from Ryuichi ever again. Until I was forced away from him. Hewasgoing to be putting up with me for a long time to come. And if I had my say, so was Tohma.

"C'mon," I murmured, walking him to the passenger seat, slipping him in. "We'll get him back tomorrow."

_Hello all! I have nothing to really talk about here today... I just said all I have to in the last chapter posted the same a day a few minutes ago. Please don't forget to review for me. _

SL


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Gravi. _

Authors Notes: Nothing new... but I warn you for the next chapter.

**Noriko's Story**

Falling out, breaking up.

Can you ever truly fall out of love? Or is it that you unconsciously realize it was only lust and need and then you release one another? When the love, true love, is just in bloom, can you let go, so as to save yourself from the trials and tribulations that would lie ahead?

Are we all so stuck in the continual circle of love and hate and patching it all up, that we can no longer see what we want? Or are we put off by the looming threat of fixing and mending and putting the pieces back together again and again?

I still don't know the answers. I have found none. Or maybe it's just that I've found none I like. The tumultuous relationships that life had in store for me seemed only a small amount of pain compared to the weight of these questions. Less final.

I don't do well with final, so I start from the beginning… over and over and over again.

**The First Leak, The First Patch**

It was lunch time the day after our first performance. I knew Tohma and Ryuichi had the same lunch as me, so I felt it my duty to search them out. Patch things up. Something had happened last night between Ryuichi and Tohma and it was keeping us from being together.

I found Tohma outside under a tree, deep in thought, not touching his food, staring at his books. I wondered if he was always like this when something was on his mind.

"Tohma?" I asked quietly, moving to his front, biting my lip. "How are you?"

Should I mention Ryuichi? Was it a safe topic or not?

I hated not knowing.

"I'm great, Nori-chan," he said with a kind smile.

He removed his coat, laying it down next to him, offering it to me as a seat which I had gladly accepted.

"Sorry about running out yesterday… like I did. I didn't mean to just leave you there stranded," he apologized.

"That's okay," I told him, sitting down beside him, cross-legged. "You left your board there though... it's in my car. I hope you don't mind."

I went gone back to pick it up along with mine after finding Ryuichi. Everything felt broken now, and I wasn't like the feeling at all. The sharp memory of the music we had created last night tugged at my heart.

Somehow... being apart like this wasn't right.

"What happened last night?"

"Ryuichi and I got into a small fight," he said, stopping there. Apparently the details were private.

"I ended up saying horrible things, and he… left," Tohma said softly.

"Oh," I sighed quietly, looking over to Ryuichi spot. "Does this mean we can't play anymore?"

That thought broke my heart, but not more than seeing Ryuichi struggle with the papers, movements proving he was distracted or agitated.

Maybe it had all been a bad idea after all…

Tohma turned to stare at Ryuichi. "I don't know. If he can forgive me for saying the harsh things, perhaps we can play together again. With the way he ran away, I don't know if he will even let me approach him. I could try… but, I'm scared."

I gave him a faint smile and rested a hand on his.

"Want me to go over with you?" I offered, hoping that my last thought was wrong.

He gave me a pleading look. "Go over and ask him how mad he is at me."

"No problem," I said, getting up, brushing grass off my skirt.

I went over to Ryuichi, plopping down next to him, poking his side.

"Hey, Ryu!" I said, cheerfully. "What's going on?"

"Nothing and don't poke me please." he said, not looking up from the notepad where he was drawing little bunnies around the English version of Tohma's name.

"Sure," I answered, trying not to lose the cheerful attitude. "So... how mad are you at Tohma?"

Straight, blunt and to the point. Not the best way, perhaps, but it was my way. I hated people who would beat around the bush.

Ryuichi turned to stare at me before returning to his notepad, not saying anything.

I watched as he began to scribble a little more frantically.

"Ryuichi... are you even mad at him?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

To me, he seemed more nervous than mad. Maybe it was all some big misunderstanding.

He started stabbing the eyes on the bunnies, ripping through the paper.

"Ryu," I said sternly, stopping him from stabbing the paper. "Talk to me. Tohma is upset about what happened. He want's to say sorry, but he's afarid you're so mad, you won't give him the chance."

There, it was all out now. I had wanted to keep that part hidden, in case Tohma didn't want Ryuichi to know, but it was a little too late.

I squeezed his hand gently. "Are you mad at Tohma?"

"Considering I either want to shove him down and worship what I'm sure is a beautiful cock or ride him until we both pass out, I would guess that's a no." he snapped, glaring.

"Don't take that tone with me," I said frowning, snatching my hand away.

Why was he being so rude to me? I hadn't done anything wrong to him.

I sighed, looking apologetic. "So, will you let him apologize, and let all be right with the world again?"

He sighed, nodding. "He apologizes and the world moves on." he muttered, leaning back against the tree.

"Good," I said shortly, getting up and going back over to Tohma. "He said he isn't mad, but you should apologize anyway," I told him stiffly, leaning against his tree.

I wasn't going back over to Ryuichi. This was best left to them, and I didn't want to deal with that attitude again.

"Really?" he asked perked, though looking at me a little funny. Carefully shoving his books inside of his bag, he went Ryuichi. It was slow, his eyes staring at the boy as if he had all the confidence in the world.

I gave a snort, watching from the distance, trying not to glower, but unable to help it.

Watch, I told myself. Ryu's gonna get all bouncy, completely dropping the bastard act he pulled with me.  
I watched, smiling slightly as I knew what was probably going to happen. Well, at least they were all together again. I turned away, heading back inside, wondering what was going to happen in music class today as I sat with a few other friends inside.

I saw them walk down a hallway from the cafeteria, the noise just an annoying buzz as my eyes followed them.

I guess all would be fine come, music class. One could only hope.

I was sitting at a desk in the back of music class, the teacher droning off on things I already knew. Rested my chin in hand, staring out the window as my other hand doodled aimlessly. I couldn't help but glance at the clock.

Late, late, late.

Tohma was never late, and suddenly with Ryu he was? I held back a giggle. I knew what happened.

Tohma winked at Ryuichi when they walked into the doorway, unclasping their hands since the two of them had to part to take their seats. Tohma slipped into the desk next to me, smiling.

Leaning over to me, he whispered, "We're going to play together again."

Ryuichi finally got assigned his seat which was on the other side of me. He waited until the teacher wasn't looking before throwing Kuma at me gently. He then turned his attention back to the teacher, looking innocent.

I flashed him a grin, happy about the decision and then bit my lip in trying to hold back a giggle as she watched Tohma squirm in his seat. I'd been right! I glanced at Ryuichi, after he tossed kuma at me. He looked pleased with himself.

I was happy for them. And, at least we'd all be together if nothing else.

"So... should we go again tonight then?" I whispered back.

Tohma leaned forward to gaze at Ryuichi, making the decision for the both of them.

"Yes!" he said with soft eagerness. He seemed to be addictive. "Tonight. You, me, and Ryu. I need out of the house more. Business law is boring me to death."

"Then give it up," Ryuichi said, shrugging.

I had to agree.

I could barely contain herself from cheering. I didn't think today could get any better.

"Alright, same thing as yesterday, my car, blah, blah," I joked with him as the teacher ordered them all to go practice.

I rose from my desk.

"We need a name, and some songs," I told them, no longer whispering.

"I never thought I would have to think of a name... never thought I'd be in a group," Tohma mused, putting his cheek in his hand and watching me. "Well, nothing stupid like Echo and the Bunnymen, no offense, Ryu."

I laughed, scooping Kuma up off the floor. "Sorry Kuma-chan, looks like you're out of job!"

I held the bunny like Ryuichi would and leaned against a desk.

"I never thought I'd have a group either! But it's fun, even if we never do anything with it."

Ryuichi stuck his tounge out at Tohma before smirking at me. "How about Nipple Twister?" he asked, smiling, retriving Kuma from my arms. "Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Yuck," I drawled, making a face. "Play and business separate please!"

I made my way over to a piano, playing with the keys lightly. "Have you tried a song yet, Ryu?"

"Ryuichi has been too obsessed with me to focus on music," Tohma said in a serious tone, casting Ryuichi a teasing glance. "But, now that it's all settled, I think he'll be able to manage the music again."

"Not if you keep sitting so close to me. I might want to make you move over and sit on my lap." he said, doodling on his notebook. "I have a song or two but I doubt they're any good. Just a bunch of crap really."

"Give 'em here," Noriko demanded, smiling at them.

Was I jealous at their cozy attitude? Definitely. Was I mad? No. I knew I would have to be supportive. They'd most likely go through a few rough times together, and I would be there for them, trying not to let my personal feelings get in the way. I knew it would be hard, but I think I knew that from the beginning.

"I don't believe that they're going to be crap, so why don't you let us read them. That way Nori and I can get a feel for the song, it's tone and meaning... how it should sound. And we can create something off of that," Tohma explained, smiling patiently.

Ryuichi sighed and tore two pages from his note book, handing over the messily scrawled songs which were written in a bad mix of Japanese and English. He pulled headphones from his back, turning on some music to ignore us.

I got up and knicked one from Tohma, leaving him with the other. I read the words, having no trouble with the English.

"Ryu... this is... amazing..." I said softly, taking my seat again at the piano.

One song was about falling into insanity, the other was abut watching a lover.

Tohma got up, leaning over my shoulder to read what was on the paper.

"These are good," he told me, not bothering to tell Ryuichi since he was ignoring us.

Reaching over, he pointed to the one about insanity. "Have you ever heard Schwarz Stein's Perfect Garden... the SK 0520 Mix?"

I looked at him. "No. Why, is it like this?"

"It's hard to explain. It's obvious that we make electronic music. We're both synth players," he said with a laugh. "There are no real instruments. So, you have to come over sometime so we can share our favorite bands... know each others favorite styles."  
"Alright! We can do that," I said, looking at the other song. "I wonder if these have titles..."

"If not, we can give them titles when we give them sound," he said, slipping away from my hand the poem about the lover. "If Ryu doesn't want to name them, since they're his creations."

"Sure," I agreed. "Wanna see if we can make some noise?"

I got up, pulling the headphones off Ryuichi's ears. "Take these," I pushed the lyrics at him. "And if something sounds right, sing."

I went back to the piano, seating myself, looking expectantly at Tohma. Ryuichi stuck his tongue out at me, rolling his eyes before looking at the lyrics, waiting.

Tohma could take his time, I was itching to play. I started out soft, fluttering, leading into a more upbeat tempo, that still had a light quality to it. I looked at Ryuichi, whishing he wasn't wear the sunglasses... I loved his eyes.

Tohma decided to fuck the world for a moment (he was Seguchi Tohma!) and reached over with a needy hand. Pushing his fingers through the front of Ryuichi's hair, he gave a long sliding pull from front to back. Grabbing, he gave a gentle pull before letting go and walked towards me, slipping to sit down next to me and watch my fingers. He put his hands down on the lower keys, pushing them for a deeper mixture to accompany mine, though not overwhelming the rhythm I already had going. Tohma gave me an innocent look before leaning in. He didn't need to concentrate to play, it came as natural as breathing.

"Nice," I murmured softly, watching his hands flutter along with mine. "So… how'd 'making up' go?"

"It was amazing, actually. We made up with as little talk possible."

"Hnh," I breathed, giving a half-hearted smile. "Don't tell me... bathroom?"

It was the only place in a school you could probably get away with it. Guys most likely didn't go to the bathrooms as much as girls, it seemed logical.

"The bathroom," he said with a nod, making a pained face. "I never thought the first time would be in the place like that. I rather always imagined my bed. Not that I would take a second of it back... I wouldn't. I'm glad it happened... but still. The bathroom."

"I always found public places to be more of a turn on," I said off handedly. "The risk of getting caught can really give it all a huge kick."

Aw, that was so cute! Tohma had wanted his first time in a bed. Well, that really WAS every virgin's dream wasn't it? Something romantic, meaningful in a visible sense. When you think fucking in a stall, you really don't think love.

Wait… did I just tell Seguchi Tohma that I ENJOY sex in public places!

I'm such a fucking idiot… why don't my mouth and brain ever converse before speaking?

"So, where do you guys from here?"

"You think so?" he mused, more to himself. "The last thing I need is for the entire school to know my sexual preference. My father would KILL me," he said.

"Screw that. I THINK we're..." Tohma said with a small shake of his head. "I think he's my boyfriend."

My fingers picked up the pace, notes growing slightly louder.

"Don't be so unsure. If YOU don't want it that way, I'm sure a different arrangement could be made," I said, a little shrug. "If that's how you want it, be happy about it. How's your dad going to find out anyway?"

Unless there were spies reporting back to his father about his school activity, I doubted it would ever be found out. Then again... He WAS a Seguchi, you never really knew with a family that prestigious.

Could there be spies watching Tohma? Would that mean we were being watched too?

I have to stop watching TV… I'm getting myself paranoid over nothing. Maybe it wasn't nothing though… stop. Just stop.

"What if a kid tells their dad and goes on until my dad hears? You know, it just travels along the wires until it finally reaches his ears?"

Okay, sooo…Tohma was thinking along obviously different lines than I was…

"I'm just being paranoid. I don't want to HIDE. I suppose my father will just have to deal with it... I am still studying what he wants, and marrying who he wants, so... this should be easily overlooked!"

"There ya go! That sounds much better," I told him cheerfully, moving the tempo up a bit.

I watched our hands for a moment, seeing how both pairs moved with fluid ease, in perfect balance without a word to each other.

"Kinda weird isn't it?"

Tohma looked as though he was enjoying our playing together.

"What's weird?" he asked curiously.

"Just this," I said, motioning with my chin towards our hands. "I've never been able to do this with someone before. When I tried it once, we needed cues for each other and planning ahead of time."

I couldn't help but grin, adding a little flourish to the tune. "I like this way much better."

It was less hassle, and everything sounded good, no matter what it was. It was interesting, and it made me wonder why we hadn't played together before. I looked back up at Ryuichi, still sitting there silently.

It was him.

That was the only real reason I could come to. Since he'd been in school, Tohma had instantly come out of his shell, we'd all become friends and the music class worshiped us. If it wasn't Ryuichi, I had no idea what it was.

"We've got a lot of work to do on him," Tohma informed me, "He has it in him to be the most amazing frontman Japan has ever seen. And he needs to be. So, we can't give up on him."

"I don't plan on it," I said quietly, giving a small smile, remembering my silent vows from the other night.

Shaking off the feelings that just had came over me, I looked at Tohma, eyebrow raised.

"Does this mean that you'd like to turn this into something bigger?"

It had crossed my mind before. I had no doubt that I'd be good in performing. And, truth be told, my grades sucked, so it wasn't like I wanted to do anything else with my life. I got excited at the thought of them taking this seriously.

"We love music, we're good at it, we play like we have the same brain, and we've found the most amazing singer I've ever heard," Tohma listed, smiling with teeth this time. "I think it would be stupid of us not to make the most out of this. You have connections, I have money, and we have Ryuichi. With all of that together, we can't fail."

I had to admit…one thing Tohma had was confidence.

"This is gonna be so much fun," I told him, giving a little laugh.

"I just hope you guys can handle me," I teased, looking over at Ryuichi again. "Bunny Boy, are you gonna sing yet or what? At least give us some warm ups here."

I flashed Tohma a grin as I ducked my head down again. They would have to find out how bossy I was eventually.

"I will when you give me something to sing to instead of light melody that plays background to you two discussing my sex life." he said, looking at them over the rim of his sunglasses.

He then smirked at Tohma and opened his mouth to sing. It wasn't what was written on the papers, but I guess he was just inspired.

"I was supposed to have been a Jesuit priest or a Naval Academy grad. That was the way that my parents perceived me, those were the plans that they had. But I couldn't fit the part too dumb or too smart. Ain't it funny how we all turned out? I guess we are the people our parents warned us about."

"Oh, someone has an attitude, don't they?"I threw at him with a smirk.

He wanted something to sing to, fine, I'd give him something. I nodded to Tohma.

"Here we go Ryu," I said, interrupting his song, moving over Tohma's hands to press at the keys, making a dramatic sound.

"Go for it."

I played fast, keeping up a pace on the higher keys while leaving the lower ones back to Tohma. I listened for a moment, hearing Ryuichi pause, soaking in the beat until new words poured out of his mouth.

"Baby we can talk all night, but that ain't getting us nowhere. I told you everything I possibly can, there's nothing left inside of here. And maybe you can cry all night, but that'll never change the way that I feel. " he sung softly, voice melding in and out of the notes, caressing the words with a soft, sad sound.

I raised an eyebrow, looking at Tohma. Ryuichi always made you think twice when he sung. I kept the pace, listening to the words. He was so good and he didn't even believe it. I couldn't understand that.

"I poured it on and I poured it out. I tried to show you just how much I care. I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout. But you've been cold to me so long, I'm crying icicles instead of tears." he sang, voice getting louder, more emotion flowing through the words, emotions of loss and heartache, where you're standing at the end of everything.

"And all I can do is keep on telling you...I want you, I need you, but, there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you. Now don't be sad 'cause two out of three ain't bad. Now don't be sad, 'cause two out of three ain't bad."

I watched as he stood up, eyes closed, lost in the music, voice rising, not remembering they were in the middle of music class, that they were just jamming around. It seemed he was buried into the song, seeing the moment, feeling everything that the person in the moment would feel, emotions of love, lust, loss and pain churning through him, spilling out into the song.

"You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach, you'll never drill for oil on a city street. I know you're looking for a ruby in a mountain of rocks, but there ain't no Coupe de Ville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box." he clutched his hands to his side as he put even more force into his song, causing a few girls to move away from the window, staring at him.

"I can't lie, I can't tell you that I'm something I'm not. No matter how I try, I'll never be able to give you something, something that I just haven't got!"

The vase he had sent rocking yesterday finally caved to his voice and shattered, causing several people to scream and the teacher to duck as shards went flying.

And still he sang.

"There's only one girl that I will ever love, and that was so many years ago. And though I know I'll never get her out of my heart, she never loved me back. Ooh I know, I remember how she left me on a stormy night. She kissed me and got out of our bed, and though I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out that door. She packed her bags and turned right away."

I heard his voice started falling, tears slipping down his cheeks, voice wavering, but not from use, the tears now making it thick and slippery.

"And she kept on telling me, she kept on telling me. She. Kept. On. Telling. Me. I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you. Now don't be sad 'cause two out of three ain't bad." His voice started lowering again, almost at normal human levels before slipping even further down into a whisper. "Baby we can talk all night, but that ain't getting us nowhere..."

He sunk into his chair, cheeks wet with tears, chest heaving from his breathing, panting slightly. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking. He glanced around and grew confused as to why everyone was staring at him. "What?"

I stopped, fingers poised above the keys, looking at him, tears welling up in my eyes, but I would not let them fall.

I took a deep breath, calming back my tears. "Ryu, that was great!"

Didn't he know how much his voice and words affected everyone around him? Couldn't he see?

"Everyone is staring at you because that was amazing," Tohma told him in a sweet matter of fact tone. "So much passion, too. One would almost think that some girl had broken your heart before."

It was hard to imagine, but with Ryuichi, you couldn't really tell. He had so many different sides to him, maybe he HAD dated girls once.

"Is there a story behind the song?" I asked quietly, wondering why he'd get so emotional if there wasn't one.

Then again, maybe he was just that into the music.

"Boy, Tohma. I don't date girls. Ever." he said, not caring that everyone was still staring and now whispering intently at that comment. "So, what's next?" he said, smiling at them.

"Ah," Tohma said upon correction.

"Will you write ME a love song?" he asked sweetly.

I wasn't shocked at their little 'coming out', but apparently the rest of the class was. The tittering throughout the class was growing louder, and I feared slightly for their reputation. Did they know what they had both gotten to themselves into?

"Anytime you want me too," Ryuichi said, smiling at Tohma, going over to him to brush his fingers against the blondes cheek. "I would capture the stars individually if you asked it of me." he said.

"That would take a long time," Tohma mused, seeming to be utterly charmed at the thought. "Maybe you can make the stars of me. Like Orion. Put me there forever so you'll never have to forget me."

Didn't they realize the stares they were getting?

"But then you would too, too far away to hold in my arms and whisper how much I adore you." Ryuichi said, grinning more. "How much I love your hair, or your skin, or your lips...or your..." he glanced down before just smirking.

"Hm, I can just imagine," Tohma breathed, "You know it's yours. All of that and more." Ryuichi was, after all, his boyfriend. "Sooooo, much more."

I rested an elbow on the piano gently, smiling as I listened to their talking.

"Kiddies, class is almost up, shall we meet again out front?" I asked, interrupting. "We don't need a name at the moment, but we should keep working on it."

I rose from the bench to get my things at my desk, watching the clock before the bell rang.

"Be good you two, and don't be late, I'll try not to be!"

I blew them both a kiss before walking out.

I was walking slowly through the hallway, stopping at my locker nearby. I was humming the tune from earlier, smiling to myself. I had my locker open when Ryuichi pounced on me, poking me in a barrage of hard fingers.

"ACK!" I screamed. And saw Ryuichi between squinted eyes.

"What the hell-!" I was cut off as he poked my side, giggling. I tried backing away, hands up in a weak defense, pinning myself against the lockers.

Ryuichi continued to poke me, occasionally tickling, torturing every bit of flesh he could find to torture, giggling manically.

"Ryu!" I cried at him, trying to swat his hands away. "Bad!"

I doubled over laughing, jerking up with a loud snort. Oh no… they heard me snort… evil snort…

"This was all his idea," Tohma said, pointing to Ryuichi. Tohma, as everyone knew, wasn't a big toucher. He didn't like to touch or be touched, so he stood a foot away and watched.

"Make him," I snorted again. "Stop!"

I fell to the floor, laughing, still trying to fend Ryuichi off.

Tohma slipped his arms around Ryuichi's waist, though it was to start poking the man in the chest and stomach, giving back to him what he was doing to me.

Ryuichi yelped, trying to get away from Tohma, laughing. "Lemme go you big meanie!"

"And now you know how poor little Nori feels," Tohma said, laughing against Ryuichi's shoulder as he attacked his side. "Are you going to be nice to her now?"

I rested for a moment, breathing hard, little giggles erupting every now and then before getting to my feet.

"You should be sorry... cause I always get payback!" I told her struggling friend, before poucing on him, tickling him back.

Tohma laughed and let go of Ryuichi the moment I attacked him. "That's your punishment, Ryuichi. Don't fight it."

Ryuichi seemed to completely ignore what Tohma said, fighting me, tickling and poking me as much as I did to him, trying to get away, his laughter ringing up and down the halls.

"Wait! WAIT!" I pleaded, halting him. I flashed Ryuichi an evil grin, motioning with my eyes towards Tohma.

I turned towards the blonde.

Tohma held up a finger, shaking his head. "This is a fight between you and him. Don't bring me into it. I will have you both murdered in your sleep.

"Try it," I growled, smirking and I pounced, fingers squeezing his sides, trying to get him to laugh. "It'll take more than a threat to get rid of me, Tohma."

I laughed, watching the blonde squirm in my grasp.

Tohma held in the squeaking noise and laughed, sliding an arm around me to tickle my side back.

"You won't be so confident when you have a man in black pressing a pillow to your face tonight."

Ryuichi started walking away from the pair, smirking to himself, whistling softly.

"I can handle anyone!" I challenged, spazing under his touch. I noticed Ryuichi walking away.

"HEY! You started this!

"At least kiss your boyfriend goodbye," Tohma called. Amazing how a person could yell and still manager to keep their voice soft at the same time.

"Yeah, if you neglect him, someone may just come in and sweep him off his feet," I told Ryuichi, draping an arm over Tohma's shoulders.

"If only, Nori. We're both madly in love with him, no one can sweep us off our feet and take us from Ryuichi," Tohma said in mock sadness.

"Too true," I agreed in the same tone. "C'mon, lets go get him."

I picked up my books and shut my locker.

Ryuichi shook his head, walking faster. Tohma ran, fast for a small guy. But, instead of attacking Ryuichi with tickles and pokes, he hugged him around the waist tightly. His cheek pressed into Ryuichi's back. Tohma slipped his arms around the waist that he was given access to. Snuggling his nose into Ryuichi's arm, he gave a playful bite to his shirt. And, since he had such a clear shot of the stomach, he instantly attacked with tickles.

I walked behind them, smiling as I watched their antics. It felt nice having them around. Kind of... like a family almost. Nice having people to take care of, to care for.

I looked out a window as I caught up with them, not taking part. It was soooo nice out...

"Hey guys... let's go now," I said abruptly.

Ryuichi would have replied to me, but he was too busy trying to fend off Tohma's attack, giggling madly, struggling against his boyfriend. "NONONNONO!"

"Yes, yes, yes, you know you like it," Tohma said, running his hands over Ryuichi's ribs and pushing against him harder. "You should be a good boy from now on, Ryu. Come outside with us."

"Not just outside boys, we're done with school for the day!" I cried excitedly, more then willing to miss my academics to have fun.

It took some coaxing, but I finally convinced them to ditch the rest of the day. Together we left, going wherever we wanted as something new. Something amazingly complete and whole.

As a band.

_I get sentimental writing this... I'm not sure why. The words written before the chapters are Noriko in the Present being introspective. But mostly... they're me. They are my thoughts on it really. Since I play Nori, she can't help but have my thoughts. Every thought written is what I believe if it were my in these situations. _

SL


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I own nothing from Gravi. _

Authors Notes: Here is chapter four. This is where we start Noriko's torment really. The next chapter delves into it more and we'll slowly start seeing her downfall. Next chapter is where the story will pick up. To be fair to the other Role Players, I have to mention that a lot had to be cut out of the posts. Things between Tohma and Ryuichi that Noriko couldn't be there for, or wasn't there for. In chapter two, there was a sex scene between Ryuichi and Tohma in a bathroom. Noriko couldn't exactly be there, so I apologize for having to cut it out. I apologize because I think random, caught-in-the-moment sex is both hot and something beautiful. Please enjoy.

**Noriko's Story**

Fate. Tiresome, troublesome Fate.

How long can one continue being satisfied with giving and giving without receiving before they just take what they want? Thoughtlessly and selfishly getting caught up in a moment that lasts as long as a blink of an eye.

That is the way humans are. Letting themselves get taken away by small sensations that mean nothing later. Or they mean so much that one can't help but live on them forever, hurting those around them.

As much I as want to be able to say I'm happy with just a smile, I'll always want the hug with it. And when I get the hug, I'll always want the kiss and I continue on like that. Wanting more than I should get. More than I deserve.

I never wanted to let things go too far… and to this day I keep saying it was only because I wanted to see that smile.

I know it's a lie… and I'm not sure what hurts more. That fact that it shouldn't mean anything, or the fact that it does.

**The Lion Lies With The Lamb**

I honked the horn as I pulled up to the address given to me, seeing I was a little late (when wasn't I?), I thought he might be mad at me. I left the car in park, thinking back to school that morning.

"Bunny Boy!" I cried, seeing him in the hallway, rushing over to him. I stopped short, seeing the look on his face. "What's got you so down and out?"

He looked at me, bright eyes dimmed with something hurting him deeply. Neither of us said it, but we both understood. It was the one thing that had control over him like this.

Tohma.

"Hey, hey, hey! Cheer up, let me take you out tonight, okay?" I asked, wanting to see him smile again.

He just scribbled his address and stuffed it into me hand before heading into the bathroom.

"I'll be there at 8, promise!"

I sighed, glancing at the door again, waiting.

He slipped from the house almost shadow like, glancing back at the upper windows before jumping down the porch steps and into the car, his leather pants making sighing sounds as he got in.

"Hit it, Seaweed."

"Got it," I said, shifting into drive and pressing the gas, speeding off.

I gave him a sidelong glance, my fingers tightening on the wheel.

"So, ready to talk yet?" I asked as I sped around a turn.

We were quickly leaving behind the lights of the town as we drove off. I didn't tell him, but I was going to take him to my favorite spot, not the bar. But I made sure to bring along a few drinks anyway.

I rolled down a window as we waited at a light, the air cool. It was edging into summer, but not quite there yet. I rummaged around, finding a crumpled pack of cigarettes, lighting one up. A nasty habit I'd picked up a year or two ago, and now I just didn't feel like quitting.

I saw him knick a cigarette from my pack as he stared out at the night. "About what? The weather's been lovely recently, hasn't it?"

"It has," I agreed, flicking ash out the window as the light changed, driving off again.

I watched him. "Singers shouldn't smoke you know... bad for the vocals."

I smiled at him as I took a drag of my own, tossing him a lighter. What would one hurt? He wasn't doing so well, it was the least I could do. Spoiling him just this once wasn't going to kill them.

He smirked and flicked the lighter, taking a long drag from the cigarette, lost in deep thought.

"C'mon," I said, shutting the car off as I pulled up to a slightly wooded area. "I have something to show you."

I held the cigarette between my lips as I got out and went to the trunk, pulling out a blanket and a case of beer. I walked back over, standing in front of the car, waiting for him to join me.

"Bring my cigs," I ordered him, voice muffled around the filter.

He grabbed the cigarettes and climbed out, following me as best he could with his head turned up to the night sky, watching everything that happened above us.

"Gonna trip if you're not-," I was cut off as I looked back at him for a moment, stumbling myself.

My arms tightened around the things in my arms and I caught myself, flashing him a grin and a shrug.

I led him through and we came out onto a small ledge, over looking the city, lights glowing against the dark background of night. I placed the things on the ground, took a drag, and looked at him.

"My all time favorite spot. I love it at night," I told him, looking back over the scenery.

He smiled at me and grabbed the blanket, spreading it out before flopping down onto it, laying on his back to stare at the sky, the city lights in the lower half of his vision.I sat next to him, giving his stomach a poke.

"Gonna talk to me yet?" I bugged him, leaning over to smile at him, blocking his view of the sky.

I shifted, pushing the skirt under me more as I reached over to open up the beer.

"Remind me not to drive for a while," I laughed at him, popping open a can, grinding the cigarette into the dirt.

"Talk about what? There's nothing to talk about." He said, puffing on his cigarette without removing it from his lips, not looking at me. He grabbed a beer and took out his cigarette, pouring a bit of the liquid into his mouth, swallowing carefully.

"Alright, alright," I relented, taking a long drink from the can. "We can play it that way."

If he didn't want to talk, I wouldn't make him. He would tell me if he trusted me enough...

Or if I said the right thing.

"Tohma was out today," I said slyly, trying to edge something out of him. I'm female! I couldn't help but want to know!

He growled softly, downing half of his beer in one gulp. "How nice for the little fucker." he growled. "Stupid stuborn ass."

I nearly choked on my beer.

"What!" I gasped after swallowing.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at him, trying again more calmly. "What I mean is: what's got your panties in a twist over Tohma?"

If nothing else, I hoped the comment would at least make him smile.

"HE'S GETTING MARRIED! He's mine and he's marrying that…bitch!" He spat, downing the rest of his beer. "He's MINE!."

"Whoa," I said, staring at him. "Calm down. Take a deep breath and calm down."

I looked up at the sky for a moment before speaking again.

"You knew he was engaged when you took him. You knew this day would come eventually, Ryuichi," I told him quietly, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You can't change what has to be done."

"It doesn't have to be done, he's mine and Mika can go fuck off. I thought he would break up with her considering he's in love with me, my boyfriend, my lover, MINE!"

"It can still be that way," I told him, trying to calm him down. "They're just friends... nothing's going to happen, so i bet he can keep you as a lover."

Alright, now I was just pulling shit out of my ass here. I didn't know how to console him, especially when he got like this.

"He won't. It wouldn't be traditional." he said, growling. "Stupid little whore will have him and wrap him around her finger and probably...ew..have kids with him."

I laughed. "There's nothing wrong with kids, Ryu." I mussed his hair gently. "We were them once too y'know. Some of us just didn't grow up!"

I lit another cigarette. " 'sides, maybe you'll find someone else... you, uh, never know."

"Never! Tohma is my ONLY love. I will die without him." he growled, grabbing another beer, popping it open and drinking deeply. My ONLY one."

"I know that feeling," I said with a small smile, sipping my beer. "Loving that one person so much, you'll never let go."

I was worried about then next few words. They most likely applied to me too.

"But... one day... you just might HAVE to let go..."

I took a long drag, staring out into the lights of the city

"Never. I will never give him up. I will die without him. And I will kill to keep him," he said, staring at the stars. "He's MY Tohma."

"Well," I sighed, lying on my back, little pebbles poking me through the blanket. "Things will probably work out then."

What else could I say? If Tohma didn't want it that way, then that's how it would be? It would crush him, and all I wanted was to see him smile again.

I quickly drained the beer, tossing it to the side, opening another. I didn't want to think about his smile, or his eyes, or how he always did that really hot thing with his tongue when he sang...

"I should stop now...," I murmured to myself, and went to look at him again, taking a drag before speaking. "Listen, I just want to see you smiling. I hate when you're not."

"Don't feel like smiling. I feel like getting drunk and then beating the crap out of someone before a night of hot sex." he muttered, grabbing yet another beer and downing it. He then sat up and reached into his boot, pulling out a baggie.

He grabbed the box of beer, turning it on it's side and using that to cut out lines, angrily glaring at the cocaine. "You want?" he asked, looking up at me, raising an eyebrow.

My eyes widened, everything falling in place for me. But, I felt like I had had an inkling all along. It just explained so much.

"Well...," I paused, what would Tohma say if I condoned this? "Just this once, alright?"

I felt nervous, moving closer to him. Should I tell him I'd never done it before? He could probably tell. Why was I so nervous? Everyone tried drugs once in their lives…

He smiled at me, offering me a straw. "It's just like sex, easy once you get used to it. Clear your nose, sniff up a line, and tilt your head back if you don't want a runny nose." He took his own straw and leaned over, showing me how as a line disappeared.

I did as he instructed, mimicking his movements and actions as best I could. I sat back in shock after I sniffed, rubbing my nose furiously.

"Now I know why things DON'T go up your nose," I laughed, feeling rushed, before the slow numbing sensation took over.

"I knew there was something off about you! You've got some bad habits Ryu," I snickered at him, poking his side.

I drank the rest of my beer, opening another one before, resting my head on his chest. "So, tell me, why guys?"

"Why not? Hard bodies...nice asses and cocks...and I've slept with too many women to be interested in a relationship with them. They're just a job to me." he said, shrugging as he pulled out another cigarette, lighting it.

"A job?" I questioned, lifting my head up to look at him. "What do you mean?"

He looked up at me before sitting up. He took my hand, kissing it gently, before leaning in to my ear. "A kiss is five dollars," he kissed my cheek. "Oral is fifty," he licked down my neck. "Full on is a hundred," he nipped at my lips. "A night is five hundred." he smirked and pulled away, taking a drag from his cigarette.

I shuddered at his every touch, watching wide eyed before the words hit me.

"Ohmigod! Ryuichi...," I gasped, comprehending. "Why do you do it?"

Tohma was going to be so mad if he ever found out! Maybe he knew...? No, Tohma wouldn't date someone if he knew that they'd whored themselves out before.

Then again, I didn't think he'd ever date a guy either.

"It gives me money. I like it better when I get a guy but I can handle chicks. It's just sex, Noriko. Give lonely people a thrill. Think about it, you've been alone for months or even years, you get desperate, call up a number, and I show up on your doorstep." he grinned up at me. "Who could turn me down?"

"No one...," I admitted quietly, avoiding his gaze.

I finished off the beer at hand and lit a cigarette, staring back out at the view.

He laid his head on my thigh, hand absently stroking the flesh, humming softly as he closed his eyes.

I tightened up, holding my breath as I looked warily down at him. Why my thighs? My breath came out in a huff. He didn't know anything. I could pass for drunk and pretend to forget all of this tomorrow.

Easy.

I ran a hand through his hair, almost absentmindedly, speaking to him, "You have a great voice, even when you're not singing."

Well, at least he'd forgotten about the whole Tohma ordeal... for now.

"Someone once told me I was born for phone sex...wouldn't know, never done it but I find that comment amusing." he said, looking up at me. His nails ran lightly down my thigh, tickling it.

I gave a little sigh, goose bumps rising on my leg at his touch, sending a light shiver throughout me. Why my thighs!

Gods, what he did to me!

Well… if they touched my legs like that, what anyone could do to me… fucking sensitive legs."Phone sex isn't the same if you ask me," I commented, taking a drag off the cigarette in her hand.

"Mmm, as I said, wouldn't know." he said, placing a kiss on my thigh, humming softly as he did. "Are you cold?"

I blushed, ducking my head. "Just... just a little."

"Then I'll keep you warm," he said, moving closer and wrapping his arms around my waist, curling his body around mine, his head in my lap. "My Nori." he mumbled.

I snorted a light laugh. "Why yours?"

I rubbed his back lightly, smiling down at him, watching him. Okay, I just had to keep breathing normally, he just didn't know how his head in my lap affected me, he didn't. So, I couldn't really move. I just had to breath was all...

"Because I'm a selfish, spoiled brat and I said you're mine," he said, licking my thigh. "Mine, mine, mine." He hugged my hips. "Mine."

I inhaled sharply as I felt his tongue. Bad, bad, bad!

"Ryu," I told him with a shakey smile. "You shouldn't lick people..."

"Mm, why not?" he asked, looking up at me as he licked me again, running his teeth lightly over my skin.

Because it gives me evil thoughts? Because you don't have to, just being near you turns me on to no end? I thought, heaving a sigh.

I tilted my head back with a groan as he did it again. "..cause..."

"Because why, Noriko?" he asked, nibbling my skin, hands caressing my thighs. His tongue made small circles over my flesh, followed by small bites.

"I don't know," I whispered weakly, looking down at him.

I was completely done in. I knew it.

He sat up, pushing me back, kissing me deeply, his hand sliding up my body to my stomach as he kissed me.

I kissed him back, wrapping me arms around his neck.

This was bad. Tohma was going to hate me. Maybe hate him... I didn't think Ryuichi'd want that.

My body wouldn't listen. I moaned softly as his hands roamed over me, I shifted under him to accommodate him better, one hand trailing down his shirt teasing a nipple through the material.

He groaned and pressed more against me, his mouth leaving mine to nip and suck at my neck, one hand sliding up to caress my breast, teaching it through my shirt.

I arched into his hand, mine now fumbling at his pants. It was too much. It was everything I wanted and I couldn't wait any longer. And if it was just this once, who would ever know?

He rolled us so that I was on top, holding my hips, letting me take charge as he ran his hands slowly up the sides of my body and back down. "Eager, Nori?"

I leaned in, touching their foreheads as I smiled at him. "You have no idea Ryu... none," I breathed before taking him in a deep, hungry kiss.

My finger undid the button, slowing slightly as I unzipped the tight pants, wriggling them down a little to pull him out, stroking lightly, teasing. He groaned into my mouth, hands burying themselves in my hair as his hips jerked with my touch. He nipped at my lips, one hand sliding under my shirt to caress a breast, massaging it, pinching the nipple.

I moaned, nipping at his lip before moving down to his neck, grazing my teeth lightly over the smooth skin, kisses trailing after. I moved my hand a little faster, but not by much, just wanting to hear his voice again.

For me this time. Not Tohma, not a crowd, for me.

"Nori..." he moaned, pressing up into my hand, whimpering softly. "Please, Nori..."

I sighed softly into his neck, eyes closing in contentment. But I couldn't play like this for long.

I shifted, maneuvering my panties off from under the skirt, and positioned him before slowly settling down, hissing lightly. He moaned deeply, his hands sliding down to my hips as I slid down onto him, pressing up into me, watching me through slitted eyes.

"You feel good, Nori." he whispered.

I pressed my palms into his chest, breathing heavy.

"Gods... you... too," I gasped, adjusting slowly, enjoying the feel of him inside me.

I started moving, rising in falling to a slow time, whimpering slightly. He moved with me, sitting up to capture my lips in a long kiss, moaning softly as he held me close, closing his eyes.

I groaned into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. My knees were getting uncomfortable, but I would live. Stopping was not an option. I pulled back, resting my head on his shoulder, panting.

"Ryu...," I moaned softly, almost mewling, holding him closer.

He kissed me again as he moved inside me, groaning softly, one arm around my hips to guide me, the other touching my cheek gently.

I moved with him, panting lightly as I held him tighter. I shut my eyes, body reaching for that finish which seemed untouchable, before I pressed my face into his neck, muffling my moan of his name as I came.

He moaned my name, nails digging into the soft flesh of my body, teeth biting as he exploded inside me, panting softly, falling back onto the ground, taking me with him.

Gasping slightly, I fell with him, feeling a chill as a breeze hit the sweat coating my skin.

And it hit me... oh, shit.

"R-ryuichi...?" I asked softly, shifting so he was out of me.

He just groaned softly, turning his head as his eyes remained closed, chest rising and falling. I slipped off of his hips, redoing his pants before seeking out my panties, sliding them on.

Okay… it was a stupid move on a lot of counts… but maybe I'd get lucky…

You will note, throughout the chapters that lies and cycles are a big theme. I see life as a cycle, we continue them and cannot break them. Many will argue that you can break a cycle, but I feel that you find a way to continue it in other than how you did before. You may no longer date the abusers, but you may start dating people that can be abused, thus taking on the abuser role in some way. The cycle goes on. Or you may find that while you stop the destructive habits, you may make it your mission to try and 'help' those with your long gone traits. The cycle goes on.

I must say, if you know my writing style, this really isn't it. I didn't want to tamper too much of the original posts, so the descriptions are lackluster. Forgive me for that. But sometimes there is more in less.

Lies... Maybe I will post my theory on life next chapter. I'm not saying that life is a lie... but it's all in how we percieve things, isn't it?

Please review.

SL


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I own nothing from Gravi. _

Authors Notes: This was supposed to be the best chapter, but I can't do Ryuichi in the sense that the Role Player who does Ryuichi could. Please ignore the difference in attitude, I made his appearance brief, though I hope my work doesn't suffer because of it. Enjoy.

**Noriko's Story**

Luck is not my forte…

I could never stand the thought of ridding a life from this world. Maybe disappearing, but always returning. Things always have a way of coming full circle.

But I disgust myself when I think of all the options that ran through my mind just to make sure he was safe. Why should I protect those who don't deserve it? Why give and keep giving until I wind up the pauper that no one would help?

Self-pity. Another disgusting trait. I seem to invoke it though I don't try to. I always think I can handle my own. My sex should have nothing to do with anything. I wish I could care as much as I do now without getting involved. Keep my hands clean. But I always screw something up.

My lot in life was never perfect. I should've just gone with it like the 'docile' female should. But I'm a troublemaker, never satisfied with what I have, good or bad.

**The Cycle Of Lies**

I rolled out of bed late again today. This makes it almost a week. Rubbing my eyes, I shuffle into the bathroom, brush my teeth, shower dress in my lazy clothes.

I wasn't going into school again.

My parents would never find out, I had moved out when I had gotten into this High School. It was our deal. If I could get in, they'd get me a place of my own. They'd support me from afar. It's perfect actually. My own little house. Not a home, doesn't feel like a home. But it's kinda close, I guess.

Sighing, I picked up the phone on the side table next to my couch, calling the school office for two things:

1.) To call myself out again.  
2.) To call Ryuichi out for the day.

A voice floated me out of my sporadic thoughts. "Hello? Suzuki-san for Gakkan Urayasu high school."

I faked a weak cough, not breathing out my nose so I sounded stuffed up. I was so used to this from the last few days, I didn't even have to think about it.

"Hello… it's Noriko-chan again…," I wheezed.

"Still have that bug? Don't worry, just remember to do your work while you're out."

I made a face into the phone. Ugh. Adults. "Yes, ma'am... I was also wondering, would it be okay to speak with Sakuma Ryuichi-kun, please? I need someone to bring my work."

I gave another weak cough before going to light a cigarette, then stopping myself, throwing my pack and lighter into the trash. I had to quit now.

"If you'll hold..."

I flopped onto the couch, waiting in sickening nervousness for Ryuichi to get down to the office to pick up the phone. After a bit, I heard some shuffling, mindless secretary chatter and a loud click before Ryuichi smooth voice came over the line.

"Yeah?"

"Bunny Boy… you have to get down to my place," I instructed him, dropping the sick voice. "Get out of there however you can, but get out."

I sighed, taking in a deep breath feeling nauseous. "We've got problems…"

"Right-o."

And the line went dead.

Did he even care? Was he worried at all? Maybe he thought it was just some excuse to hang out or something.

"Good enough," I whispered, placing the phone back in the cradle.

Ryuichi was going to kill me… that was probably nothing compared to what Tohma might do to both of us though.

The door bell rang, shocking me out of my self-induced guilt trip. I bolted off the couch, grabbing the door and yanking it open, a tight smile on my lips.

"Hey… thanks, Ryu… coming here didn't cause any problems, did it?"

I didn't want him to get in any trouble at home. Something told me his home life wasn't exactly stellar.

"No," he told my with a happy smile, walking in and sitting on the couch.

"Want anything?" I asked, shutting the door and turning to face him.

He just shook his head, shutting off his walkman, letting the headphones rest around his neck, humming pleasantly.

Sighing, I took a seat next to him. "Ryu… remember last week… when I took you out?"

He then looked a little worried, but kept smiling and nodding. "You didn't tell, Tohma, did you?"

"No!" I said, shocked. "No… but… we forgot something that night."

"Oh! Did we leave something? Are your parents mad or something?"

I laughed quietly. "No, I live alone."

"Cool! Wish I could do that," he said, looking relieved.

I just tried to keep smiling, as I felt the tears prick at my eyes.

"Ryuichi… I think I'm pregnant."

Everything seemed to freeze then. His humming stopped, his smile froze and I didn't think I could breathe.

"But… it's only been a week… have you taken a test or something?" he asked nervously, now fidgeting with the headphones around his neck.

I shook my head. "Sometimes you just know."

I knew a week was a little early for a test to be correct. But I felt something different about myself.

Or maybe I was just afraid to take a test. Maybe I just wanted to keep putting it off and putting it off telling myself 'a little longer and the test will be definite'.

"I could do one now if it would make you feel better though…," I suggested, having picked one up a few days ago. The box had said 'early response', so I thought it would've been the best one.

He nodded slowly. "Please?"

I got up with a sigh, locking myself up in my bathroom, listening to Ryuichi shuffle about. I didn't want to know what he was doing. I really didn't want to go back out to a coked up friend. Not like this.

Slowly, I removed the box from the medicine cabinet, sitting it on the edge of the sink staring at it.

What if I just walked back out and gave a huge smile and sigh of relief, laughing at how silly I was, tucking the test away? What if…

What if's. I hate them so much.

My fingers tear the flimsy cardboard of the box, tipping out a plastic wrapped test into my open palm. I read the instructions quickly, tossing the box in the trash and proceed to take the test.

Three minutes later (actually five because I wanted to be sure) I went back into the living room, leaning against the doorway that leads into the kitchen.

He looked at me, smiling lazily as he lounged into the couch.

"I'm pregnant."

Ryuichi blinked at me, smile falling away. The stereotypical 'oh fuck, what did I do!' face stealing over him. I wanted to cry then, not knowing what to do.

"Ryuichi," I said softly. My voice was so tight… "What should we do?"

"Get rid of it."

Did he… he really just told me to get rid of our child? MY child? I was too angry now to care.

"No," I said firmly. "I refuse."

"But then what do I do about Tohma!" he cried out, stilling stiffly on the couch, tears welling in his eyes.

"I'll…," I paused. I'll what? "I'll protect you."

I asked him to leave after that, sending him off with a note to drop off to school saying I was going to have to stay home for a long duration to care for a sick relative and to please keep sending Ryuichi home with my work.

When he was gone. I cried. I don't how long I was on the couch crying, but it felt like forever. I felt like I would never be able to cry again.

I had officially fucked up my life for one reckless night that no one cared about. It was such a cold feeling. A cold thought.

I stumbled towards the bathroom and threw up, curling myself into a ball on the floor afterwards before a set of dry heaves came over me. There was nothing left in me.

Getting up, I washed my face, brushed my teeth to rid my mouth of the thick, vile taste coating my tongue. I decided to crawl back into bed. Maybe I'd stay there until this was all over. I didn't want to think about the doctor's appointments I'd have to make, a job I'd have to find so I could pay the bills so my parents wouldn't find out.

Maybe it would all be gone tomorrow. Maybe I'd really wake up and I'd go into school tomorrow and Ryuichi wouldn't be there… he would've just been a figment of my dreams. Tohma would be just as quiet in music class, and the whirlwind of the last few weeks would really be just a wonderfully horrid dream that I'd had in only a few hours.

Maybe.

_I'm pathetic. I was so ahead of schedual I thought I wouldn't start chapter five until monday... _

I lied to myself.

I know it wasn't as good as the others, I apologize.

Review.

SL


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: Don't own any of it. _

Authors Notes: This is the most rapid work I've done on a fic ever. This is a filler chapter, basically it was not RPed out before I wrote it. So, once again, Ryuichi's personality will be sporadic thoughout the story from where I fill in for him, to where the Role Player plays him. Please forgive any confusion. Enjoy.

**Noriko's Story**

Time either means everything, or nothing.

Some say life is all about timing. Others say live for the moment.

Meaningful. Meaningless.

Time can be a precious commodity, something treasured, every second. But when you want it to end, to put the Day to rest, tuck it in beneath the ocean, hide it behind the mountains, what does it mean then?

Every person you see rushing because they are late… are they trying to catch up with Time, or were they late to avoid it?

More questions… always more questions than there are answers. The answers bring more questions. An endless cycle of baggage.

Why am I late? Which answer do I have?

**The Façade Of Family**

I knew I was pregnant before I took the test.

I knew I was pregnant before I missed my period.

I knew I was now a statistic.

I knew I was going to be a single parent.

I knew I could handle it.

What I didn't know was how everyone else could handle it. I didn't know how everyone else could handle their lives without me. I was the mediator. The middleman. The clown. The confidante. The lover. The friend. The caretaker.

I made things flow when a damn was put up. I worked hard to keep the machine of my friends' lives running smoothly.

But what now?

Now I had someone to truly take care of. Now I was going to be thrown into reality head-on. Now I was going to experience the horrible joys of motherhood and childhood all at once.

Now, I was an adult.

I was at the threshold of my youth and my impending adulthood. I could no longer idly spend my afternoons doing whatever I pleased. Now I had a list to organize my life. To keep it in order.

It was the only thing I could do to keep myself sane.

I made that list, and others day after day, sticky notes and papers littered my house, my Synth collecting dust. That was my oh-so recent past. That was my youth. I could no longer have the dreams of grandeur of becoming someone famous. You couldn't play on stage with on hand, a child in the other. You couldn't exactly tell a roaring crowd to hush because they'll wake the baby backstage.

I made the lists, followed them to a 't'. My habitual late habits were suddenly gone. I had organized and researched the best doctors, pediatricians, OB/GYN's within my town. Within the neighboring towns and cities. I would drive as far as I had to, to make sure nothing could go wrong. Nothing matter except the health of my child.

My grades improved greatly while I tried to get my life in order. Instead of letting the homework Ryuichi brought me everyday pile up. I worked on it all until it was finished, then went back to my lists.

I went to go see the owner of the bar I always played at, we became fast friends from the moment I had started coming by. I told him my problem after denying a drink, which he would usually offer me. He agreed to let me work as a bartender and play in my spare time if I wanted, he'd count it as working hours too.

I wouldn't play for the crowds anymore, changing my hair color every so often to distract the regulars from their probing questions.

When you see a girl with purple hair, are you really going to ask if she's gained any weight?

I begged Ryuichi to do whatever he had to, to keep Tohma from coming by my house and the bar. And for a while, it succeeded. But after a few months, he did come by, knocking on my door after school, sometimes during school when I knew he should be in class, waiting for me to open up.

I left him there standing for three hours one time. And he stood. He did not sit on the steps in front of the doors, he didn't pace. He stood stock-still for three hours, knocking every once in a while, leaving me a note.

Noriko-chan,

Ryuichi has been acting funny all these months, and you have fallen off the face of the Earth. I know for a fact you are still here. You're car comes and goes every now and then. The people at the bar say they see you often, almost everyday.

What's happened? Have we done something wrong?

Please, Nori-chan, come back to us. We'll help.

Tohma-kun

I cried after reading it over and over again. Only to get up and file it away silently with the other pleas from friends and family.

I told the people at the bar, the ones I knew who had spoken to Tohma, to keep their mouths shut. I ducked in the back room every time I saw a flash of blonde and pink.

I stopped answering my phone, erasing the messages left as they only caused me more tears. Speaking only to my parents who congratulated me on my grades, told me to visit and call more and asked if I needed anything.

All I wanted was my life back.

But there was no time for regret and self-pity. Between driving to doctors an hour away, working as much as possible to pay the bills, morning sickness (which is really anytime sickness) and having to avoid anyone I knew whenever I went out, I had no time for breathing it seemed.

Ryuichi came by every morning to pick up my homework and every afternoon to drop more off. I kept our visits short, although I wanted him to always stay longer. Play house for a while maybe.

Get me out of my head.

But I knew any time spent away from Tohma would make the blonde suspicious. Then, everything I was trying to hide would fall to shambles. I'd ask only the necessities: How was Tohma? Did he suspect anything? Is he still looking around? How was he doing? Was school going okay for him? How was their relationship?

Small things. It made me feel like I was still, in some small way, a part of their lives.

Ryuichi seemed to get sick of this routine one day, coming over to my house after school, books in hand, as usual. I opened the door, smiling as I took them from him, asking the questions.

He asked me some back.

"How're you doing?" Ryuichi asked me quietly.

I blinked, taken aback. "Uh… as well as I can be doing, I guess."

He nodded slowly. "How far along are you now?"

"'Bout five months."

"You look good."

My eyes watered up, and I wanted to hug him, but I blinked them back. "Thanks… guess you should be going now…"

Instead, he slipped past me into my house, stopping to look around. Everything was neat, clean, organized, papers and sticky notes everywhere.

"I… needed to get things in order for myself," I whispered, holding the books tightly to my chest, bowing my head over them.

All I could see was the watery outline of my growing stomach.

I shut the door softly, turning around, sniffling quietly.

"Do you have a doctor?" Ryuichi asked, breaking the suffocating silence.

"Yeah… been going once a month like I have to, giving the blood they ask for every time."

Another long silence.

"So… your parents know then?"

"No," I confessed softly, the tears falling. "I've been working down at the bar. The owner and I are friends… he had no issues with it."

He hummed lightly in response before turning back to face me. "Do you need anything, Seaweed?"

A silent sob hitched in my chest, and I shook my head. "No… I'm fine… I'll be fine…"

"Let me help…"

The tears ran faster and I shut my eyes, shaking my head jerkily. "No… I can't let you. Tohma…"

"Seaweed… just let me spend more time with you… be there with you for this," he said, voice sounding as though it were bordering on exasperated.

"I can't-"

I didn't get to finish. I'd been feeling nauseous all day and every cracker I had eaten to try and sooth the feeling with was now about to come back up. Hurriedly I placed the books on the couch and sped-walked to the bathroom, not able to even close the door before retching.

I moaned softly… puking hurt when you were heaving an extra person with every retch. I shut my eyes, still crying as I waited out the rest of the nausea. I felt a hand on my head and looked up, blinking.

"It's… purple," he said, fingering the ends of my hair.

"Yeah… I'd liked this color the best… for work," I rasped gently.

He lifted his eyebrows. "How is dying your hair a requirement for work?"

"Takes the distraction off the rest of me," I said with a weak smile.

"C'mon," Ryuichi murmured, helping me to my feet and into the living room, setting me on the couch.

He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of water. "Here."

I started to cry again as I took it from him, shakily pressing it to my lips. Fucking hormones. I'd never cried so much in my life over the stupidest things.

"Thanks," I murmured, setting the glass down on the coffee table.

Ryuichi sat down next to me. "I'm going to be a part of this."

"But… Tohma…"

"I can deal with that when it comes up," he sighed, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

I had no choice but to agree. I was far too tired and realized I need some help to take some of the load off.

Ryuichi was nice enough to continue with my homework, helping me get to my appointments when I became too big and was worried about driving, picking up the groceries I needed and argued about my job.

He said the secondhand smoke couldn't be healthy for the baby. I told him I was worried too, but the baby has been just fine. And I needed to pay the doctors with something.

Tohma continued to stop by sporadically, I'm guessing in hopes of finding me. Ryuichi never stayed the night, he never stayed longer than an hour. Two tops. It was easy for him to make up excuses to Tohma with those time limits it seemed.

I hated doing this to him. Having this huge lie to hide from his boyfriend. That's why I wanted to do it on my own. Why drag him down? And there could be less blame on Ryuichi if he did stay away, than now when he was around, when Tohma found out.

I knew he would one day. It was just a matter of what day it was.

Before long I had to take leave from work. My due date was a few days away and I wanted to be home to get to the hospital. Not in a bar full of drunks.

I asked Ryuichi if he could spend the night on those days leading up to my due date. I was scared, nervous and I wanted someone there with me. He relented after a bit, for which I was thankful.

In truth, I wanted nothing more than Ryuichi and Tohma with me as I woke up in the middle of the night gasping and clutching at my swollen belly. Stumbling out of bed to dress, panting, moaning, calling for Ryuichi. There was a moment of fear when I didn't hear him coming. When I thought he had left and I was finally, truly alone. But he was at my side soon enough, helping me, taking up the over night bag and getting me to the hospital.

The nurses fluttered about smiling and giggling in a tizzy of excitement and I clutch Ryuichi's hand, not letting him go, pleading through the spasms of pain that he would stay with me throughout it. He agreed, though pale and when they wheeled me to the delivery room, the drugs taking their effect, I was already crying my apologies, for which his stricken face did not know how to react to.

The labor was long and strenuous on my body, and I screamed until I was hoarse, only to scream more. The voices of the nurses and doctors where not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear Ryuichi's, telling me something, anything. I wanted Tohma to be at my other side, smiling and patting my hand like I knew he would be.

I wanted the only people who I felt were family. Ryuichi had to be escorted out of the delivery room just as our child was born. He had begun to freak out. His voice murmuring in a high pitched frenzy, grating on my ears, making me cry harder.

And then I was alone.

There was silence, and I felt empty, still sobbing, though silent as I waited, not able to look around for my child.

Something grayish pink was placed against my chest and my arms went around it softly. Panting, I looked downward at… my child. He was here. Finally he was here. All my time and effort and planning seemed useless. Nothing could've prepared me for this one moment when I knew that O had just given birth, life… to something this small.

The hospital released me in a day or two with our child, Morimoto Musuko.

We gave him a different last name than ourselves because we had made a decision on what to do. I struggled, argued against it internally. But soon my grades were slipping again, I wasn't able to keep up with anything and Little Rabbit needed better.

Ryuichi was holding him after school when he voiced it. "Nori… I think we need to put him up for adoption. It'd be for the best."

"I can't! He's my son!" I cried desperately, feeling violated at the idea.

"Noriko," he said calmly, looking down at our son, a slender finger smoothing over one of his round cheeks.

Eyes identical to mine opened and smiled up at him. A trait in my family are our strange Mulberry colored eyes. Little Rabbit had inherited them.

"Alright," I whispered, hands clenched in my lap. "Alright."

We an orphanage just outside of our town, and we left him there with the people in charge and I demanded these things be given to him when he was old enough.

A stuffed pink copy of Kumagoro with a golden heart locket around it's neck, a note tucked away inside. On the locket I had engraved Little Rabbit, and the short note had taken me hours to write. To make it right.

Little Rabbit-

I don't know where you may be when you read this, or if you ever will read this. I hope you do though. Please, don't hate your father and I. We were far to young to ever give you the home you needed. We were still kids ourselves. But, please, if know that if anything, we love you. That will never change. I'm so sorry, it hurts thinking about what may happen to you, but it's the best for everyone.

Always, Forever, Promise.

No names… Ryuichi had thought it best. But I did sneak pictures of us in the locket without his knowing. I wanted Rabbit to know me somehow.

And that was the worst day of my life. Abandoning our son. Leaving him with figments of people that had left him.

Maybe if it had been a little later in my life, I would've argued harder to keep him. Maybe not. It just wasn't our time to be together.

Timing really was everything to me now.

_Hello! _

Chapter six is done, and I'm not starting seven yet, which is a surprise!

I'm in a hurry, so please review!

SL


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Gravitation. _

Author's Notes: Alright… this is another filler chapter, one that will be starting the closing of Noriko's High School life. I have no idea what the title means to be honest with you… it just came up. Now, this is a depressing chapter. We see Nori's view on her depression, which she fallen into. Now, as I've said before, since I play Nori, her thoughts are like mine, though I know when I RP her, we differ. Where I would get mad, she would smile, things like that. But, I tell you this now:  
I don't know if she really is crazy. Yes, she was suicidal in this chapter. No, she does not cut herself or starve herself or any of that teen angst bullshit.  
This is my depression folks. This is what some of us life through every fucking day. You can see how it may just drive someone insane. Now, I just would like you to keep in mind that she is NOT hearing voices… but her thoughts are taking on a life of their own. The voice I mention is just a representation of how she is no longer in control of her life. Understandable, no?  
So, like before: I am not a sociopath, nor a suicidal, crazy fuck. I have my depression under control… and Nori will show you how I lived through it. Enjoy.

**Noriko's Story**

Secrets are a part of life.

We go on and on hiding some part of ourselves from some people. We are thoughtless, selfish, denying beings. Telling ourselves hiding something from someone is what's best for them.

How do we know? Are we them?

No, but we do it to make ourselves feel better. Not a day goes by that I wished I could've told the truth, hoping things wouldn't change. But I'm hiding behind the same excuse as the rest of the world…

I thought it was best.

**Mask Of Joy, Eyes Of Sorrow**

Surprisingly, it wasn't a hard transition back into my life. Few old friends, the ones I had known for years, spoke to me, averting their eyes after searching me out in the hallways, talking louder when I walked past to see if I would stop.

I wouldn't. I refused.

Who had continued to try and find me when I fell off the face of the Earth? Who had stood by my when I gave no explanations? Who had continued to show me they still cared when everyone else gave up?

Tohma and Ryuichi.

They were all I needed I realized, though I would always feel something different around them now. I know this unsettled air would hover over us.

For how long could I ignore it?

Rabbit had been born the second month in summer. School had been out and I still passed, the school excusing my absences for the sake of my 'sick relative', who, sadly, passed away despite my efforts.

It was my turn to seek Tohma out. Ryuichi's visits had begun to peter off since we had left our child. I guess he thought all would be right with the world after that.

I was left with this emptiness. I was more aware of Ryuichi's distance to me, Tohma's eyes watching me carefully, as if monitoring my every word. It was a long time before I smiled again. A long time before I took them up on their prodding to go play again.

I dutifully sat through classes once school started up again. I wasn't as loud or rambunctious in the halls. I made no efforts to ditch school or do well in school.

I just was.

I seemed to be there just for the sake of existing. A cold thought. What did I have to live for? Exist for? Why did I have to be there, just because my friends wanted me there?

Nasty thoughts tumbling throughout my mind constantly. My new state of silence left me locked in my own head, unable to escape the side of me I supposed I left repressed. The side of me that didn't want to smile when something was wrong, the side that didn't want to take care of everyone else, but be taken care of.

Now I was face to face with that other me every waking moment.

The old, happy me was just a washed out, grey memory, too weak and old to fight back. I could feel myself constantly slipping deeper and deeper into the depths of my own mind and I couldn't take it anymore. I started listening to music, any kind, it didn't matter, where ever I was. If no one was talking, the silence seemed almost life threatening.

Silence allowed me the peace to think.

Soon, I couldn't stand my own mind anymore, a headphone blaring in one ear, someone talking to me in the other, muttering to myself in between the occasional answers I had to give. The silence would kill me, I knew it.

Some days, I felt if I stopped moving, it would all be over. If I stopped, the world stopped. The noise would stop. And I would be frozen in silence, left with only my thoughts. Other days, sleeping until I couldn't sleep anymore was the best option. Laying dormant in the blissful dark horror that was my dreams, provided me with a safe silence away from mind.

When I would wake up, the thoughts would be back.

They began to take on a voice. I knew there was a voice attached to the thoughts, or else I wouldn't've talked back to them. But if I tried to focus on it, I wouldn't be able to say there was one at all. It was like a dull, roaring whisper in the way back of my mind. When I wasn't paying attention it would be as loud as someone talking directly into my ear, at a whisper, and that would bring me back and then it would recede to the farthest reaches of my mind, the darkest corners.

I began to question my own sanity.

Am I crazy? Have I lost it? Was I actually locked up in a mental ward, dreaming I'm sane?

But, then again, crazy people didn't think they were crazy… did they?

I practiced little, played even less and more often than not sounded like a recorded tape of music. No feeling. No soul. No life.

But, even through this, Tohma and Ryuichi never left me. Together, the instituted ritual sleep overs and movie nights and just nights where we went out. It was hard to get myself our of bed for these things. Hard to look forward to their happy smiles and laugh compared to my dried out, dead ones, but after a while… it became easier.

I wasn't tuning out the alarm in the mornings anymore. I wasn't futzing about my house every morning, taking such a slow time of getting out of bed to go shower, then make myself eat breakfast and do every other possible thing to keep myself from leaving the confines of my house. Soon, I felt like I was snapped out of slow motion and was going faster, back to my normal rate. After a while I began lifting my head up more and more to talk instead of muttering to the table I would stare at.

By staying by me, they saved me from myself.

_Cheesy place to end it, I know. But it felt right.  
Next chapter will be her coming out of the darkness... so to speak. They will... well, I don't want to give it away, now do i?  
Well, I hoped you enjoyed this little bit, and I don't mind telling you all personally that my friends did save me. They never left my side and made me continue on with life. Not everyone needs drugs in my opinion, sometimes they just need a push. I was exactly like this, and sometimes I fall back into it again. I'm asking all of you out there, if any of your friends are like this, have these odd reasonings, stick by them. They'll need you.  
Please review. _

SL


	8. Chapter 8

_Disclaimer: Don't own it! _

Author's Notes: Helloo again! Here's the next instalment of Noriko's Story! YAY! I'm proud of this one, but very disappointed in the reviews... glare C'mon guys... give a struggling writer some feedback, man! Ah, well... whatever. See if I review for you guys. Neh!

**_Noriko's Story_**

_Some think music is the flow of life. _

The gentle ebb and flow of a mellow voice with soft, caressing music following it. The head pounding beat of thumping drums as they're mercilessly beaten, electric guitars screaming over them, a ragged voice forced on top of that. Of all the things that music is made up of… I feel it isn't these.

Feelings. Emotions.

These are the things of which music is made of, of which we can listen to and have a poignant memory of something or someone from long ago. Music is nothing without feeling, and sometimes it seems that feelings are nothing without music. Like the proverbial chicken and egg question. Which came first?

Dreams and Reality.

They mingle so often sometimes, the line between the blurs. Was becoming a famous a dream or reality? Sometimes I'm not sure at all.

Sometimes I wish it was all a dream.

**_The Blackest Tears_  
**  
It was almost over, this dream of ours… our final year of High School was coming to an end. Our parting of ways would soon be upon us and I wasn't ready for it. I knew we would never see each other again.

Tohma had to go to college. I would have to try for a college, or my parents would pay to get me into one, and Ryuichi… he never told us what he wanted or had to do.

I think he had more faith than Tohma and I. I think he may have been clutching at the hope we would stay a band forever.

I made more efforts to be with them, once the reality set in that we were going to be parting ways very soon. I spent as much time with them as they would allow, as I am sure that they spent as much time with each other as they could. And then it was time. The day had finally come.

Graduation.

Everyone looked exactly the same save for us three in the dark colored caps and gowns. Ryuichi with Kumagoro dressed identical to him, Tohma with his standout features, and me between them with my newly dyed purple hair. I had to sneak by with it tucked under my cap before taking my seat and letting it tumble down as I resettled the cap, grinning.

The troublemaker had returned.

Speech after annoying speech was made. Principal, Vice Principal, Valedictorian, some other student, and probably others. I dozed off during it. Tohma had awakened me just as my head tipped backwards, cutting off a snore. I caught my cap and hoped I wasn't making it too obvious I had slept through the speeches which were to 'inspire us on our way to greatness, for we were the future. And we were being counted on to make a difference.'

Someone, just give me a tranquilizer and let me either die from too much as I slip into sleep, or lose all function of my limbs while I stay in a hazy consciousness.

No such luck.

Soon, name after name was being called. Hand after hand gripped tightly by five or so different people with a little jiggle, and empty book after empty book passed out. We would be receiving the document that stated our passing of High School later.

We got to do this all. Over. Again.

Goddamnit! I was tired, I was pissy, and I wanted out!

Tohma sat straight, firm backed, comfortable in the hot gown and cap (come on, it was a hat, of course he wore it well). He looked quite fine sitting there smiling. But I was guessing he was just as bored.

"Trying to convince my parents NOT to take me out to eat."

Well... that didn't sound too hard. Tohma was wonderful at convincing people of things.

If nothing else Ryuichi and I would rescue him.

The heat was starting to make me drowsy, and I felt my eyes closing slightly.

"Mm... well... we need to do something," I said, trying to smother a yawn.

"I was going to go get drunk." Ryuichi said, giving a wide and fake smile as pictures were taken.

"Go to the woods, build a clubhouse in the trees, get drunk, and then jump?" Tohma planned out of no where.

"Yes!" I said, giggling quietly.

I could picture it, everyone flailing as they fell... but then we bounced back up.

Now I couldn't stop giggling.

"We'll sneak off after this," I murmured, slouching in my chair, eyes fully closing.

Too boring to stay awake.

"I vote we sneak off during." Ryuichi said.

My eye cracked open. "Think we could get away with it?"

Tohma looked down in his lap, my eyes followed. Ryuichi was being very bold with his hand massaging Tohma's thigh in front of a sea of people. Not to mention his family.

Tohma must've realized all the eyes that could be watching him, because with a quick flick, Tohma pulled Ryuichi's hand from him and set it back down on his own thigh.

"I don't know about you two, but if I don't hand my father a diploma when this is over, he'll kill me. I bet he has two of his assistants watching me and the doors right now."

"Alright, alright," I grumbled. "We'll wait it out..."

I yawned silently, relaxing in the uncomfortable chair again. "Wake me when they call me... this is too boring."

But, I couldn't sleep. Not really. Too much noise, too much shifting.

And this chair was fucking killing my back!

I heard Tohma groan softly and my lips twitched, wondering if Ryuichi's hand had found a better place.

"Ryuichi just left," Tohma whispered to me. "If you want to follow him, you should. I'll call you guys later and we can meet somewhere."

Sighing, I opened my eyes to look at Tohma. "Come with us!" I hissed, sitting back up in the chair.

Fucking plastic... who's idea was it to make plastic chairs!

"We'll get your paper later... please Tohma?"

Who knew what Ryuichi was doing...

"It's not about that, it's about my father watching me. I can't sneak away when there are eyes staying on me," Tohma breathed, "You just go and watch over him. You don't want to be here, either. I promise, I'll meet up with you guys right after."

"Screw your father for once!" I told him. "You're old enough to make your own decisions now... you have to do it sometime."

I shifted in my seat, getting ready to crouch away. "And I think you should start now."

"Just go find Ryuichi. You know the stupid crap he does when he feels bored and self-distructive."

I huffed, crouching low as I tried to avoid stares and hisses from people. He had better find us later. I slipped out of the auditorium, telling a faculty member I had to use the restroom as I headed for the bathrooms.

I heard someone in the boys room, and it could only be one person.

"Ryu?" I asked, pushing the door open slightly.

I didn't want to walk on someone else.

Ryuichi grunted, not actually answering, snorting another line up his nose as he sat on the counter, banging his head lightly against the mirror. His cap was tossed in a corner, gown zipped open to reveal the belly exposing shirt and leather pants.

I couldn't help but stare for a few moments, half of me loving the sight before me, the other half wondering how Ryuichi wasn't dying in those pants. But I found my voice soon.

"What's wrong?" I asked, dropping the cap to the ground, peeling off the gown and revealing a tank top and short skirt.

I knew it was going to be hot.

"He pushed my hand away," he muttered and increased the pace of his head banging.

"Quit that," I scolded, going over to him, both hands pressed against the sides of his head to stop him. "You know how he is about his family."

"I don't care! He's MY Tohma and he should enjoy a nice public fondling. It's not like they could see!" he said, tears in his eyes. "We haven't had sex in three weeks because HE had to study."

"Shh," I hushed, thumbs pushing away stray tears.

"You know he loves you. But he needs to keep his life in order," I tried to explain. "He'll come out and enjoy a nice public fondling when he's ready."

"But I'm horny NOWWWW." he said, pouting before sighing. "He won't ever be in public with me, Nori. I think he's ashamed of being my boyfriend."

"No," I told him, face serious. "He could never be ashamed of you."

How the hell could I explain that?

"I think... he's just scared of... fully admitting it to himself?" I said uncertainly.

Because I knew what it was like to admit I was gay, right?

He just sighed, hugging me tightly, burying his face in my neck as he sniffled. I hugged him back, rubbing his back lightly to calm him.

"You wanna wait here or go for a walk?" I asked softly.

"Wait here. I just...I just want my Tohma." he said softly, worring at his lip. "I just want him to hug me and promise he loves me and he's not leaving me for her."

"Don't worry...he won't leave you for her," I told him.

By 'her', I assumed he meant the ever elusive fiancée. I wondered what she was like, if I'd ever meet her. My mind was wandering.

Tohma wouldn't leave Ryuichi for her... right?

Suddenly, Tohma burst through, smiling brightly even though (and this was a rare thing indeed), he was sweating. I turned to look at him, smiling in relief that he had turned up.

"Hey Tohma! Ready to run away with us yet?" I asked, smiling at him as I let Ryuichi go.

He would probably want to pounce on the blonde.

"You should get out of the gown before you pass out from the heat," I told him, taking his diploma and hat from his hands so he could remove it.

"I'm already sweltering," Tohma said, pulling down the zipper enough to let it fall and pool around his feet. Kicking the offending garment from him, he reached down, grabbed it, balled it up, and tossed it into the small overflowing trash.

"Now, let's just get out of here before they start singing the school song."

"Never were there sweeter words spoken!" I said happily, handing back the items I removed from Tohma. "Need to give this to your dad or what?"

"I'll give it to my dad later," Tohma said, grabbing the folder and tucking it under his arm. "He'll be pissed, but he can yell at me later when I can close a door in his face and put on headphones."

Ryuichi suddenly burst into tears and launched himself onto Tohma, hugging him so tightly the blond couldn't breath, sobbing. Tohma gasped as Ryuichi collided with him and then cut off his air supply with a tight hug.  
But, he was quick to wrap his arms around Ryuichi and hug him back, kissing him on the wet cheek and lips.

"Ryu... what's wrong?" he cooed, snuggling in.

I smiled at the pair and gave Tohma a small wave mouthing 'I'll be outside' over Ryuichi's shoulder. They needed some alone time anyway from what Ryuichi had told me.

Slipping out of the bathroom, I ignored the odd stares of my classmates as I went down the halls, saying my good-byes to a few people.

I was sitting on a low wall just out front of the school, smoking as I kicked my legs gently, bored out of my mind. But at least I was outside. Tons of people wanted last minute pictures of me with me because of my hair, and last minute yearbooks were signed with the usual crap.

'H.A.G.S.' 'Call me.' 'Hope you do well.' And many more of the like, knowing full well I would never see any of these people again.

Booooooooooored… I was SO bored.

Flicking the smoldering cigarette away, I couldn't help but groan, falling to one side on the wall, not caring I was in a skirt. Not ladylike? Who cared? Was I ever a lady? Although I did try to make sure I was well covered where need be…

I heard the doors open and lifted my head. Yay! They were back! And looked very happy to say the least. I guess they made up. Sitting up, I hopped off the wall and went over to them.

"Finished up where you started, huh?" I asked, eyes glittering with amusement.

Tohma smiled, hand holding Ryuichi's, who was nodding excitedly. It made me wonder for a moment, how Ryuichi viewed their relationship. Did sex mean love to him? Couldn't he just appreciate the small things? Like just going for a walk, or hanging out without the bathroom fuck. Or maybe he thought sex kept the relationship together.

I didn't know.

"So, should we party? I'm pretty sure the bar wouldn't mind us one bit," I told them.

We were going to go there anyway. It was where we started, it only seemed right that it would be where we finished. Besides, I also had surprise.

Kenichi, the owner of the bar, the one who had helped me by giving me a job, was excited for us, this being out last time and all. He was more than happy to let me decorate the place, even the stage and bar and bring a cake. I didn't reserve it because all the people who had ever come to see us should be there. They were always pleasant people, even when drunk beyond belief. I can't remember a single fight ever occurring in that place.

"Of course! Where else would we go?" Tohma asked pleasantly.

And for what I thought was the very last time, we piled into my crappy red car and Ryuichi and Tohma were rolling around the backseat as I drove like a maniac towards our beginning, as I liked to think of it. Now to be known as our ending.

I parked and shut of the car, taking a deep breath. I just didn't want to cry. This wasn't going to be the very last time, I knew that. There was still a little summer left, but something about all of this felt final.

Entering, I watched their faces as the looked around, Purple, pink and gold streamers decorating everywhere, a cake set on a table on the stage, and everyone taking a deep breath before shouting 'Congratulations!'.

That hadn't been in my plan… I looked over at Kenichi behind the bar who was grinning widely. I laughed and took in my friend's shocked faces, happy they were surprised.

"Not much, I'll admit… but I thought we could at least enjoy this place in one big bang," I said, smiling.

"Nori-chan," Tohma said softly, his smile a bit crooked now. "I don't think there could've been anything better."

After that I was practically glowing. Getting drunk, eating cake and playing on stage had been better than some dinner with Tohma's family. Both things seemed as though they were in two different worlds, and Tohma had liked mine best.

The usual music started playing throughout the bar and people went back to the loud chatter and boisterous drinking as I led them on stage. Three chairs sat around the table that held the cake, three glasses, and one bottle of rum. Another glance at Kenichi had told me that was his doing as well.

I can always be thankful for wonderful friends.

The cake had an icing Kumagoro on it, the boarder in gold, the sides decorated in purple sprinkles. It had our names in icing and even a squeezed in 'congratulations'. I think it had come out perfect. Ryuichi would love the sugar if nothing else.

Ice already in the glasses, I poured out some of the drink for all of us, taking my seat. We could get drunk, drunk later. For now, it was nice to just enjoy ourselves before the wildness kicked in. I cut the cake, giving Ryuichi Kuma's face, Tohma got his name and I got part of an ear and name.

It was nice, receiving the thanks and requests to play after we finished. And we were in no rush, eating slowly, enjoying each other's company. Once again I was hit with the thought of how final this all felt.

We spent about an hour lounging easily, stealing a little more cake, drinking until the bottle was polished off. It was then I wanted to play. The customers had been happily getting wasted since we had arrived, and only more people kept coming in, the air becoming thick and hot.

"One last time?" I asked, smiling in the happy haze the alcohol left me with.

"Never the last time," Tohma said, rising from the table.

We moved it off to the side, chairs pushed away and Tohma and I took out places at our already set up instruments, grins hard to wipe away. Ryuichi stood before the crowd which had gone silent, eyes watching us in rapt attention.

My eyes lit up. Was Ryuichi actually going to sing facing the crowd?

And then he turned to face us.

Well, not everything can be perfect.

"Hey everyone!" I called out to the crowd. They cheered back in response. "I guess this is our last time… we're all grown up!"

Boos erupted, coming forth. I laughed lightly.

"We'll still stop by, I promise! And I want to thank all of you so much… this place has been the closest thing to a home… with tons of drinking, but a home nonetheless!"

Laughter and applause.

"Thank you, Kenichi-san, for all you've done for me… thanks guys… and this is for all of you. Our good-bye!"

Tohma had slipped his gloves off, just like that first time, leaving them to rest on the edge of his board, flicking it on. I followed suit, nodding at the blonde, my fingers pouring out something soft and slow. A true good-bye. The bass pulsed almost loudly compared to the softness of our playing. Sounded almost like a heartbeat.

Ryuichi's eyes closed and his head tilted back slightly as his lips parted, words flowing out.

"Here we are asking again where is GOD ? It's breaking us down we're feeling so lost, in solitude why don't you explore a way that is new that shakes you to the core.

A resonating voice from afar, listen very close to the stars and then never again will you fall. What does it mean? How does it know? It's the final solution. Just when you think there is no place to go it's the final solution."

The notes grew louder under my fingertips, Tohma keeping the soft undercurrent as we both watched Ryuichi. Both us and the crowd eating him up. Loving the way his body swayed with the music, how his heart was in his voice.

"Clouded are minds of men, where is GOD? Some say we face diminishing odds, celestial mechanics will restore, human destiny will be reborn.

A resonating voice from afar, listen very close to the stars and then never again will you fall. What does it mean? How does it know? It's the final solution. Just when you think there is no place to go it's the final solution."

Watching him was one of the most beautiful sights I could ever imagine. Everything about him screamed amazing, yet something shy and quiet. His voice rose up and he pivoted, as if undecided whether or not turn. But then…

Ryuichi faced crowd, eyes shut tight, chest heaving slightly.

"The secret of the zodiac lies within. Living a life of sin where is GOD? Darkest are things before the dawn. The resurrection of your spirit is near, feel its evolution while you hear...

A resonating voice from afar, listen very close to the stars and then never again will you fall. What does it mean? How does it know? It's the final solution. Just when you think there is no place to go it's the final solution."

His voice faded out slowly to a melodic whisper as Tohma and I tapered off into silence. It was almost deafening.

But the sound of a pair of hands set off a chain reaction, tearing through the crowd. Applause and cheers filled in the silence where we had left off and I realized while I clapped for Ryuichi too, cheering, I was crying.

He turned around… he faced the crowd. But it was over now. As the cheers died away, we turned off our boards and took the cake down into the crowd to share. Laughing and passing along slices, drinks being handed back, I felt guilty for this incredible happiness I felt, because I knew it would have such a low later.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to smile up at a dark haired man in a smart looking suit. Not one I could recognize, and he would stand out.

"I work for Shinji Studio's," he said, handing me a card. "And I think we should talk.

_Alrighty guys... this was such a nice chapter to me. I liked it!  
Well... my little bro is getting mad at me it's 11 now and he wants the PC... so please review! I would threaten notto update until I get more reviews, but we know that's a lie. I'm addicted! _

Please review!

SL

Hey... anyone know what's up with the whole TatsXSug pairings? Dude... it's weirding me out... maybe it's cause of the Site, I dunno... but it always strikes me as odd.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Noriko's Story**_

_Memories…_

_I have a horrible memory and no one or thing to blame it on but myself. I drank them all away, in hopes to make better ones the next day. Some memories I was happy to leave behind, others, not so much. But the one's that stick with me are going to be there forever. I can never get rid of them. I try, but they only become buried and washed out, only to return full force._

_Flooding my senses with dulling alcohol was the best option I thought I had. So many things I wanted to repress, not enough alcohol consumed to obliterate them. Shattering them into the tiniest of fragments, the voices in them tinkling like small, sliver wind chimes as they crumbled._

_If only they would stop tormenting me… it wouldn't be so bad. _

_**What's In A Name?**_

I stared blankly at the flimsy card between my fingertips. Bold, upraised lettering printing out in the simplest of terms what was before me.

Shinji Records

_Kurosawa Jiro_

Producer

Looking back up at him, I had to laugh, not meaning to offend. He waited patiently until I had finished, the people around the bar giving us curious looks.

"I'd like to take your band and get it signed onto the Shinji label," he told me in all seriousness.

I blinked, staring at him. "What?"

He seemed patient enough. Like he'd done this a thousand times before. "Your band… I want to get it signed."

No way.

No FUCKING way was this happening.

Impossible. We were just friends having fun. Brought together by chance, a random shuffle of the cards, blown in by a passing wind, that was all it was. No way in hell that this was really happening.

"Nori-chan?"

I turned towards the soft voice from behind. Tohma was smiling but his eyes frowned, eyeing up Kurosawa behind me as if he should be careful.

"Tohma… look at this, and then pinch me please," I requested, holding the card out towards him.

His delicate fingers removed the card from mine and stared at it hard, face never showing a thing. He stepped forward, extending a hand towards Kurosawa.

"Seguchi Tohma," the blonde introduced, taking on a new personality. "I think we have a few things to discuss."

Kurosawa grinned, taking Tohma's hand firmly in his, giving it a small shake before letting go.

Someone… pinch me please.

"OW!" I yelped, one hand rubbing the tender flesh on the back on my arm.

I turned to glare at Ryuichi who was grinning madly. "Tohma forgot to do it," he explained.

Lucky he was too adorable to punch, especially after a performance like that. Muttering, I followed Tohma and Kurosawa to a table in the corner where we all sat and he explained his proposition.

He said he'd stopped in a few times before after hearing a small buzz about our little no name group. I was a little thrown off. There had been a buzz? Well, apparently there had been. That was pretty cool. He told us he'd almost given up on finding us when we had disappeared for those months a while back. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, sitting on my hands, staring down at the table. Kurosawa told us he needed a demo of some of our songs to present to his boss, who was excited from everything Kurosawa had apparently told about us.

We looked at each other before breaking out into small fits of giggles.

"What?" Kurosawa asked, brows knitting together.

I spoke up. "We… don't really write anything down, Kurosawa-san."

The brows unknotted and rose up high in surprise. "So… everything you've done… was improvisation?"

Improvisation? I had never thought about it like that, but I guessed that was the right way to put it.

"Yes. Ryuichi has written a few songs… but we don't write any music really," I informed him with a shrug of my thin shoulders.

His surprise only seemed to grow and meld into an almost awe-like state. But he soon regained himself.

"Well, you don't need to present any music, and if you can pull off what you did here tonight… I'm sure we'll have no problems. If nothing else, after the recording, we can write down the song."

He seemed absolutely determined to sign us, but Tohma wasn't agreeing to any contracts until we had a demo. Once done, we'd get back to him and get another meeting together. Eagerly, Kurosawa snatch up the business card, scribbling something on the back and sliding it over to Tohma.

"Direct extension. It'll bring your calls straight to me," he explained, rising from the chair.

Tohma did the same and the shook hands again with the promise of a call. When the blonde sat back down, Ryuichi and I looked at him. He was staring down at the card.

"This is absolutely unbelievable," he murmured. I could've sworn he was a bit amused.

"What should we do?" I asked, leaning in closer.

Tohma leaned back in his chair, tapping the card lightly on the table. "We said we would call… well… it wouldn't hurt to try, would it?"

No. Fucking. Way.

We were actually going to make a demo? We were actually going to try and get signed? I mean, I remember Tohma telling me that if we didn't try for it, it would be a waste, but still, I didn't take him seriously.

"I… I guess not," I admitted, feeling nervous and giddy all at once.

But there was one small concern.

Ryuichi.

If we did get signed, and if we got big, we'd have to do concerts. Live ones, where the sea of faceless masses was a writhing joined clump of flesh, screaming at the top of their lungs. Not just a small crowd of drunks.

Well, that was all an 'if' for now. At the moment, the demo was important. Tohma said he look around for the best recording place he could find and secure a studio for us. Ryuichi and I nearly tackled him out of his chair in a hug.

This was my dream almost come true.

But then that dreaded question raised its head again.

"We need a name."

_Hey one and all! Thanks for the awsome reviews! You guys read fast, that's for damn sure... Anyway, Ihope you enjoy what's to come, I'm putting a lot up in a short amount of time. Thanks again!_

_SL_


	10. Chapter 10

_Disclaimer: Don't own it! _

Author's Notes: HIYA! I just have to say, I was dreading the day this chapter had to come. The day the got the band name Nittle Grasper. I was having no luck, until yesterday while I was talking on line to a friend. I stop mid-sentence and ran off to start writing! I hope you enjoy how it came about!

**_Noriko's Story_**

_If all the world's a stage, play like you mean it everyday. _

Dress like it's your biggest performance, smile like you won't be able to tomorrow, laugh until your sides hurt and play until you drop.

I've always tried to keep that in mind.

It gets hard sometimes, but I try. Have to keep up appearances, keeping moving. It's not a matter of being noticed or recognized, it's a matter of finding your own happiness. And you can only do it by living life to the fullest, until you run out of steam.

But some days, I feel like if all the world's a stage, I'd rather do lighting.

Be apart of the background.

**_Stand Out If You Can_**

We made a demo together, the best time of my life. Ryuichi wanted to call up Kurosawa right then, but we had finished late, and Tohma convinced our over zealous singer to wait until the next day. I suggested we celebrate.

Not our bar though, some place in the city Tohma had suggested. It wasn't as homey as our place, but fun and new. It was modern, sleek somehow loud and quiet all at once. It was nice for something new to try, but not somewhere I'd like to frequent often.

We got a small table in the slightly crowded place, laughing and having a wonderful time. And why wouldn't we be having a good time? We had finished a demo, we were going to call a company that wanted us in the morning and if we made it, we could stay together.

A perfect time to celebrate, a perfect thing to celebrate.

Except for that damn hindrance we kept coming back to. A name. After all this time we'd never given ourselves a name. It's not like it would be hard. Ryuichi could probably come up with something zany enough to pass for cool, but we hadn't really tried.

Finishing off a beer, I sighed as I set the empty bottle down on the table. "We need a name guys."

Tohma groaned softly, spinning the rum in his glass gently. "We haven't thought of one in all this time."

Ryuichi was lounging comfortably, one arm draped over the back of his chair. "I still vote Nipple Twister."

Tohma and I both made faces at the long ago proposed name. How could he possibly think that was a good name? It had shock value, that was for sure, but more people might avoid buying for the name, rather than buy it because the name caught their eye. Nipple Twister… of the ideas Ryuichi could've come up with… Nipple Twister.

"There has to be something better…," I said, shaking my head. "If nothing else… we still have time. Let's worry about it tomorrow."

No one agreed with me out loud, but we did spend the rest of the night not talking about. We went from bar to bar, Tohma looking actually drunk. We hit a few karaoke bars, Ryuichi did amazingly, and we actually got Tohma to give it a shot. We were giggling and falling all over each other as we happily trounced through the dim city streets, people turning their heads as we passed by.

"We… we should get home," Tohma said, trying to keep a straight face as Ryuichi nuzzled his neck as we walked.

"One more, one more!" I chanted happily. "You're a lightweight Tohma-kun!"

Laughing, I took his hat, placing it on my head as we walked. Head tilted up, hat at a jaunty angle, I realized why Tohma liked his hats. It may not be for the same reason I felt, but it was a good enough reason. His type of hat, when worn just right, kinda made you feel… powerful. Like no matter how stupid you looked, it really wouldn't be that stupid.

"Nori-chan," he said, watching me, smiling as he slurred slightly. "If we don't get any rest, we'll be stuck with Nittle Grasper as our name."

I stopped, whirling around to look at him, mouth agape. The quick motion had almost upset me, and as I stumbled to catch myself over drunk feet, I giggled insanely.

"What?" Tohma asked, stopping in his tracks, Ryuichi watching me as well.

"You're sooooo drunk!" I informed him, leaning over with my hands on my hips. "You said 'Nittle Grasper' instead of 'Nipple Twister'!"

"Nittle Grasper…," Ryuichi mused aloud. "Not as good as Nipple Twister… but I like it."

We looked at our singer, wide-eyed. Had we actually just accidentally stumbled onto our name?

It seemed far too easy to be true. But I was starting to like it. It was a bit abstract, so it got points there… it would always have meaning to us, so big points there! And it was simple enough to pass.

Tohma started to shake his head, almost as if to turn it down, but I cut him off.

"No, wait. Think about it: We needed a name… this is perfect!"

Alright… so my drunken explanation wasn't exactly able to get across the obviousness I saw in it. But I guess it worked. I cajoled them into one more bar as another celebration of our new name.

Music floated about the smoky bar, which Tohma tried and tried again to tell us it wouldn't be good for Ryuichi's voice. But what was just one night going to do? It was time to celebrate! We almost had everything!

We took bar seat, sitting right next to each other, lost in our own amusement as we drank and talked. Eventually, closing time came and the people were still littered throughout the place, finishing up. Cigarette in one hand, beer in the other, I unsteadily climbed atop my seat, wobbling, but not falling.

"Everyone!" I shouted, face flushed, a sloppy grin on my face. People turn to look at me, snorting quiet bouts of laughter at my antics.

"Nori-chan get down," Tohma coaxed, waving a hand at me.

"Sshhh," I told him, jerking almost violently to one side, catching myself.

"Everyone, listen!" I slurred. "You all havta know… havta remember this name from now on!"

Ryuichi giggled, clapping. Randomly shouting, "Yeah, Seaweed!"

"Nittle Grasper!" I called out, laughing. "Not to be confused with Nipple Twister…"

An eruption of laughter here and there, the bartender went over to Tohma, asking him quietly to remove ourselves.

"Come down, Noriko," he told me, getting up from his seat, standing in front of me.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'!" I told him, making a face. "Just remember: Nittle Grasper!"

"That's enough. Now come down," Tohma said firmly.

I stuck my tongue out at him, but let him help me down, leaning on him for support as I laughed at my own stupidity. We left that last bar, knowing, not our band name was on their lips, but the purple haired girl who had just made an ass out of herself with something about nipples.

Ah, what can you do?

We had all stayed over my place, and I woke up groggily, rolling off the couch, to find my friends tangled together, naked and twisted up in my sheets.

"Damnit! I took the couch on the promise you wouldn't fuck in my bed!" I shouted, standing at the doorway. "Now I gotta burn the sheets."

Joke, joke. That's all I ever did. I knew what they were going to do, and why wouldn't they? Pent up passion spent in a drunken night?

Ryuichi lifted his head off of Tohma chest as the blonde looked blearily up at me from the pillows.

"Seaweed," he groaned. "Not so loooouuud…"

"It's entirely his fault," Tohma piped up, smiling, looking as though he hadn't gotten trashed last night.

Ryuichi swatted Tohma's arms tiredly, before laying his head to rest again, eyes fluttering closed.

"I'm making breakfast," I announced, leaving them to their peace.

I didn't know about them, but I could always eat after drinking heavily. Normally, I wouldn't eat breakfast, but it was still a special occasion, and I always cooked (or at least tried) when I had company. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was nearly noon, but decided on eggs anyway.

I wasn't famished, but I knew I would be dying for something to eat later if I didn't eat now.

Humming lightly as I worked around the kitchen, I soon heard water running and the two of them splashing around. I'm guessing Tohma had dumped Ryuichi in the shower to get him up. Laughing, I set down plates and doled out the food just in time to have a grumbling Ryuichi and practically bouncing Tohma come out to the table. Tohma had redressed, but Ryuichi had just slipped into his pants.

Coffee was poured and we all sat down eating in silence for a few moments. My house had returned to its normal state of chaos, everything from… from before was gone. All the baby things, I had packed carefully away in a spare room. I didn't have the heart to donate them. Ryuichi pushed away his picked at plate with a groan and contorted look on his face.

I snorted, sliding the plate over to mine. Lightweights.

Tohma finished, still looking as happy as ever.

When I finished, I got up and smiled at them. "You guys get to clean up here, while I take a shower."

And before they could argue, I was already shutting the door to my bedroom, collecting clothes for me to wear once I had finished. Locking the bathroom door, I turned on the shower, thankful they had left me with enough hot water to clean and relax.

Closing my eyes as I surrounded myself with the hot water, I choose to ignore the sounds of clattering coming from the kitchen. I smiled, recalling last night's events.

"Nittle Grasper," I murmured, tilting my head back under the hot spray.

The more I thought on it, the more I liked it. It seemed like it would stick out in your mind. 'Grasp' you, so to speak.

A loud rap on the door took me out of my thoughts.

"Nori!" Ryuichi excited voice floated through. "Nori hurry!"

"If you gotta pee, you can wait!"

"Nooo," he practically whined. "Tohma's on the phone! Tohma's on the phone!"

I quickly got out, turning off the shower, wrapping a towel around my dripping frame as I left the steamy bathroom in a hurry. I saw the back of Tohma's head nodding as he sat on the couch. I leaned up against the back of the sofa, one hand clutching the top of the towel as I smiled down at him. He glanced up briefly, eyes widening for a moment before speaking into the phone again.

"Yes, tomorrow will do fine," he responded.

A few minutes more of talking and he hung up.

"So?" I asked, grinning.

He averted his eyes from me before answering. "Tomorrow at ten we'll be going down to the Shinji Productions building, presenting our demo and hopefully, get a call back."

"Awsome!"

"You should… probably get dressed now, Noriko."

Oh, I'd forgotten completely I was still in a towel that barely covered what needed to be covered.

"Whoops! Be back in a sec," I laughed as I went back in the bathroom, coming out a little late, dressed in hip hugging jeans and a t-shirt, hair dried and done up in pigtails.

"So, tomorrow at ten then?" I asked, watching the two of them, smiling.

"Yes, I'll have my driver come by for you at nine," Tohma said, turning on the couch to face me.

I made a face. "Nine! I'm surprised I was up at this time today!"

"Well, I have to pick up Ryuichi even earlier than that because he sleeps like a log," Tohma explained. "So you're getting the better deal."

I lifted an eyebrow. Yeah, right.

"Alright… just don't yell at me when someone gets hit while trying to wake me."

They laughed and collected their clothes, saying good-bye with a promise to see me in the morning. After they left, I went about cleaning up, doing my usual schedule. Top priority:

Wash the sheets.

_Did you like it! I like how I'm writing more for Ryuichi as well as Tohma. I personally, am I Tohma fanatic! I can't get enough of him! Powerful, soft-spoken... drool worthy indeed. The Nori in me keeps raging for Ryuichi though... go figure. Personally, I couldn't stand him in the series. I'm not a fan of people who don't act their age. _

Even though I act 7 a lot of times... eh-heh...

Review guys!

_SL_


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimer: I own nothing! And what I do own is being packed away in many, many boxes... _

Author's Notes: I TOOK A DAY OFF! YAY! I would've updated yesterday, but I decided to take a well deserved break. I was beat when I came home, but I felt so guilty, I worked the whole night through. It's six in the morning now and I just finished. ALL FOR YOU GUYS!

Feel special. I do this after recieving THAT many reviews? Lucky bastards...  
**_  
Noriko's Story_**

_The darkest days seem to be right around the corner. Not because of my age. I've actually aged pretty gracefully. Gods… here I am talking like I'm already sixty. I feel like I am some days. Like I want to get up and just go 'I've lived long enough, let someone else take over'. _

We're at a tense time.

We've been broken up once before… it was the worst time for me. Because then, I actually had to live my life. Reality is a bitch, plain and simple. I stuck those years out with Tohma, and we were never more depressed then during that first break-up. We still smiled, we still went out every now and then… and on a rare occasion, we played together, but it wasn't the same.

I'm getting that same feeling again.

That over hanging, dark, I'm going to drown again feeling. Whenever it involves Ryuichi, I feel like I'm drowning. I nearly drowned at the Battle… somehow, like always, we pulled out of the whirlpool that was slowly taking us downward.

Maybe…

Maybe this time, I want to drown…

**_Tomorrow And Forever After_**

Light.

Cursed, cursed, burning light.

I could see it from behind my still closed eyelids, and it was a terrible sign. It meant I was waking up, and that wasn't right. From where the window in my room is, by the time I usually start waking up, it's dimmer, lower on my face, not directly in my eyes.

It was then that I could smell coffee and felt someone wrap their arms around me…

What the fuck was going on!

They were holding me from behind and I felt my breath start to come in shallow as I opened my eyes cautiously. I felt the person behind me shift, and I could hear the lips pull back in a smirk as they brushed against the shell of my ear.

"Your heart's pounding, Nori," he murmured and I wanted to scream.

"Ryuichi," I exhaled, relaxing immediately, eyes closing again.

"C'mon, up time!" he said, nudging me.

"Die…"

He giggled and scampered off, back into the kitchen I suppose. Then it hit me.

Ryuichi was alone. In my kitchen.

Warning bells went off and I all but leapt out of my bed, rushing into the kitchen. I didn't think Ryuichi would be one who was capable around… knives… and flames…

Standing at the kitchen doorway, I saw Tohma was the one in the kitchen, working around Ryuichi who was bouncing about. I sighed and leaned against the doorframe, eyes closed.

"Good morning, Nor... iko…," Tohma's voice trailed off.

Groaning, I lifted my head off the frame and smiled at him. "Morning. I hate that word."

I grabbed my cigarettes from the living room, lighting one up as I leaned against the doorframe again. "I thought Ryu was working around the kitchen, alone."

Ryuichi turned from the sink, making a face at me before staring and quickly turning back around. Tohma had focused his attention on retrieving mugs from the cabinet. I was bringing the cigarette back up to my lips when the silence hit me. It was awkward and making me wonder what was going on.

"I'm… going to hit the shower now…," I told them warily, walking off.

Putting out the cigarette in an ashtray in my room, I collected my things and went into the bathroom, setting them down. I ran the water, and slipped out of… of…

Fuck. I forgot I wasn't wearing pants…

That meant… that they…

THAT'S why they were acting funny. I paused as I turned the shower head on. Was seeing panties really a big deal? Well… Tohma was proper… very, very proper. And Ryuichi was just odd. I shrugged off my embarrassment, trying to laugh at it as I went through my daily routine.

They'd get used to it eventually.

I came out not long after, black slacks, low heels and a nicely pressed dress shirt. Light make-up applied so that I looked presentable. Hell, you're meeting someone who may change your life, you should always dress presentable.

Tohma and Ryuichi were sitting at the table, drinking coffee (though I doubted Ryu needed it…) and Ryuichi had candy. Tohma really needed to stop that. Ryuichi was hyper enough without the sugar and caffeine additives.

"C'mon guys, finish up," I told them, glancing at the clock. A little past nine thirty.

"You're not going to have anything?" Tohma asked.

I grabbed up my cigarettes and lit one up, wiggling it at them. "Breakfast." I laughed. "I can't stomach food this early in the morning, maybe some juice."

We headed out and Tohma's car was waiting. You couldn't help but be impressed. Tohma was chauffeured everywhere. The driver held open the door as we all slipped into the back, nervously awaiting our date with Fate.

We were punctual, waiting tensely in the immense lobby to be called up. I was sitting in a straight-backed, barely padded seat, fiddling with the demo CD in my lap, practically gnawing on the inside of my lip, both legs bouncing impatiently.

"Seguchi-san?"

Tohma looked up at the woman behind the rounded desk in the middle of the lobby.

"Kurosawa-san is ready to see you now."

I broke out into a smile of relief, glad to be out of that chair and moving. Ryuichi was bounding excitedly over to the elevators, Tohma following us calmly. The elevator felt like it took forever, me leaning against a reflective metal wall, arms crossed, tapping the demo on my side and Tohma trying to ward off Ryuichi's… propositions about elevators. Finally, finally the little chime rang out and we all snapped to attention, watching as the doors whispered open. We were faced with a long, quiet corridor, but we knew the one just to the left was Kurosawa's office. Tohma knocked lightly, waiting for the muffled 'come in!' and we entered.

The office felt closed in, although it was quite large. But there was only one window, the one behind Kurosawa's desk, and it wasn't very large. The plain white walls gave off an unfinished feeling, and the sparse furniture made me think that he'd put the chairs in there as an afterthought. All work and no play…

Kurosawa smiled, and I could finally get a good look at him this time around, sober, awake and in good lighting. He was of average height, perhaps half a head taller than Tohma. Broad shoulders accented by the neatly tailored suit, slim waist, dark brushed back hair, a slightly ruddy face and what seemed to be constantly smiling eyes.

He rose from his chair as we walked over, shutting the door quietly behind us. He shook all of our hands this time and offered us seats, taking his after we took ours. Hands folded atop the simple desk, he looked at us in silence for a moment before speaking.

"I have to say, if this demo passes with the boss… you're in, hands down."

Well… at least he was confidant.

"I'm sure your boss will be quite pleased," Tohma said evenly, a smile evident.

Kurosawa gave a light laugh. "A good attitude to have. So, may I be the first to hear it?"

Smiling, I handed over the CD, the thin plastic case had the words 'Nittle Grasper' scribbled across it in black marker. It was more for me than for him. If it had somehow gotten lost, I would've been able to find it better.

"Your group name?" He asked curiously, looking at the CD.

All three of us glanced at one another, Tohma and Ryuichi smiling politely, but their eyes were laughing loudly as I blushed, trying to ignore that night out.

"Yes, that's our name," Tohma said, laughter coating his words, and yet, he didn't laugh at all.

How did he DO that!

Well, whatever, not the point. Kurosawa got up from the desk, opening the case, removing the CD. He went over to one side of the room, popping it into a basic stereo system, hitting play. It was amusing to watch as he had to turn the volume up to hear the soft playing, then violently turn it back down as Ryuichi's powerful voice belted out the lyrics from nowhere. He was visibly excited after the first song, grinning wildly. Shutting it off, he turned to face us.

"Alright, I have to go by procedure, although I have to tell you, if my boss could hear this right this second, you guys'd be signed in a heartbeat."

One could only hope.

We talked a little more (more like Tohma and Kurosawa talked. Ryuichi and I were to busy having a sideways staring contest.) about what the contract might entail, how the set up for getting us promoted would go, managers, signings, tours, the whole deal. Another shake of the hand, a few more encouraging words and we were back out the door.

"I'm going back to bed," I groaned, getting into the waiting car.

Ryuichi followed. "I think I am too…"

"I'm up far earlier than this, and after that, you guys want to sleep?" Tohma asked, almost shocked.

"I have no idea what you two were talking about… All I know is, he liked our music," I shrugged, yawning.

Tohma shook his head and we went back to my place, where I fell into my bed, clothes and all, curling up in the unmade nest of blankets I had left. Ryuichi joined me, which I guess I would have to get used to eventually. (Although it's not every day the gay man you fell in love with is in your bed, cuddling you.) And Tohma stared at us in disbelief from the doorway.

I lifted my head. "Whose number did we give him to call?"

"Yours."

Wonderful. Kurosawa seemed to be the type to call at one in the morning to tell you how much his boss would love your newest song. I let my head fall back, eyes closing.

"C'mon, Tohma. You've got nothing better to do, a nap won't kill you," I said around a yawn.

Ryuichi bugged him until I felt the bed shift ever so slightly and saw Tohma snuggled up against Ryuichi. I smiled with a small hum, drifting off, praying to any Higher Power there was, to let them please keep their pants on.

I awoke later to darkness and an empty bed. For a moment, I actually wondered if all of it had been a vivid dream. A quick glance at my clothes said no, but I couldn't go by just that. I shuffled out of my room, the house eerily quiet compared to earlier when everyone had been bustling about. I missed Tohma and Ryuichi so much at that moment. I pulled open the fridge, goose bumps rising at the sudden exposure to the chill and as I placed the juice on the table, I found a note.

I couldn't help but smile. None of it was a dream. It was from Tohma, telling me that Kurosawa had called to tell us, once again, how much he enjoyed our CD after listening through the whole thing, and had made sure to send it along to his boss ASAP.

A tense, eventless week followed and I couldn't help but feel like we had failed somehow. We were all at my house, watching TV. It was just a do nothing night. Too bored to go out and do anything, but too restless to focus on TV. They wound up spending the night (they both practically lived here now, their spare clothes had their own drawers and closet space. Extra toothbrushes and other toiletries littered my bathroom. Not too mention the extra dirty dishes…) and in the morning, after coming back in from going out to breakfast, (Yes, Tohma had woken us up to make us go out for breakfast.) there was a message on my machine.

I hit 'play' and Kurosawa's voice poured out.

"Great news! The boss loves you guys and wants you right away! You have to call back to schedule another meeting, so as soon as you get this call my line. Leave a message if I'm out, I'll call back ASAP."

We stared at each other before I picked up the phone, handing it to Tohma. He accepted it, dialing and waiting for someone to pick up. In the mean time, I slipped back onto the couch, laying down as I drifted in and out of consciousness, Ryuichi somewhere in the house.

"You're worse than me, you know that, Seaweed?"

I let my eyes open slowly and saw Ryuichi peering down at me. "Wha…"

"Even I can be up and stay up before noon sometimes."

"Good for you," I told him, letting my eyes shut again.

"Next week at eleven. It's going to be a lunch meeting," Tohma said, prodding my leg with the short plastic antenna of the cordless phone.

"Wonderful. Now all of you get out of my damn house," I said grumpily, turning on my side to avoid more poking.

"But, Nori," Ryuichi whimpered. "Don't you love us anymore?"

Oh Gods… if he was going to cry…

"Shh, Ryuichi," I heard Tohma coo. "She's just playing."

Fuck. I made him cry.

Sitting up, I turned to look at Ryuichi who was smiling happily at me. "Yay! Nori's up!"

I looked at Tohma who was trying to hide a smile.

"You guys just suck."

Oooh, bad choice of words.

"We know," they joked in unison.

I groaned as if in pain and flopped back down. The broke out into a small fit of laughter and I smiled. They were so… them.

The week didn't seem to go by fast enough, but suddenly all too soon it was time for the meeting. We did the same routine (although I remembered pants this time around…) and went off to meet Kurosawa and his boss, Kazuki, at a fairly nice restaurant near-by. They were already there and waiting, Kurosawa chattering to his boss, who looked positively bored, trying to seem interested, but he looked like he just wanted to turn to Kurosawa and go 'shut up'.

A man after my own heart…

As we walked over, we did the handshake thing again and sat, ordering lunch, making small talk until we let Tohma take over and handle the business.

Kazuki, a man who looked to be in his late forties, was plump and squat, the jaw squared, but wrinkles filled out smooth with gluttony, hands looking like they'd never seen a day's worth of hard work. He had crow's feet around his eyes, but it didn't give them a feeling of continual smiling. His graying hair was a rug, I swear it, and his moustache quivered before every sentence.

Tohma discussed what we would want and need, Kazuki listening, interrupting, offering or denying was unknown to me. Kurosawa continually popped in with some random remark which made Kazuki's moustache jerk violently at being interrupted.

He was a fun man to watch.

I was able to sit politely, but I could tell Ryuichi was fighting off giggles and eventually had to stare down at his plate for fear of bursting out in a fit of laughter. In the end, we got the deal. Contracts would be drawn up immediately and we would receive the call once they were ready for us to sign. Kurosawa congratulated us heartily, boasting about how right he had been. Smile and nod, smile and nod…

As we stepped out of the restaurant, parting ways with our soon to be boss, we couldn't help the grins on our faces. Slipping into the car and all the way back to my house, we couldn't stop smiling. It was too perfect, too… fitting. And for a long time after that, I had faith in Fate again.

We were going to stay together.

_I have no idea how the record business works, man... I was just bullshitting this whole thing, okay? No one tell me how improbable it is. Cause, in reality... uh, I don't care. Not a music fan really. Never cared how the business worked, why it's there, although I DO wanna know, how high you have to be, to let the fucking BACKSTREET BOYS MAKE ANOTHER FUCKING CD! _

Dude... aren't they, like... 45 now? I find it just a bit weird, that full grown MEN can sing like GIRLS. Alright? OK? We clear? Good.

Sorry... SL is cranky when she has no cigs or sleep... mm... or food for that matter. Fuck, I forgot to eat. sigh Sleep first then eat. Bah...

So, I'm BEGGING you guys to review for me... please, let me know that my work and all-nighters are apprecieated, worth it... please. In all honesty, it does mean a lot sometimes to come one and find... even just ONE new review, y'know? Just a 'good job!' or something like that... Cause, for all I know, this is a pointless waste of my life. AND NO ONE WILL TELL ME! WAAAAAHHHHH!

Oh, damn do I need a nap. My eyes feel tired, ever get that? Your eyes just feel gritty and heavy and burny? Bah...

Okay, enough rambling. Um, I have no idea what the next chapter is... so... yeah. Uh... bye?


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimer: I own nothing but the poem at the end. Made it up just now. _

Author's Notes: Yeah, was fucking pissed as hell at being ditched without cause tonight, so poetry is just welling up inside of me. Honestly, that's some sucky work in this chapter, but I'm going to bust out something good tonight, I can feel it. Anger and sadness feed the inspiration for my poetry... don't ask. I'm just a sick freak like that. Anyway, have fun with this one folks.

**_Noriko's Story_**

_Friends, family… _

There's an obvious line between the two, but sometimes, that line becomes so blurred, you don't know who is what and right and wrong are decisions you have to make in just a few short moments. Trouble follows duteously, as (I suppose) it should.

My line kept blurring. Were they close friends, or had they become family? Would that mean I was lusting after my own brother time and time again? Committing one of the vilest sins known to man, laying down in a bed of incestuous lies… and loving every second?

Humans are hurtful, selfish creatures, and I am no exception. I look out for others in a subconscious attempt to gain what I want. Only looking back on those moments, can I find my hidden cause. And I find it to be a sad day indeed when that realization comes to me again and again. The small cycle, that chain reaction of using each other, working towards our own petty goals.

Jealousy is an all too human trait. Cursed are those who let it rule their lives. 'Protecting' what is 'their's' selfishly knowing they own nothing. Truly, they protect what is in their hearts. Their wishes and wants and hidden, unspeakable desires, only to find that they are a pawn to another, and that person is a pawn to another.

And the cycle goes on.

**_Bound To Heartless Promises_**

We signed the deal with Shinji Productions, Kazuki had assigned Kurosawa as our manager. (Lucky us.) We were going to begin work soon, and Ryuichi was going all out on lyrics, while Tohma and I tried our hand at actually pre-recording music. It wasn't as fun, but it got the job done.

Tohma had told his father of his plans, forgoing college, although I didn't know if he had announced anything about Ryuichi. I doubted it from the one day we finally met the rarely talked about, but ever present known of fiancée. Apparently, someone had told her where to find Tohma, who, along with Ryuichi, had basically started taking up residence with me. They were just starting to wake me up so we could get right back on working on the melody we had created last night, when a knock sounded.

No one ever visited me and people rarely came around asking for Tohma or Ryuichi.

The polite thing was to let me get the door, and after much prodding and groaning, I was up. I never really cared about how I looked in the mornings, disheveled hair, half-lidded eyes, slouched unpleasant posture. So maybe, to her, it must've been a shock. I opened the door, rubbing my eyes as I looked at her.

"Hello… is, Seguchi-san here?"

A throaty voice, some how strained, as if trying to be polite. Yawning, I opened my eyes to look at the owner of the voice. She was around my height, soft features, high rounded cheeks, a sharp, dainty nose, long, loose dark brown hair. One couldn't deny she was almost stunning. I had to blink, realizing I was being rude, trying to remember the question.

Tohma, that was it. "Uh, yes he is… would you like to come in?"

I stepped aside and held the door open, a sliver of fear slipping into the pit of my stomach, steadily branching out and claiming the rest of my innards in a deep freeze of terror. Could this walking china doll be Tohma's fiancée? Oh, and Ryuichi was home too… something was going to happen.

She entered, slipping off her shoes at the door next to mine and Tohma's, Ryuichi's scattered somewhere else in the house, and kept her head slightly bowed as she thanked me quietly.

"Have a seat while I get him, I think he's just practicing," I told her with a twitchy smile.

Yeah. Practicing on Ryuichi.

I bolted back to my bedroom where they were almost going to remove each other's pants. I'd grown used to these little walk-in's and paid it no mind as I cleared my throat.

Tohma stopped and Ryuichi huffed impatiently. I had just gotten out of that bed! Couldn't they wait? Well… maybe it was time to clear out the extra room and set it up for them. I had to part with those unused things eventually.

"A young woman to see you, Seguchi-san," I drawled sarcastically.

They had waken me up to get the door, use my bed and now I had to announce his guest.

I hated Mondays.

He smiled, thanking me and I tossed him a glare, pulling Ryuichi out of my room and stuffing him into the bathroom.

"Stay put for a second, put on shirt, and when you do, you can come out," I told him.

He made a face, whining at my orders, but didn't argue as he took his shirt out of my hands. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, ran a comb through my hair and pulled it back, thinking I was far more presentable. When I left the bathroom with Ryuichi, Tohma was already dressed and in the living room, offering to make tea.

"I'm sorry I was rude before," I apologized, smiling at the woman. "But I'm Noriko."

She smiled back up at me, looking less… forced, if that sounds right. "Not everyone is a morning person. I'm Uesugi Mika… Seguchi-san's fiancée."

I heard a door slam from the hallway and Tohma and I exchanged strained looks. Ryuichi was going to be hard to please after this. There would most likely be hell to pay, but we didn't want to throw off our guest.

"Uesugi-san, I'll leave you two alone for a moment, while I change," I smiled at them, walking off towards my bedroom.

I heard their pleasant chatter until I shut the door behind me, finding a sullen Ryuichi on my bed. Great. No tears meant he was high… and very angry. Sighing, I started peeling off my pajamas and dressing. There was little to no privacy around here anymore to begin with, and modesty? Right out the window. I was slipping a shirt on when Ryuichi spoke.

"What's the little slut's name?"

I paused slightly, popping out my head before answering. "She's no slut, and her name is Uesugi Mika."

I didn't like that attitude towards someone he didn't ever know. Personally, I didn't like his attitude when high at all.

"She's a slut cause she's taking MY Tohma!" he nearly yelled, a pillow missing my head by an inch.

"He's still yours," I insisted, though we've been through this so many times, it was beyond useless. "He just has to get married."

No answer, another sigh from myself and I walk back out to the living room fully dressed and smiling. Someone had made tea and Tohma and Mika were talking easily. I took a seat next to Mika on the couch, fully prepared to make an effort and befriending the woman. In all honesty, I was excited at the prospect of having a female friend. Ryuichi and Tohma were fine companions, but every now and then, I wanted the girlfriend to chat with and understand me. And no matter how gay you were, you still weren't female, so try as those two might, it would never be the same.

"So, Uesugi-san," I said pleasantly. "Tell me how you and Tohma came about this arrangement."

"Mika, please," she told me smoothly. Her dark eyes flowed over Tohma quickly before returning to me. "Well, my father, a monk, felt that Seguchi-san would be a perfect husband for me. We also knew his family fairly well, and Seguchi-san's parents wanted a suitable wife for him. So, over time after it was decided, we became fast friends and I feel this marriage will go off smoothly."

Tohma's eyes smiled over the rim of a cup as I looked at him. "Tohma… does she… know?"

Her eyes narrowed for a moment, and I literally could feel daggers. And they were directed at me! What had I done?

"Mika-san knows full well about my preference," he answered calmly, and suddenly, just like that, the daggers were gone.

"Ah," I said awkwardly, one hand rubbing my arm lightly.

So then, why the dirty look?

"Well, I should go check on, Ryuichi," Tohma said abruptly, getting up. "You two chat for a bit. Mika-san has two brothers and just her father, so I'm sure some 'girl talk' is in order."

And with that he was off down the hallway, leaving me speechless. Well… this was… odd.

"So, if you know about Tohma… why are you going to marry him?" I asked bluntly, cursing my mouth.

She kept her lips pinched, as if trying to hold back laughter. "Well, it would just cause trouble for both of us if we didn't do this. I do love him, and that's why I respect his choice."

Ah, the proper Japanese way of life. It was days like this I was SO glad not to be near enough to my parents to ever let them discuss marriage.

"What was with the death glare before?"

This time, a small quiet stole over her as she looked me over again. "Well… when I saw you at the door… you, looked as though you… and then when you asked Tohma if I knew…" she said in fragments, but I was able to get the idea.

It was my turn to hold back laughter. "You thought Tohma and I had something going on."

She nodded, as if trying to keep her cool on it, though I assumed she was probably embarrassed.

"Nothing between us at all. He just lives here," I shrugged, smiling.

"Do you like him at all?"

Oooh… toughie. If I did say I still had a crush on the blonde, she might not like me so much anymore. But if I didn't, then I would be lying. I hated lying. Especially to people I just met.

A slightly mixed answer. "Well, I like his eyes, beautiful color. And his hands."

It took her a moment to seem convinced, but she accepted it. And it wasn't a complete lie. Those were the things that attracted me to Tohma, now his personality played a large role, though what she didn't know may not hurt her. We talked a little more about her family, what Tohma's family was like, my family (very, VERY briefly) and a list of other things.

By the time Tohma came out with a sulking Ryuichi, I had made a new friend.

"Mika, this is Ryuichi," I told her and she smiled over at him.

Tohma jabbed him in the side with and elbow and he tried to smile. "Hello Uesugi-san."

"You can call me Mika. I know so much about you already," she told him pleasantly.

After a few minutes of forced conversation, Mika revealed the reason for her visit. They had to start scheduling a day for them to be married. Tohma sighed, leaning back into the couch before answering.

"Well… I don't want to keep everyone waiting, but we've just started something amazingly big here. To be married now would hinder an opportunity we might get," he explained.

She looked neither happy nor sad with that small smile on her face. "I see. So, I'm assuming we shall be meeting again soon to discuss this topic again."

Tohma smiled an nodded at her. "If your father asks why, tell him it's because I want to be financially stable for you with my own money, not my father's. He should respect that answer."

She laughed this time and got up from her seat, as did Tohma and I. Ryuichi stayed in his, glaring at the wall. We walked her to the door and Tohma kissed her on the cheek. She blushed, smiling.

"Feel free to drop by anytime," I told her. "Even if they aren't around."

"Of course," Mika told me, and she left to go back to Kyoto, where she told me her family temple resided in.

"She's nice," I said lightly, smiling at Tohma.

"I'm glad to have her to marry instead of a demanding wife who would've made me drop everything to get married," he sighed, looking over his shoulder at Ryuichi.

He would just have to learn to live with it. There was no way Mika was getting out of the picture, and I highly doubted Ryuichi would leave either. Tohma, though, didn't seem to be worried at all. I envy him for his level headedness.

"So!" I exclaimed, breaking the tense silence. "Who's up for a day off?"

Ah, but it didn't matter how much fun we had, the mental image of Mika and what she and Tohma were to become one day was burned into Ryuichi's mind, unable to wipe it away.

Promises, promises broken apart,  
Feelings of Truth, born in heart.  
Abound is the knowledge of which you part,  
Knowing, in the end, you're back at the start.

The Heart wants what it wants,  
As do I.  
But duty over Soul,  
That is my lie.

Keep up your smile, Soulless and cold,  
Leaving the Tears to grow still and old.  
Your Heart is left to wither and blacken,  
Only the smile left in the ashes.

And my heartache was for both of them, knowing what they wanted never could be, and it all came in the smile of one porcelain woman, unknowing and trusting. But truth is bitter, and soon she would know its taste, unstoppable by Fate.

_I hate rhyming... makes poetry seem infantile. I have never, NEVER done work where every, single, last word rhymed. Sometimes, I've seen it done well... but I dunno about this one guys... _

And the middle and end are nothing like the beginning!

What the fuck am I thinking?

I guess, maybe, I was going for a little Chant Rede thingymajigger. Wiccan's will understand i guess. I dunno... maybe I just need sleep.

Alright, next chapter to start construction later today when I wake up.

SL


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimer: Do we have to do this EVERY time! _

Author's Notes: YAY! Ahead of schedule! Good for everyone! The title makes no sense when I reread it, but whatever. Enjoy!

**_Noriko's Story  
_**  
_It's hard to pinpoint a specific time in your life where something changes so completely, nothing can ever go back to being the same. Suddenly, after the unknown change, you become reminiscent on things that aren't truly from long ago. _

We, as humans, want the world. We want the total control, the security in knowing nothing bad will ever happen to us. And, it's through control do we ascertain this feeling of protection. We don't accept change easily. I guess, to some degree, some of us do take it well. They can smile and encourage through it, but on the inside the rage about with fear that their ways are going to alter.

Change is ever-present. It is the flow of the world. I hate it. There are days when I wish we didn't get so big, to days when I wish we had never met. And guilt for these thoughts soon follows, proving again how weak I am. I don't have the strength to walk away, no matter how much I want to some days. I don't have the strength to say 'stop!' and walk out the door. But I want that strength. I need it.

Because I am nothing but trouble.

**_I'm Moving Out_**

We made a CD over the course of time, and were promoted heavily before its release to the public. TV shows, radio talks, commercials… then, finally: Concerts.

We were the opening act for a lot of bigger bands, but we had too much fun with it to care about the odd looks and random boo's we received at first. Once we started playing, they had shut up immediately. Looks of curiosity turned to ones of awe, boo's and taunts turned to cheers and screams. Our name was heard more often at a concert, than the headlining band. And we loved every single second of it. We had control over where we were going, what to do next and we were always having fun with it.

Our CD sold off quickly and it was only a matter of time until we would make another and start a tour. Kazuki was more than pleased with our efforts… if that's what you had to call it. It didn't even feel like work! It was fun! We were getting paid to have fun and dress up. But, we wanted something more than my little place. We wanted to get out and start living like the stereotype said we should.

That, and everyone from school kept coming around. So it was kind of a must that we moved.

So, we began searching in our spare time. I wasn't as enthusiastic about this. Ryuichi and Tohma were looking for a place together, and I didn't want to impose. Once again, I was on my own. Tohma found something suitable to his expensive tastes. When he first showed me, I was a little thrown off. It had three rooms. Two would've been suitable. One for them, another for a guest.

"Incase anyone visits, it has to look like Ryuichi and I don't sleep together," the blonde explained quietly.

Ryuichi was just beaming though, and I wondered if Tohma had explained that to our singer. His childish glee made me think he was pleasantly unaware of it, but with Ryuichi, one learned to read between the smiles.

I got myself a small place close to Tohma and Ryuichi, my parents already knowing what I was doing. It was hard not to know when our faces were everywhere. It was a very cold, clipped conversation and I was glad to hang up the phone after that.

We packed up and headed out and I had modest tastes, so I was perfectly comfortable in the small place I had and a little intimidated by the larger place Tohma had purchased. But, if we were all happy, then there was no real reason to complain. Although, I wasn't exactly at my place too often. I spent as much time with Tohma and Ryuichi as I could. So this time around, my stuff was at their place, and I was the constant guest.

Then, it was decided: We were going on tour!

This was the big moment, we were going to tour, what seemed to be, all of Japan. I was so excited, you could've mistaken me for Ryuichi on a good day. We decided to have a party in honor of our leaving tomorrow. Us three (of course) and Mika and her brother, Eiri. Nothing big or fancy, just friends enjoying one last night with others.

I went to Tohma's after going back to the bar. I wanted to thank them again, and tell them our good news! They were all so happy, and I couldn't help but feel a little silly signing autographs. I still felt like me, not some pop star. Kenichi sent me off with a bottle of rum, which I knew Tohma would love. I presented it laughingly to the blonde and told him about my excursion. He regretted not being able to join me, but he wanted to make sure Ryuichi would be okay.

We were futzing around for a bit when Mika arrived with a slight, blonde eleven-year-old. Apparently this was Mika's little, but not youngest brother, Eiri. I wasn't shocked so much by the blonde hair (I DID know Tohma after all) than by his eyes. Such an odd gold color. A warm honey color. The kind of color you'd get when taking a jar of honey and held it to a window, letting the light filter though it.

"Mika-san, Eiri-kun, how are you?" Tohma asked, smiling as he let then in, leading them into the living room.

Ryuichi was sitting on the couch, legs crossed, one leg jiggling slightly, arms crossed. He was smiling, but his eyes were hard. I gave Mika a hug and Eiri a small wave.

"Hi! I'm Noriko," I introduced, smiling down at the little blonde.

He blinked up at me with big eyes, blushing slightly as he greeted me, smiling.

"So, are you excited about starting the tour?" Mika asked me, taking a seat.

I poured out drinks for everyone, taking one myself, smiling at everyone, trying to ignore the evil vibes coming off of Ryuichi. They only intensified when Tohma sat next to Mika and again when she spoke.

Oh, scary.

"You have no idea! I've always wanted to do this," I told her, laughing  
slightly.

"Yes, Nori-chan only excelled in music," Tohma said, smiling wider.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I could argue, but then I'd be lying."

Mika chuckled, hand resting on Tohma's arm, distracting him from the pouting singer.

"So, Eiri-kun, what do you like?" I asked the child, trying not to sound like an adult talking down to a child.

I always hated that as a kid. Annoyed the living shit outta me.

"Reading… writing," he said in a little chirp.

"What kind of books?"

I'd never been much of a reader myself. If a title caught my eye, I'd pick it up, but other than that… yeah, no. And that's how the night progressed, Ryuichi grunting out answers to questions when asked, but sitting there glaring mostly. Then, he had gotten up, excusing himself to the bathroom.

Pleasantly buzzed, I waved him off. "Don't fall in!"

To which he flipped me off, unseen by everyone else. Not until Ryuichi came out, face blank, but surprisingly calm, a full ten minutes later, did I start to worry. With a little sniffle and a push of his hand at his nose, he sat next to me, an arm draped over my shoulders. I couldn't help but tense up and blush as I tried to carry on conversation. Tohma frowned ever so slightly at us and nodded as Mika asked him something.

"Let's play a game," Ryuichi said smoothly, overriding any other conversation.

Oh… well, that sounded… friendly of him, actually.

"What did you have in mind?" Tohma asked, leaning back. He looked wary of the singer's plans.

"We'll play 'I Never'," he told us with a fleeting smile.

I never… I never… I never what?

"What game is that?" I asked him, lost. Mika didn't look any more familiar with it than I, and Eiri was nodding off near Tohma. Oo, must be late.

Ryuichi chuckled and leaned back, almost mimicking Tohma. "This is how you play: Everyone has a drink. Someone goes 'I never' and say something they've never done before. Anyone who's done it takes a drink."

Oh, simple. Got it.

Taking up a bottle, I refreshed everyone's glass and waited patiently.

"Who goes first?" I asked, feeling a nervous twitch in my gut.

I just realized how many secrets Ryuichi knew about me. This was a damn good way to get someone back.

"I will," Ryuichi piped up immediately.

"I don't think-" Ryuichi cut Tohma off.

"I never… lied about my boyfriend," he said calmly.

Tohma and I took a drink. Everyone lied just a smidge… right?

Well, I was closest, so I guessed I was next. "I ne-"

"I never lied TO my boyfriend," Ryuichi said, cutting me off, eyes fixed on Tohma.

Mika was silent as she watched Tohma and I drink again.

Ryuichi could be commanding when need be. It was like he had a switch. He flicked it alright.

"I never engaged myself to a slut."

Everyone froze. No one even twitched.

"And whom might you be referring to, Ryuichi?" Tohma asked, voice strained.

"Oh, no one. It is just a game after all," he smirked haughtily.

"A game we've played long enough," Tohma said firmly, placing his cup down.

"I never went through with something because I was scared to be myself," Ryuichi went on, a fevered look in his eyes. "I never wanted to live a lie. I never did anything so hurtful to the one I loved!"

Mika rose silently from her seat, nudging Eiri awake. They were leaving, seeing as they were unwelcome. Obviously.

"And I never hated you more for going to marry that fucking slut!"

Mika apparently snapped then, from being talked about like she wasn't there, or continuously being called a slut, I didn't know. But it was scary seeing her like that. It made me make a mental note to never get her pissed off. Scary.

She straighten up, glaring at the singer, hair falling over one shoulder. "Listen here, Sakuma," she snapped. "This is all well and good with 'my' this and 'my' that. But you can't own people!"

Cat fight! She was mad because she felt Ryuichi was stepping in on her man! I really had to stop watching daytime television… It was starting to rot my brain.

"I can too!" he cried out, looking scandalized. "And I do! He. Is. Mine!"

Mike rolled her eyes. "You just can't own someone, it's not right!"

Eiri stirred, waking up slowly, blinking at the raised voices.

"Stupid bint, what would you know!" Ryuichi yelled angrily, stepping forward.

Oh no… this had better not get physical.

"More than a five-year-old in a twenty something year old's body!"

And then there was a resounding smack. Bare flesh hitting bare flesh. The sound was unmistakable.

Ryuichi struck Mika.

A pressing silence closed in tight, and Mika said not another word as she turned towards the direction her head had been smacked in, motioning for Eiri to follow. Tohma's mouth was open slightly in shock, and my body had melted into the couch. How could he have done that?

The Uesugi's left silently and the three of us were left in the suffocating quiet.

"Get out," Tohma said softly, getting up from the couch, walking to their room and shutting the door.

Ryuichi burst into silent tears. Tears of remorse or pain, I didn't know. I got up, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, leading him towards the door.

"Give him a day," I murmured softly into his ear. "He just needs to think."

My words seemingly went wasted on his choked sobs, and I helped him grab some things, leaving a note for Tohma, telling him I was taking Ryuichi to my place so he could think. He had our numbers if he needed us. I walked him to my place, I was in no state to drive, and helped him into the extra bedroom, settling him in. He croaked for his bunny, and I handed it to him, remembering to grab it before we left. He cuddled to his chest quietly and I took that as my sign to go.

Slipping into my room, I changed and tucked myself in, wondering about what tomorrow would bring. Tomorrow was our last free day before we left. And it would be spent with all of use packing things we would bring. We were going to be stuck.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't even realize Ryuichi had slipped into bed with me until I rolled over, nearly screaming. Why does he insist on doing that to me!

"You okay, Bunny Boy?" I asked him. Why I was whispering, I didn't know.

"No… I just want him back," he whispered, voice trembling.

I sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You never left him, and he never left you, this is just a little bump in the road for you two."

But was Ryuichi willing to fix it?

"He is leaving me! For that… for her," he stopped himself.

"Sleep now, think on it tomorrow," I told him, snuggling into him to sleep.

I received silence and assumed he was done talking for the time being. Everything would be better come the morning.

I hoped.

_Good, bad? No one tells me anymore! _

Pwease review! PWEEEEAAAASE!

Bah, welp, off to do the next chapter!

SL


	14. Chapter 14

_Disclaimer: Why do I have to keep doing this!_

_Author's Notes: Hey! You guys get your very own Notes today! WOOT! Usually, I'll just repost here what I have from my other site, changing my name, but not today! Today I have a special announcement for you guys:_

**_You're officially caught up._ **

_That's right! You have every single chapter I've ever typed for this baby, so now you'll be waiting for a while for the next chapter! Don't forget to check out my other Gravi stories if you want! Also, I have a new one out **My Thoughts Of You**. Check it out, it's going to be a series of introspective ficlets from Gravi charries thinking on other Gravi charries! I'm hyper this morning... _

_READ!_

_**Noriko's Story**_

_Love._

_That's all my life seems to wrap around lately. Who loves who, who dumped who, who cheated on who, who took back who. All in the name of love. Vile, four lettered profanity that it is. It means nothing really. It's just like any other word. _

_But thoughts like that make me wonder… Do we feel these things because we have words for them, or do we have words for these things because we feel them? A confusing question, doubtful in response, its answer based on opinion alone. I have none, because what does it matter? The cycles of Fate threw me my cards; the one for Love wasn't an Ace. _

_Someone, a dear friend of mine who I've fucked over so badly tonight, once said the most interesting thing. 'I would've let myself fall in love with him.' It's my firm belief that love is not something you control. You cannot pick and choose when and where and who you are to be in love with. But she explained it to me, and while I didn't fully understand her then, I think I finally do now._

_Yay for me… it only took me a few years and some broken friendships, right?_

_But I'm tired now. I know I say it a lot. I'm tired of this, tired of that, but I never do anything. I'm tired of love though. Sick of it actually. We have these excuses and reasons for why we do what we do, how love is this mysterious, unexplainable thing. But it's not! Love is finding that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life, that's all. Love is finding that one person you can stand for longer than a week. That's all love is. It's tolerance, not Fate or some bullshit like that. Love is bullshit. Love is a lie._

'_Absence makes the heart grow fonder.'_

_Bullshit. Utter bullshit. If that person you 'love' left and didn't call, didn't write, you didn't even know if they were dead or alive, they didn't even tell you when they would come back, after a while, you'd get used to it. You be comfortable in never knowing when they'd return. And soon you go from that adage to 'Out of sight, out of mind.' Then, you start looking around, seeing everyone else… but your 'lover' isn't going to be home. What do you do?_

_What any normal human does when they finally realize this situation. When that deep down hurt that they left turns into haughty suspicion. That's what love is. A risk, a gamble, a bet. It a toss of the coin and it's up to you to control it. Keep everyone far away, use them when need be. Easy._

_I'm twenty-nine-years-old now. I'm too old for all this teenage drama. I'm too old to keep caring about love when I should just do my duty as a wife and take care of my family. Ryuichi has the papers anyway, why should I be there? I have other things to worry about._

_But… if I could get away, just leave him until all these feelings went away, only focused on the bad with a faint sense of humor and come back, able to face him and not have my heart skip a beat… my life might be so much better. If I didn't love him, everything would be better. He doesn't love me, but I knew that from the start, so that never deterred me from my true feelings. Maybe leaving him would. 'Time heals all wounds' and all that crap._

_But, I'm there because that's what I choose. Because I'm an idiot being played by the concept of love. Because I would go to Hell and back for him, no matter what. _

_Because I'm in love._

_When Angels Fall_

The next day was just a bad continuation of the other night. Suffocating silence, dreading the months ahead. We would all be stuck on a bus and in hotel rooms together. Earlier on, we had demanded not to be separated, for anything really. They granted our request, odd though it was. So at every hotel there was only one room for us.

It was going to be a long tour.

I packed up clothes for the time we would spend that didn't involve the stage, smuggled in some liquor so we could celebrate privately. I was hopeful in thinking everything would be back to normal soon. There was no way those two would let this fight interfere with out biggest shot yet. Well, Tohma wouldn't anyway.

Ryuichi and I went over to Tohma's, so Ryuichi could pack up some of his stuff. Tohma was out, Ryuichi had a key, so we went in to pack. He made sure to pack extra Kumagoro's (I never realized he had so many!) and clothes and sunglasses, his usual stuff. He packed more than I did, but I didn't make any jokes about it. He was still very, very quiet. I checked Tohma's room and saw everything in neat order, a suitcase already packed and lying on the bed. On top was a box of candy and a note. I saw it was for Ryuichi and went back to hand the items to him.

Silently he packed the box of candy, and then went to the bathroom to pack up his toiletries. I skimmed the note. It was just reminding the singer what to pack, and I guess the candy was a small apology. We would be meeting the bus at five to take us to the first destination not too far away. We'd be playing the next night, then moving on to the next place. I was beginning to fear it happening.

Ryuichi and I busied ourselves until five rolled around and Tohma still hadn't returned to his place. I gave his cell a call.

"Hello, Seguchi here," his soft voice floated through.

"Tohma, it's nearly five, where are you?"

"Waiting for you two. I thought you would be bringing Ryuichi back to my place to pack, to I decided that I'd wait and you two would join, bringing my things along," he explained.

Oh… well, that made some sense. I think.

"Um… alright," I agreed, hanging up with him.

Was he trying to avoid Ryuichi for as long as humanly possible? Well, he had no choice but to face him now. I got up from the couch, shutting off the TV.

"C'mon, Ryu. Time to go," I announced. "Take your things to my car; I'll get Tohma's stuff."

They had BOTH packed more than I had, and lugging Tohma's suitcase was no picnic. Out the door, locking it, down the hallway, in the elevator, then to the car, trying to fit it in the back somewhere. Evil manual labor. But, I made it fit with a few good kicks and slammed the door, slipping in behind the wheel, turning on the car.

It wasn't a long drive, but by no means was it a short one. The maddening silence dragged on, making the trip seem unbearable. After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived at the private transport area where the bus was waiting along with Tohma. He walked over to the car as we stepped out, removing his things with a general greeting to both of us.

Ryuichi wordlessly grabbed his things as well, following a good few feet behind the blonde. What choice did I have? I followed suit and for once, I wasn't enjoying any of this. Those two usually got into little scuffles all the time and a little cajoling could bring them out of it. This seemed so much heavier.

Well, nothing short of this was to be expected when your boyfriend smacked your fiancée.

Actually, the way I saw it, this was a far lighter punishment then I would've administered. Then again… Tohma was always a bit intimidating when it came to things like this. Too silent to be comfortable, no one knew what he was thinking… or planning for that matter.

We loaded ourselves on to the large bus that would be our home for the months to come. Huge, to me, didn't even seem to describe it. It was really everything we'd ever need… on wheels. I dropped my stuff in an area that no one would mind or have it get in their way.

We settled in, me lounging on the couch, Ryuichi reclining on one of the bunk beds and Tohma in one of the booth seats around the small table. A few minutes of silence and the driver entered, checking we were all in, and started it up. We were on our way.

Our first stop would be a day away, so we were spending the night in the bus. We were trapped. It was torture the way things were going, no one making a sound, no one daring to move. An hour passed before, finally, someone made SOME sort of noise.

"I'm sorry, yes I am, for everything that I've done. How can I do this right, without you in my life. Even though I say I love you I've gotta make a change in my life, baby, I realize that you're better off without me by your side. You're a special lady and I know I'm not ready for you, oh," Ryuichi's voice started in a slow, drawn out tone. It was so quiet on the bus, his voice seemed magnified.

Tohma and I looked towards the bed, listening intently. His voice was smooth, easy flowing. We'd never heard this song before, and I was so shocked that Ryuichi could just burst into song like that.

"I'm sorry for, what I've done. I broke your heart, now we're apart. I'm sorry for, making you cry. I broke your heart, now I'm alone. I'm by myself."

Oh, jeeze… what a jab to Tohma.

"Tell me why, why I'm made my baby cry. I know our love you would wipe, should I put you through all of these changes. Never mind all those I said cause I, didn't mean a thing. I promised you, I only want you in my life, oh," his voice rang out sharply on the last word, once again showing us exactly how powerful it was.

I could almost feel the music we could be playing to this, hearing it faintly in the back of my mind. Never before had I had an urge to sing with Ryuichi. I knew I would pale in comparison, even if only backup, but even if it was just once during play, I wanted to. And I tried to stop myself, not to ruin Ryuichi's moment, but my mouth went off before my brain could stop it.

"I'm sorry for," Ryuichi sang.

"I'm so sorry babe," I sang softly after, eyes darting to see if I interrupted.

Tohma flicked his eyes towards me, and I think he actually was surprised. Maybe I sounded better since high school.

Ryuichi continued. "What I've done…"

"Everything I've done to you, oh," I threw in, eyes closing, trying to keep feeling the music.

"I broke your heart, now we're apart," Ryuichi's voice stayed strong, but sounded like it did when he started crying. Something heavy was in his voice.

"Now we're apart and I can't deal with it." My voice sounded so much different from his.

"I'm sorry for-"

I interrupted, with another line. "Oh, tell me anything-"

He finished his verse. "Making you cry"

"I can do to get you back," I finished mine.

"I broke your heart, now I'm alone. I'm by myself. Oh, it's hurts to move on, cause you're all I knew, but I must stay strong. I can't break down no more. Sometimes I sit and dream of you and me again, oh, you have no idea, oh, of how hurt I am that I ran away," Ryuichi was singing strongly, loudly. The emotions were dripping right off the words.

"The one thing I said," I sang, raising my voice just a little.

"I'm sorry for-," he drawled, voice quieting.

"Meant the world to me, oh"

Our voice did sound pretty okay together. Mine was throaty, a little husky. I didn't know if that sounded good or not. If not, I blamed the smoking. If it did, I don't blame the smoking. But, I was just having a bit more fun now.

"What I've done. I broke your heart!" he sang out strongly, sitting up slightly on the bed, as if forcing it out.

"I'm so hurt that I did my baby wrong," I threw in, shaking my head slightly.

"Now we're apart. I'm sorry for-"

"I'm so sorry now" I sang, my voice getting stronger.

"Making you cry"

"Oh," I drawled, trailing the note off.

"I broke your heart," his voice was quiet now, almost whispering.

"How could I be"

"Now I'm alone," Ryuichi's voice exploded on the last word, dragging it out. "I'm sorry for, what I've done. I broke your heart, now we're apart."

"For ever more," I sang softly in the background.

"I'm sorry for, making you cry."

"Making my baby cry, oh!" My voice carried through until he started again. He'd paused for dramatic effect.

"I broke your heart, now I'm alone," Ryuichi sang in a low tone.

"I don't think I'm going anywhere baby," I finished with finality in my voice.

Tohma was still sitting there in silence, and I feared maybe I had ruined Ryuichi's song. But the blonde looked at me and smiled. I sighed in relief inwardly. He thought I'd been okay.

Getting up, he sat next to Ryuichi on the small bed. Tohma turned, his back now facing me, as he coaxed Ryuichi to roll back over. There was quiet sniffling and soft murmured words, and then Tohma fell off the bed onto the floor as Ryuichi pounce, throwing his arms around Tohma's neck. They fell together laughing, and I smiled as I watched.

Things were going to be exactly as they should.

"Hey… uh, guys?" I asked, laying on my stomach to lean over a poke the wriggling mass that was my friends.

Tohma popped his head up. "Yes, Nori-chan?"

"You guys should take the… more secluded beds… in the back," I said, grinning. "But, uh… keep it down, would ya?"

"I'll see what I can do, Nori-chan," Tohma laughed.

"Seaweed!" Ryuichi whined. "No fair! I can't help but scream when it's, Tohma!"

Oh dear lord… I needed to know that right?

But, at this point, I was starting to regret our 'one for all, all for one' plans we had made. In every hotel, one room, though large, one bed. Looks like I'd be calling in for a cot. Fun.

Well, the important thing was, we were back to normal, and things just weren't going to be as bad as I had thought. And suddenly, I was glad to be on tour again. It felt like relief and tiredness from the stress just emptying out of my body.

Yeah, tour was going to be just as great as I had ever imagined.

_Sooooo? What did you think? I know, it was a bit weird, but still! I think it moved the story along quite well. I'm debating between next chapter being Going through the WHOLE tour, or a reflection back on the whole tour, now... I GOT IT! NEVER MIND, I GOT IT! Oh, shit, gotta go!_

_SL_


	15. Chapter 15

_Disclaimer: Please, if I was posting here, would I own Gravitation?_

_Author's Notes: Howdy doody! I figured out how to do this chapter as soon as I finished the last one! How cool is that? So it's going to be pretty interesting, maybe even confusing. Don't forget to review and tell me!_

_**Noriko's Story**_

_Mistakes are a part of life. We all stumble at some point. The road becomes bumpy eventually, no matter how smooth it was at first. The winding curves and treacherous dips are the mistakes we make that make us what we are._

_We are human. We are real. We make life whatever we want it to be by accepting our Fate or denying it. While we can make our lives more difficult for ourselves, we can't make it go any smoother than it was destined to be._

_**Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep**_

It was all so funny. They refused to let me call up a cot or get another room. They saved sex for when I was out. We shared the bed, and even the bathroom.

Yes, Ryuichi insisted we share the bathroom.

But not in the way where we all take turns. If I was going to the bathroom, he'd pop in and start playing with Kuma and talking to me as I was trying to pee. Well, that wasn't so bad until the issue of showering came up. He had a bright suggestion of all three of us showering at once.

Nuh-uh.

The first time he tried to get in, I shoved him out, screaming. I almost chased him, throwing random objects at him. But I was good and stayed put once he left. Only he didn't leave. Apparently, he'd taken to sitting on the toilet while I showered, chattering away without a care in the world. Sometimes I'd get lucky and Tohma would pull him out, but usually he'd be laughing when we came out. Bastard. He didn't mind when Ryuichi did it to him, only because they were dating.

The tour had been awesome! We were sold out every show, rushed at almost every time, oh, I could never put that feeling into words. It was just so amazing! Lights, sound, music, energy and fun. Oh it was so much fun! But it wasn't a letdown to go back home. Not at all. It was a tired relief to flop down on my own couch, in my place. Sleep in my own sheet, alone. Yes, even sleeping alone was a relief. And finally, after we'd all rested and were happily back into a lazy routine, Ryuichi decided we should go out.

A day at the beach!

In all honesty, nothing sounded better than a warm day, hot sands, cool ice cream and the roaring sound of the ocean and kids running and screaming. It was just too perfect to refuse. We figured we'd go early a little later than when the morning people gathered. Big crowd there, three new people show up? No one would notice. I put on a hat for the sake that my hair could be spotted from a mile away by anyone who owned a pair of eyes and saw any of our CD advertisements.

The heat was thick, but the breeze coming off the ocean was refreshing, although annoyingly strong. We were laying out, Ryuichi building a little sand castle for Kuma, Tohma and I talking. Everything was going surprisingly well until Ryuichi decided to serenade Tohma. He was singing in a normal tone, but he always gets carried away. Tohma had slipped his sunglasses off to watch him sing and my hat had suddenly blown off. I caught it, reaching over quickly, and crushed it under the weight of my head resting atop my hands as I watched Ryuichi.

The crowd around us seemed to shift as suddenly as the wind, heads and bodies turning towards our little circle. Tohma, while not being the only blonde (though maybe the only natural one) was someone you could easily overlook… until you saw his eyes. But they were closed while he listened to Ryuichi, an elbow borrowing in the sand as his hand held his head up. Ryuichi, though child like and attention getting, could be overlooked as well… if not for the fact that his voice was unmistakable. And with Kuma balanced atop his head as he sang, voice rising loudly for a big ending, arms spread wide, the crowd seemed very close.

My hair didn't help.

I forgot to put my hat back on during the midst of this, and all of the beach goers seemed to come to the conclusion that a blonde, brunette and purple haired group of friends, one singing, HAD to be Nittle Grasper, Japan's top hit band. There was a scream of Ryuichi's name, then an explosion of screams, the pounding of teens rushing forth. Tohma and I scrambled to our feet, Ryuichi humming pleasantly as he made Kuma dance along. The rushing mass stopped before us and there was an eerie, shifting calm before the noise started up again, questions and random shouts and screams for songs, CD's, autographs… clothing.

We were at the beach… how much clothing could we possibly give if we had wanted to!

I was slowly backed away towards Ryuichi, taking his arm and pulling him up, but the crowd closed in. Pens, papers, CD's were thrust at us and Tohma was trying to placate the crowd, sighing what he could, avoiding grasping hands while I tried the same, pleading to leave us in peace. No one listened, and then a large arm snaked out from behind me, clutching my waist and before I shout (never scream. Too much pride to scream and shriek) the arm yanks me backwards, pushing all the air out of me in a sighing grunt of some mingled word. My legs fly out from under me as I'm carried backwards quickly, and for a moment, I'm afraid I'll never see Ryuichi or Tohma again. But with the price of fame, come power, money and influence. Tohma will find me if I don't come back on my own, I know he will.

Would he give up?

I'm scared again. What if he tried so hard, and then gives up? Would he give up for Ryuichi? I start questioning my friends then. Am I truly important to them? Would they mourn my absence? Evil thoughts, cold thoughts. I know them enough to know they would find me. I'm sure of it.

I'm put down, feet touching gritty boardwalk and am taken by the arm by a large hand and rushed towards the other side, away from the beach, towards one of the small sets of stairs that lead down to the road where cars park along side. This man is tall compared to me, a wide back, smooth shoulders, and dark hair starting to grey.

Wonderful. Some old fart kidnapped me.

But he doesn't look weak or fragile in anyway, and a sense of utter defeat comes over me. I can't get away. His grip is too strong, even if I took him by surprise. Leading me down the stairs, he stops before a motorcycle, letting me go to start unlocking it. I could run. I could get away…

And go where? Back into the mass of fans to stand helplessly around with my friends?

We took a cab to get here, no one wanted to take my car (bastards! I love my crappy red car!) and a limo would be far too obvious. So my only escape was this man. Who had already situated himself on the bike and looked at me.

I half expect him to say 'Come with me if you want to live', but he doesn't, his dark eyes serious with a small glimmer of humor as he jerks his head back, motioning to the seat behind him.

"C'mon. Before they find us," he said, voice deep, but not gravelly.

Willingly I did as he commanded, swinging one leg over the bike and behind him, pressing myself up close to his back, arms fitting around his waist. I had no choice, there was little else to do. He leaned, righting the bike to life the kick stand with a practiced ease, starting it up, using one leg to gently turn it to face away from the boardwalk, revved it and shot off.

This was officially, the stupidest and most exhilarating thing I ever did.

We flew down the road, the rush stopping when we had to pause at a light, and finally, I started recognizing my part of the city. Now I was creeped out. Did I have a stalker?

Apparently not, I realized as he turned the bike into a driveway at a small place that was, I mentally mapped this out, four blocks away from mine. Coincidence, obviously.

The roar stopped suddenly, engine cut, and he had both feet firmly on the pavement, apparently waiting for me to get off. Silently I slipped off, giving a small bow as he did too.

"Thank you very much for your help," I murmured, and then looked up at him.

He seemed very amused I, being who I was, would be so formal to someone I didn't know. Well, every now and then, the things I learned from living with my parents kicked in. And, I had to grudgingly admit this, I WAS thankful. But, a little upset I couldn't save myself and my friends.

"Nothing to thank me for. No reason a lady should be put in a mess like that," he said offhandedly. "You left your stuff, so you can use my phone to call a cab."

And with that, he headed towards the front door, leaving me stupefied.

Didn't… didn't he know who I was?

I was so used to men of all ages ogling me, trying to grope at me, pretend to be nice to try and bed me… that I actually wondered who this man was. My interest was peaked, and I followed after him with an intense urge to learn more.

Unlocking the door, he entered first (rude!). I followed, taking a look around. Modest, lived alone obviously. He pointed me towards the kitchen, a phone hanging off the wall.

"Thank you," I said again, walking over, calling a service I knew by heart.

Hell, you work at a bar; you HAVE to know a taxi service by heart.

I dialed, turning around to watch the man as it rang. He was moving about the kitchen, apparently fixing himself a drink. He caught me looking and lifted the glass with questioning eyes towards me. I nodded my head then smiled as a voice came in the line, asking what they could do to help me. I had to ask the man for the address to his place and fed it back into the phone once he told me. Then, a taxi would apparently be there shortly.

Hanging up, I took a seat at the table as he slid a drink over to me. Usually, I would be cautious, wondering if anything had been slipped in it, but I liked this man, who apparently didn't give two shits about me. And if he didn't care about me, why try to put something in my drink, right?

"You would be Noriko-san from that band I see everywhere… Nittle Something, right?" he said, sitting opposite me.

"Grasper. Nittle Grasper, and yes I am. You are?" I asked, sipping my drink.

I should properly thank the man who saved me, right?

"Ukai Tetsuya, at your service, so it seems," he said with a wry smile.

"Thank you so much for this, Ukai-san," I thanked him, smiling.

"No need. Like I said: No reason a lady should be left in a mess like that."

He was not phased, was not star-stuck, nothing. Color me impressed.

"And what do you do, if I may ask?" I said, wanting to know more about him.

"I teach at the University. Culinary Arts. I also do small articles now and then for local magazines on food and whatnot."

I was about to say something when I saw the taxi flash by the window, slowing to a stop.

"Well… it looks like my time is up," I said, smiling as I got up.

He followed suit. "It was very nice to meet you, even under the awkward circumstances."

We shared a small laugh, and I felt myself blush slightly.

"I'm not far from here, so maybe I'll see you around."

"Maybe. I wouldn't mind another encounter of the Purple Kind," Tetsuya joked, walking me to the door.

I laughed, realizing he was talking about my hair. I was just glad he didn't ask why it was purple.

"Thank you again, Ukai-san. It was very nice meeting you," I said one final time before walking out the door.

But I stopped, turning back to him, where, surprisingly, he was still standing at the doorway as if waiting for me to turn around.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" I asked boldly.

"Not that I know of," he smiled.

"Would you like to go out to dinner then?"

His smiled widened. "Even better… I'll cook for you."

That sent a thrill through me.

"When should I-"

"Seven thirty," he said cutting me off. "But your meter is running, so I'll see you then."

And with that he shut the door and I went home, floating on a cloud.

I'd never met a man like that in my entire life… and I was excited to see him again. Slipping into my place, I checked the time, realizing I had hours to go before seven and a ton of messages on my machine. Probably Ryuichi and Tohma. Well, they could wait. Even if I had hours, I wanted to be ready to go. I showered, fixed my hair, leaving it loose, picking out a dress (a simple 'little black dress'), matching heels, jewelry and make-up and I was set. It was six when I had everything done, not yet dressed. And decided to call the guys to tell them I was alive at least.

I dialed Tohma, who answered on the first ring.

"Hello?" He sounded out of breath.

"Am I interrupting?" I asked lightly.

A small gasp and the sounds of scrambling. "Nori-chan! What happened! Where have you-"

A loud click and Ryuichi was on. "Seaweed! Where are you? Are you okay! What happened?"

"Ryu… if you look on the phone, it says I'm calling from my house," I told him, smiling.

"You're home? She's home!"

Another click, their voices muttering in the distance. "Nori-chan… sorry. Would you like us to stop by and-"

"I have a date," I said offhandedly.

I could picture Tohma's face smiling (like always) and Ryuichi's mouth working without sound.

"A date? Really? And with whom?" he asked, sounding very intrigued.

I was grinning now. "With the guy who rescued me!"

"Res- Oh, you mean kidnapped you and ran off with you," he said. A little warning for me to be careful.

"Tohma, he wasn't even phased by who I was! He probably only knows our band through the kids he teaches and our promos everywhere!" I told him, excited.

"Still, one must always be careful," he told me gently.

"I will I promise. So, how did you guys get out?" I asked, trying to focus on what should've been important in the first place.

"Would you believe me if I said Ryuichi swept me away, as did your knight in shinning armor?" Tohma asked with a soft laugh.

"Not in the least. He was probably screaming, wasn't he?"

"Oh, quite loudly-"

"I heard that," Ryuichi suddenly growled. "And I was scared because Kuma was scared, that's all."

"Of course, Bunny Boy," I soothed, still smiling.

"And I WAS screaming before someone called…," he told me.

"So… I was out Gods-know-where with some guy… and you two were fucking like bunnies?" I asked indignantly, though joking.

"Of course, Seaweed," he mimicked.

"You guys suck. What if I was raped?" I asked.

"Then we all would've been having sex," he told me giggling.

Another shift. "Sorry, Nori-chan, anyway-"

"I'm sorry, Tohma! It's almost seven thirty! I have to go. I love you guys, and I'll call you when I get in," I told him hurriedly.

"Of course. Please be careful," he told me.

"Promise, bye!"

I hung up and rushed into my room, slipping into the dress, putting on the jewelry, touching up the make-up. At the door, I slipped on the heels, grabbed my keys and went out.

For the first time in my life… I wished I had a different car besides my little red one.

I mean, I thought I looked good… but how good could I look stepping out of my junker? Well, better then most, I decided, pulling up to his place… ten minutes late. Shit.

Well, better late than never.

Pushing my nerves aside (I still couldn't figure out what had me going about this man) I knocked on the door.

He opened up, looking surprised. "You're early."

I opened my mouth to speak and then stared at him. "No one's ever said that before in my entire life. Mine said ten minutes late."

"Ah! I was hoping you were more of the fashionably late type… seeing as I can never keep track of time myself," Tetsuya said, stepping aside to let me in.

"I know how it is, trust me," I told him, stepping in with a smile.

He complimented me on my outfit, I told him he looked nice in his. Tetsuya was wearing dark slacks with a light, button down shirt. Even for someone of his age, he was still very attractive. I didn't notice before, but now that I was able to take my time, I saw he had a mustache and was wearing glasses.

"Were you wearing those before?" I asked, taking the seat he held out for me.

He shifted the glasses on his face. "These? Oh, no. I don't wear them when I go to the beach. Contacts only."

Smiling, I asked what he had on the menu for tonight.

There was glint in his eyes as he told me, "A surprise."

Oh, it was one of the best surprises I'd had in a long time.

We made it halfway through dinner before that small, smoldering heat had taken a hold of me and I was fidgeting in my seat. I felt a little embarrassed, lusting after an older man like this. But he must've had some interest, accepting my offer to dinner. We traded pasts for a while, finding out he was from a very upstanding family, as was I. He seemed surprised, to which I laughed. Tetsuya still looked dignified, holding up the family honor. I paraded around in from of millions with purple hair and revealing clothes.

Yeah, match made in heaven!

But we traded looks over bites of food, smiles through our drinks, and the conversation became less vocal and more physical. And there was a breaking point.

"Would you like a tour of the house?" he asked, looking over at me.

We were in the middle of dinner, but I wanted nothing more than a 'tour'.

Nodding I pushed back my chair, getting up, Tetsuya doing the same. He took my hand, which now seemed so small in comparison to his larger one, and led me out of the kitchen and into the living room. And for a moment, I really thought he was crazy enough to actually give me a tour around the house. But he was just holding up his end of the charade. He did show me all of his place, and, playing along, I asked to see his room one last time. I had really liked the painting and wanted to see it again.

There was no painting in his room.

But he understood, leading me back and I entered, taking him with me. He closed the door behind us, and I turned to face him.

"I don't… do this often," I said quietly. Hoping he'd believe me and understand this feeling I felt for him.

"You didn't seem like it. To be honest, I was surprised you asked me out tonight," he replied.

Good. He didn't think I was some whore.

I was about to say something when he leaned down, pressing his lips against mine in a kiss. I shut my eyes, my arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold him against me. He parted my lips with his, and our tongues slid out, rubbing against one another in a slow pace. Tetsuya's hand slid around my waist, and they were burning through the dress, His hands slid up, pulling down the zipper, and slipped the straps down my arms. My arms unraveled, fingers slipping buttons through the holes of his shirt, sliding it off his arms. My dress fell away and his shirt dropped to the floor. His arms cradled me as he picked my up, carrying me over to the bed, placing me down on the slick comforter. It felt like ice compared to my heated flesh, I leaned over as he slipped off his glasses, placing them on a side table and popped the button open to the pants, my fingers trembling slightly with anticipation as I slid the zipper down, tugging the dark slacks lightly and they fell away.

He stopped me there, a bulge prominent in his boxers, and got onto the bed with me, standing on his knees, before my legs. I parted them, letting him come to rest between them, his body covering mine. He hovered over me before lowering his body down softly, kissing me deeply before moving towards my neck and my body hummed with pleasure. Strong hands ran lightly over my body and slid the straps of my bra down my shoulders, giving more skin to access as he continued downward with his mouth. Soft flesh picked at with his teeth, bristly mustache sending goose bumps across my skin. His hands slipped behind me, I curved my back upwards to give him better access to unhook my bra, lacy material dropped to the side of the bed. His hands covered my breasts, needing them gently, working the nipples up to hard points. Thrills of pleasure were running through me and a pinch to a hardened nipple made me gasp, trailing off into a low moan, back arching to press closer to Tetsuya. One hand continued the assault while his mouth closed over the other. His teeth gently pressed around the nipple, making me writhe, moaning.

Then he continued downward, mouth trailing hot, wet kisses along my stomach, and I knew I had a nice figure. I was proud of it and glad I had no room for embarrassment. His tongue ran along the edge of my panties, thoroughly damp, tugging them gently downward, revealing more skin for himself. He dragged the thin material up my thighs, and down my calves, making me shiver lightly. I lifted my feet, enabling him to remove the panties and toss them where my bra had been discarded. His hands roamed my body along with his eyes, finger caressing my thighs, fluttering touches at my stomach.

I sat up, leaning over to worm the boxers off his hips, working them off over the erection gently. Tetsuya slipped off the bed to remove them completely. He leaned over me again, kissing me thoroughly. He put his weight on his one arm near my head, using the other to guide himself into me.

I bit my lip, lifting my legs up, trying to make the plunge a little easier on me. It had been a long time since I had last gotten laid. No matter how turned on I was, the first time entering was still a small burn of pain. Tetsuya look a bit worried, but I smiled up at him once he had pushed in the whole length. A moment of adjusting and I was fine. With a nod, his face broke out into relief.

We went slow, nothing fast, rash, 'in-the-heat-of-the-moment'. And actually, it was nice. I didn't know what my emotional attachments were then, but still, if felt nice to feel almost like I was being taken care of like that. A conscientious lover. A rare find.

We both worked together, almost feeling like one, as we helped each other reach our peaks. We climbed higher and higher, then gently brought ourselves back down.

And now I'm here, counting the cracks in the ceiling. Last hour it was the different shapes I could see when letting my eyes fade in and out. Tetsuya is next to me, deep asleep, and my cell phone is buzzing somewhere in my car, I know it.

I've officially fucked my life up again. I get my second chance, and I blow it. Gods, how stupid am I? Why didn't I stop it? What was I thinking?

Not much apparently.

I slip out of the bed, and search for a pen and paper. Finding some, I leave him a note. I have to get home. I don't… no I can't look at his face in the morning. I can't.

_Tetsuya_

_This was a mistake. I'm sorry._

_Noriko_

I look at. I hate how short it is. But what else could I put? P.S. We forgot a condom?

I'm such an idiot. I leave the note on the bed next to him, on my pillow. I collect my things, slipping into them and head downstairs, peeking into the kitchen, the dinner gone to waste, the bed gone to waste. Everything gone to waste.

Slipping into my car, I pick up my phone in the passengers seat, looking at the small lighted screen.

No calls.

Sighing, I toss it back on the seat, and start up the car, driving back to my house. I slam the car door as I get out, not caring who I might wake. I unlock my place and walk in, stripping as I head for the bathroom, clothes leaving a trail behind me. I stand nude in the bathroom, letting the water run until the steam is so thick, I'm afraid to step into the water, but I force myself. It's scalding, but I stay.

I hate myself. I can't stand my lack of thinking when I need it most, but here are my thoughts now, ready and willing to direct me, guide me.

"Where the hell were you when I needed you!" I shout, a fist punching a slick, tiled side of the shower.

I stand there, continually punching the wall until my hand can't take it anymore and then I stay until the water starts freezing me. Chattering, I step out of the shower, looking at my hand. It's going to look like hell tomorrow. I won't be able to play. I should probably get it checked out too.

Fuck it. It'll heal when it heals.

I make my way, not drying myself off or dressing, back to my room, twisting around until the sheets clinging to my soaked body wrap around me in a cocoon. Teeth clacking, body shaking, I find myself staring at my own ceiling.

_This was 15 pages long. My longest chapter ever! It's 1:30 here, I just finished. Man, I am fucking beat, okay? Jeeze. And i've got two weeks left until I move, so I'm trying to make these good ones. And I know what you're thinking:_

'Why isn't Tetsuya crazy!'

_I'm blaming his crazy on his age. I don't see him as too old in this chapter. They're together at least 6 years. Saki is six years old in the Manga. Six years is enough time to develop a crazy. So no worries!_

_Please review guys. I'm wiped, I need some support. I appreciate my three constant reviewers:_

**_Sarah, T.T and Kai_**

_Thanks so much for the continual support. You guys have kept me going more than you know. But any new readers, please, give a stuggling, irritated, tired writer something to make her happy._

_Night..._

_SL_


	16. Chapter 16

_Disclaimer: Not mine folks!_

_Author's Notes: As pointed out by a friend of mine, yes, last chapter was inspired by **Shooting Stars**. It's a wonderful fanfic about NG. Mostly focused on Tohma. I'm not condoning stealing written work. While the gist of that chapter was the same as the one in **Shooting Stars**, my thinking was that I wrote it differently enough to have it pass. But, before even starting to write that chapter, I **did** try to e-mail the author of **Shooting Stars**. Unfortunately, the e-mails never made it through and kept being sent back to me. I even went so far as to search for another e-mail address she may have been using, by searching around on LiveJournal and all her friends. Sadly, no luck. I say this though: If the author contacts me in anyway and asks me to take down that chapter, my full intention is to remove it and change it. I had to put that in, because I forgot to mention it in the last chapter. My apologies. As you read, it was late when I finished._

_Moving on! This chapter is… Well, duh, what do you think it is! It's happened before and it happened again! Everything's coming 'round full circle! NORIKO'S SECOND CHILD!_

_I wrote that with the intention of you guys having it sound like a professional wrestling announcer's voice. I dunno shrug Aku woke up not too long ago, so give her a break. Just waiting for the soda to kick in._

_Please enjoy this next installment!_

_**Noriko's Story** _

_Women. _

_We get one of two images in our minds when we hear that word. A huddled rampaging mass of bitches, screeching like harpies as they ride in on fire breathing behemoths, swinging oversized shopping bags and purses, sending men running in scattering clumps._

_Or, we see in our minds eye, the tall, statuesque beauties with long hair, a soft voice, perfect china doll features. In every way they seem quiet, polite. So far away, yet so completely touchable. _

_When you hear words like 'soft' 'delicate' 'demure' 'lust' you think of a woman. Or words like 'harpy' 'screech' 'witch' 'whore' you think of a woman. Effeminate men could be related to these words as well, but your first conclusion is never a man. Admit it._

_Because we are caring and commanding. Soft and tough. There is nothing we can't be. We are the Dreams. We are the Nightmares. We are the world and it inhabitants. We are necessity. We are everything, and that amounts us to nothing._

_Until we find the one devoted love, we are nothing. And where better to find such devotion than in that of our very own children? They depend on us, need us, want us around. While the husband may tire and bore and become self-dependant, the children will always need us. Even when they are grown and have their own families, they still need us. And we need them. We need that final cementing bond of true love. _

_Now was my time to forge this bond._

_I wasn't ready. _

_**True Love And Devotion**_

I couldn't do this again. There was no way I could ever go through this again. But did I really have a choice? I wasn't going to get rid of it, but I couldn't exactly keep it either. I was so fucking screwed.

Oh, ha ha. Look, a play on words.

I couldn't keep myself locked away forever like last time. It was impossible. I had work to do! This wasn't high school where we were playing for fun. This was real life. People depended on me on a larger scale now.

I had to fess up. They had to know.

I decided calling Ryuichi first would be easiest. If nothing else, maybe he'd cheer me up.

I called him the next day, crawling out of bed, still dragging the sheets with me to cover me. Flopping on the couch, I picked up the phone, calling the singer, hoping I wasn't waking anyone. I knew it was early. I hadn't been able to sleep.

" 'Lo?" It was Ryuichi's tired voice.

"Hey, Bunny Boy," I greeted softly, smiling a little.

"Seaweed… it's not up time yet," he groaned.

I sighed. "Yeah I know… sorry. I just… needed to talk to someone."

"What's up?"

Oh Gods… I never thought I'd actually have to tell. "I had sex last night…"

"You called me just to tell me that? Well, I had sex last night too. Soon to be this morning as well. I'll talk to you late-"

I cut him off. "Unprotected."

Silence. Horrible, suffocating silence.

Finally "Who is he?"

I pulled the phone away from my ear, looking at it. Did… did Ryuichi just growl?

Placing it carefully back at my ear, I asked, "Why?"

"Because I'm gonna kill that shit!"

Oh man… not what I had expected.

"C-calm down! It was only one night, right? I can just…" I faltered for words. I could what? What could I possibly do? "I have to go, bye."

I hung up before he could argue, locked my door, pulled all the blinds and sat back on the couch, letting myself fall to one side to lie down, legs curling up.

Damnit… what now?

Clinic. Go to a clinic and pretend this never happened. If I wasn't so against it, I probably would've gone.

A week. I give myself a week and take a test and then decide what to do. That's exactly it. Just like last time.

I tried to keep it off my mind the whole week. Tried to relax, though it was hard with the phone ringing off the hook, and being completely scared that I would run into Tetsuya or Ryuichi. But, the week finally came and went and I picked up a test and tossed it in the bathroom, intent on forgetting about. I couldn't, but that didn't mean I couldn't try.

Okay, I couldn't.

The next day I was locking myself in the bathroom, doing exactly what I had done years before. It felt exactly the same. An out of body experience. I saw myself tear through the flimsy cardboard box, tip out the plastic wrapped test. Again I waited five minutes, and then checked.

I had to go see Tetsuya.

I dragged myself out to my car and over to his house. Knocking quickly before I gave myself a chance to run away. Waiting, I felt frozen, hating the sickening feeling of dread that was eating me up inside.

He answered, looking surprised.

"Hey," I said quietly, avoiding his eyes.

"Hello." That was it. That was all he said.

I shifted on my feet. "Um… can I… come in?"

He stepped away from the door. A signal that I could enter. So I did.

Tetsuya shut the door, making himself a drink and offering me one. I turned it down. Silently he took a seat at the table, I followed suit, sitting opposite of him. I couldn't pry my eyes off the table, where my hands rested in a tight knot.

"So," Tetsuya said, breaking the silence.

"So," I sighed, feeling my shoulders drop a little.

Another silence.

"I'm pregnant," I confessed. "But… I just thought you should know was all. I mean… I'm not expecting anythi-"

"Noriko," Tetsuya interrupted. I looked up at him. "Are you positive?"

I nodded, not wanting to speak for fear of spilling tears.

"Well, then, there's only one thing to do."

Ooh, such finality in that tone. I heard the sound of a key turning in a lock, chains rattling.

"Oh, no… I mean, I just wanted you to know," I protested, with an embarrassed laugh.

"Marry me," he said, leaning back with a shrug, watching me.

"Why?" I asked, immediately wishing I hadn't.

He raised an eyebrow. "Because it's best for the child. And we have a mutual chemistry."

He was right, I knew. But… my job! My friends! The guys… Fuck, I needed to talk to Tohma.

"I-uh-I… yeah," I sighed, defeated. "Yes. We'll have to get married then."

Fuck. I was trapped.

"So, I'll talk to my parents. I expect you will go do the same," Tetsuya said, getting up from the table.

My parents? Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Yeah, no problem," I said, getting up and heading for the door.

"I'll be seeing you soon, then."

"Yeah, real soon," I said with a weak smile, leaving.

I got in my car and went around the block, parking. I fumbled with my phone, dialing Tohma's number with trembling fingers.

"Hello, Seguchi here," he soft voice answered.

"Tohma?" I said, knowing full well it was him.

"Noriko?" He asked, almost unsure.

My voice was thick as I hunched over the wheel of my car, trying not to cry. "I'm getting married."

"Oh, that's wonderful!"

No! No it's not!

"Yeah… I know, right?" I tried laughing, but a choked sob came out.

There was a silence before he spoke again. "Nori-chan, is this not what you want?"

"No! No, I… I do… it's best…," I murmured, one hand fisting in my hair.

"Best for what? Him?" Tohma asked, gently trying to pry the answer out of me.

"Oh… I don't know about him. But… for our kid. Surprise, Tohma!" I said with weak enthusiasm. "I'm pregnant too."

"Ah," he said softly. "I see. Well… congratulations on both, Nori-chan."

Stop it… stop pretending all of this is alright! Please… tell me I can't do any of this for the sake of the band. Tell me no. Stop me! Tohma, make it go away… just… make it stop.

"Thanks… I have to go," I said quietly.

"Of course! Many things to plan, and people to call," he said happily. "Please, call me if you need any help.

I did… that's why I called in the first place…

"Sure," I said and hung up.

I threw my phone hard at the dashboard and it bounced up, hitting the windshield, forming a crack.

Lovely.

I went home and crawled into bed. I call mom tomorrow. Or maybe next week.

I couldn't hold off until next week. The next morning, after throwing out all my cigarettes (again) I sat on the couch and called my mother.

If anyone had burst in, telling me that in exchange for some impossible task, I wouldn't have to call my parents, I would've accepted the task right away. Anything other than this.

Surprisingly, my mother picked up right away. "How nice of you to call."

I hate when she does that. I know she's no happier to hear from me than if her house just exploded.

"Hello, mother," I greet with a painfully polite voice.

"Your father and I are already working on the arrangements," she told me.

"Um… what?" How could they know already? Did I call in my sleep?

A soft 'oh, you silly little girl' laugh floated into my ear. "Your father and I have known Tetsuya's family for a long while, Noriko. They told us yesterday."

Fucking lovely.

"Oh, that we want to get married?" I asked, hoping the pregnancy wasn't mentioned.

"What else? Anyway, your father and I are so pleased you've decided to settle down and quit that horrible band you've been-"

"Quit? Who said anything about quitting?" I interrupted, eyes narrowing.

I could almost picture her, lips pursed, eyes narrowed like mine. "Well, it seems like the right thing to do. You should be home to take care of your husband… not play around in some silly band in… what you think is clothing."

"Mother," I said sternly. "We have a contract. I'm not quitting."

"But I'm sure your father's lawyers can-"

"I. Am. Not. Quitting."

"Noriko, remember who you're talking to, young lady," she snapped.

"I know full well who I'm talking to. But I'm not yours to order around like this anymore! This is my job. I plan to keep doing it. Thank you for the help with the wedding. Call me if-"

"Why are you always like this? I can't believe the nerve-"

"I'm pregnant too. Good-bye, mother," I told her, and hung up.

Oh, fuck… I was so dead.

_Dude, sorry it took so long! I had my going away party the other day! Oh, so fun! My friends threw it, and they got me a pinata! We broke the bat on accident! And pin the nose on the clown! I was closest! Tons of pictures, AND BATMAN SHOWED UP! My bestest guy pal, Jon dressed up as Batman. He stripped later to the Thong song, but not as Batman. No fair. pout lol. Then his hottie girlfriend Nicole stripped too! lol! She was wearing a thong. It was all quite funny. You really had to be there, I guess._

_Anyway, I ramble! Next chapter is the wedding and pregnancy! Nori's pouting in my head at this. She doesn't want to relive any of it. Poor girl. Sucks for her! Her angst is your entertainment! I now have to go reasearch Japanese weddings. Bah. Laters! Review!_

SL


	17. Chapter 17

_Disclaimer: Man, if I owned it, I wouldn't be doing this._

_Author's Notes: Umm… I'm betting lots of research went into this chapter. I write my A/N's before I really start… so yeah. Well, since I planned on looking up information, I bet I am! Or, did. Whatever. Enjoy!_

_Okay, I'm going with recent research and so… no yelling at me! I know the title makes no sense with traditional Japanese weddings… but shut up! I liked it!_

_**Noriko's Story**_

_Imagine, if you will, a large picture window. Outside, past the gleam of well made glass, you see the landscape spread before you. Tall, green grass shimmering in waves like a content ocean at rest. The sounds and smells and atrocities of the city life are miles from this peaceful scene. Now, if you would, picture birds flying about above the scene. Chirping, swooping enjoying the day just like we are through our window. And then…_

_Thunk! Flutter._

_Watch a bird fly straight towards us. Watch it hit the window. It's not like a cartoon where it sticks and streaks downwards. No, it hits then falls back, wings splayed, eyes shut. A flock continues to do the same. Again and again._

_Thunk! Flutter. Thunk! Flutter._

_Now look at your window. See it? See the smudges, the cracks, marks, maybe even blood?_

_The window is the truth of everything. How simple. How clean-cut. And yet, it is our biggest obstacle. If we choose not to see it, we plow on through, hitting it full force, and, like the birds, smear it with our feelings._

_The truth is shrouded in fallacies of which we call feelings. The truth is simplicity. The emotions and feelings make it muddled._

_Some search for truth, but there is never a need to search when you're always staring right at it._

_**The Devil Wears White**_

The marriage had to be done quickly now that my parents knew I was pregnant. They didn't want me to show any sign of child during the wedding, so we only had several months or so to get everything ready. Since this was technically my second one, I'd start showing earlier than before. Somewhere between three and four months instead of five or six months. I was screwed. Weddings took years of planning, at least that's how it always seemed.

My mother and I argued over my hair for weeks. She wanted me to dye it back to its original color before the wedding and keep it that way. I refused. Why should I change who I am just for the sake of marriage? And all she could do was keep throwing shots about how disgraceful I was to our family, and what would such-and-such aunt think? Or so-and-so's son who's married to what's-her-face? Did I remember her? Wasn't she beautiful on her wedding day?

I dyed it black just to shut her up. I wanted things to go as smoothly and as painlessly as possible.

I had to admit, the shiro-maku 1 looked wonderful. It was well made and somehow comfortable. I didn't think it would be. The bunkin-takashimada 2 was a little uncomfortable. While tugging it into place, my scalp felt like it was on fire before turning into a painful numb state, kanzashi ornaments and combs prodding at my head. A little itchy too. The tsuno kakushi 3 only constricted everything. Annoying.

I was a wreck before hand, trying not to cry, trying to make sure the make-up didn't run or smear. Maki was with me, and she kept me from drinking myself silly before going over to see Tetsuya. But, I went through it sober (unfortunately) and tried telling myself it was all for the good of our child. It had to be best. It had to be done.

Tetsuya, I had to admit, looked good in the montsuki kimono 4 with the short haori 5 overcoat bearing his family's crest with pleated hakama 6 pants.

The music was beautiful for the moment in question. Flutes played lightly and I wanted to cry all over again. We were before the priest, who purified us. Oh, if they only knew how 'pure' I really was… and we went through the vows. Gods, it all seemed to drag on forever. Then it was time for san san kudo 7 and for once in my life, I didn't want to drink. It was a hard effort to swallow the sake, but I couldn't've stopped when Tetsuya did it so calmly. Lastly, we had the sakaki 8 given to the God, and it was over.

We were married.

There was still the reception party where we greeted our guests. And the food was good and appropriate. Our parents had thought of everything, really. Normally, this would've been any girl's dream, but it was my nightmare.

_1 Shiro means white. Maku means pure. This is the traditional Japanese bridal kimono._

_2 Bunkin-takashimada is what they call the hairstyle for the bride. It is decorated with kanzashi ornaments, combs and accessories._

_3 Tsuno kakushi is the white wedding hood worn for the Japanese wedding ceremony._

_4 Montsuki kimono is the traditional clothing worn by the groom of a traditional Japanese wedding._

_5 Haori overcoat is a coat worn over a kimono, something like a jacket I assume._

_6 Pleated hakama pants are the pants worn with the traditional clothing for a groom at his wedding. They are large and loose in the leg._

_7 San san kudo is the sharing of the sake. Three sips for each the bride and groom, cementing their marital bonds._

_8 Sakaki is the final part of the ceremony where the offer small tree twigs to the God. In the article I'm getting this information from, I was unsure if the is what the offering itself is called, or what the tree twigs were called. I opted on offering. Anyone can correct me if I'm wrong, just be polite!_

_Turns out my title worked after all! Anyway, sorry it was short, I did my best, but my time is growing short. The computers are being packed up next week. I'm not sure when, so I am rushing a bit. Review please!_

_SL_


	18. Chapter 18

_Disclaimer: Does anyone pay attention to these? HONK IF YOU'RE A MOOSE!_

_Author's Notes: Okay, sorry about the major shortness of the last chapter, but I now have a true timeframe to work by. It's sucks major ass also, because I finished the newest Harry Potter book and I'm deeply upset. The last time I cried over a book, was the seventh book in Stephen King's Dark Tower series, okay? So I am hurt! And my gramma quit smoking, so now that I'm outta cigs, I've got no one to bum off of, and seriously, I'm going crazy, dying for something to smoke. I was debating on how much it would kill my throat to try and smoke paper. But that burns too fast, y'know? Anyway, here's the next chapter, I have to cram a lot in. Um… and I guess that's it. WAIT! Actually, I have to announce this:_

_Anyone who liked reading 'The Other Side', my fic about Shu and Yuki switching lives? Remember? Well, I'm working on chapter three as well! So it should be out in few days. It's long, and I have to type it up from a non internet accessible PC, onto an internet accessible PC. So, YAY!_

_Alright, have fun!_

_**Noriko's Story**_

_It surprises me how much I would rather live in the Past, going through the most horrible moments, just for those few good ones. It's doesn't even out. It's not equal. I'm a fool. But I regret nothing. By hiding in the Past, I can avoid the Present, thus making little to no dent in the Future. _

_It would make so much sense if you could see it from my point of view. I'm struggling for the words to describe my exact thoughts. But how can anyone understand this?_

_Ah, there is always hope though. A brilliant ray of light shining through the darkness. Always after the darkest memories come some of the brightest. And sometimes, reliving the pain that some of these memories bring is worth the absolute elation of the good memories. _

_But sometimes… sometimes it's not…_

_And I wonder some days, what would today be like if I wasn't living in yesterday? Would the pain be any better or less than the pain of the Past?_

_**Drowning Beneath The Surface**_

Married life blew major ass.

Here I was, still in my twenties, my second child on the way, married to a guy twice my age.

Yes, this was the perfect thing to celebrate. A perfect time for my mother to be flitting about, 'helping'. Oh, yes, helping! 'Helping' us find a house. 'Helping' us buy new furniture. 'Helping' us announce my pregnancy. And a slew of other things that she was just so 'helpful' with, I couldn't 'help' but shout my thanks at her.

She was driving me nuts!

We eventually would've found our own place together, and we didn't NEED to get new stuff! But my mother was insistent. I couldn't take her. I wanted to slam the door and lock it. And it would keep her out forever. And then winter would come, and she would still be screeching at the door, knee deep in snow, icicles hanging off her until her skin turned blue. And like in cartoons, you could here her slowly freeze over with that tightening sound effect, and there she would stay, a blue ice statue for all to see. Mouth hanging open, mid scream, arm raised in a clenched fist waiting to fall against the door.

And some people think I'm not imaginative.

I chalked up my sudden murderous streak up to the fact that I was pregnant and my body was out of whack (I knew better… but they didn't have to know that! I mean, hell, I was given a smile when I threw a glass and burst into tears! Pass that up? What am I? Stupid?). But when I had time to myself, I could never help but smile. I started to show earlier than usual; I'd been told I would show about a month earlier than I had with my last child. They weren't lying. In between month four and five, I started to show far more than I had before. And it made me happy. A hand would find its way to rest on the bulge that was becoming my child, and I would smile. I would sing softly to it and even talk to it about everything. It was nice having someone to talk to that wouldn't talk back, or judge. And then someone would breeze in and shatter my moment with my child.

In one way, I was absolutely thankful I was pregnant. Besides the ability to throw temper tantrums (biiiiiig plus) it gave me the inability to be intimate with my husband. Not for the fact that I didn't want to be (trust me… hormones were driving me fucking nuts!) but the awkwardness would've been too great. I mean, he knew how reluctant I had been. So, I was still a little upbeat about this pregnancy, if not the marriage.

This time around, I was aware of my pregnancy. The life living within me that I carried everywhere. And Gods did I FEEL it. With my first child, I was able to do everything like normal (if puking everyday is normal) and almost forgot I was pregnant. Until I had to sit down, or bend over… But this time… I was tired, cranky, moody. I had never looked uglier! Although my mother, father and recent husband denied that I looked any less beautiful than I had when I wasn't pregnant. I thought they were all daft and needed their eyes checked.

On the bright side, Tohma dragged Ryuichi along and came to visit me! I was nervous about introducing Ryuichi to my husband, but there was nothing more than a quick nod of his head, frown firmly in place. Tohma was ever the gentleman, conversing and chatting up Tetsuya to the fullest before I dragged them off for 'band time'. We settled down in the sitting room, and I served them tea, and made myself as comfortable as possible and sighed heavily.

"Nori-chan, how have you been?" Tohma asked earnestly, smiling at me.

I smiled back, patting my large stomach. "As well as one who pukes all the time can be."

We shared a laugh and he continued asking me pointless questions about me, and I answered them. But soon it was time for business.

"As you know," Tohma said, placing his cup on the table. "We had a tour planned in New York that is supposed to start within the next month."

I frowned. Was Tohma going to replace me?

"But I have taken the liberty of postponing it," he said.

I sighed in relief. Ryuichi looked slightly enraged.

"Instead, I've decided to have us go once you have given birth and you can come back to work. At your leisure of course." He gave me a smile.

"I'm so sorry Tohma," I said earnestly. "I just… jumped into things without thinking again."

"Nothing to be sorry for," he assured me. "We'll be fine with waiting."

"I just hope it's not too long," I said.

Ryuichi stood up, excusing himself to the bathroom and I said, giving a look to Tohma.

"What's eating him?" I asked, slightly angry with our singer.

The blonde looked thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure. Maybe the fact that we're married and he isn't. Who knows?"

Who knows? He knows. But if we push to hard, he breaks and cries. We don't want that now do we? We spoil him, and I wondered as I shut the door as they left, what would happen if he had to grow up?

It was a tiring few months after that. I kept getting bigger and bigger and more lethargic and, while everyone said I had a nice glow, I felt that I looked horribly pale.

"Must be a girl," my mother commented one day over the phone.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, not really interested.

"Well, they say when you're having a boy, the rest high and you have boundless energy. But a girl steals your beauty away. Something like that," she told me.

"Oh."

"Well, one week left, darling! Aren't you excited?"

Clearly… she was.

"Yes, of course. I'm bringing a new life into the world, blah, blah, blah," I sighed, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

What I wouldn't do for a cigarette right now.

"Noriko, I don't know why you're not excited," my mother sighed heavily.

Oh, I could give you a fucking list of reasons why, mother… it'd take you to next Christmas to get through reading.

"I'm just very worn out today, that's all mother."

"Ah! That's just your little girl getting everything she can from her mommy!"

Yes, yes, wonderful. Kids this, mommy that. Girl do's, boy don'ts. Pink, blue, toys, clothes…

I wanted to rip my hair out.

But I was all for the pain of delivery this time around. It just told me that everything was finally over and my life could go back to normal. I'd be able to play again and go on tour in the States…

With a kid.

Whenever I started daydreaming, it always ended 'with a kid'. Horrible! When my contractions started, I finally realized nothing was going back to normal when nothing was normal to begin with! I was fighting a losing battle with life. It was kicking my ass at every possible chance.

Everything was a blur of anger. Rush throughout the house, rush to the hospital, rush to a room.

Then the pictures are clear. The momentum slowed and I was stuck on my back on a small bed. While trying to take my mind off of… of, everything, I could take in the room. Not much to it. Bed, a machine beeping, window. Yeah… this was definitely awesome.

And just as I was starting to think again, about life, myself and so many other things, finally the blur of my delivery started again. A twisted pain, searing heat, sweat, raw vocal cords and overworked muscles. Twelve hours later and I was holding newborn Ukai Saki. A darling little girl (curse my mother for being right) who took delight in screaming her head off as I held her. Oh, Tetsuya took the most wonderful picture too! Me, looking like a drowned, half dead rat with a screaming blob of pinkish grey cradled in my arms.

Yeah. Wonderful.

I was being a selfish little bitch and demanded that Tohma and Ryuichi become godparents of our child. Tetsuya was fine with this, though there was chaos about it amongst our families. Tohma was delighted and more than happy to be named a godfather, not questioning me on my second choice… or how I was going to pull it off. Bah. Details. I was in for a shock though…

Ryuichi declined.

Rudely too, the little bastard. He told me point blank that he wanted nothing to do with my child. I had to respect his decision and offered Mika the position of godmother.

Our friendship suffered a little after that. Nothing could take away the hurt he'd caused, and nothing could stop him from being angry at whatever he was mad at. Tohma and Mika visited often, I took Saki into work… some days I thought it was just to piss Ryuichi off, and others because I wanted him to see what could've been. I was a sick and twisted woman, I knew it.

And the older Saki got, the more I realized that I was slowly losing myself in this mess I made of my life. I actually had a fucking family. I had people to cook for every morning (until Tet decided he was better equipped to do that), people to do laundry for, remind things of, plan parties for… This was not supposed to be my life! And as each year went by, I was sinking deeper and deeper, and drowning in a false marriage and choking on sickly sweet smiles.

And when Saki was two or three, I woke up in the middle of the night, calling Tohma. Eventually he picked up, and I was sorry for waking him, but that wasn't important.

"Tohma… we're doing the tour in New York. Can you make it happen?" I asked, not caring if my husband awoke to hear such things.

"Of…" a small yawn. "Of course I can, Nori-chan. Are you sure? Saki-chan is still quite young."

"Positive. I'll see you at work tomorrow," I told him, saying goodnight and hanging up.

I may have been drowning, but I sure as hell wasn't going to stay that way.

_I think it's good cause I'm rushing! So there!_

Review bitches!

SL


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